So, hi. Call me Ryvah. I'm 16, Aussie and frustratingly short. This is just a huge ramble of mine. Bunch of questions and random statements. Let's get started.
What do you do when your parents contradict their own rules on numerous occasions? Do you bring it up and risk criticism? Do you wait for someone else to notice it? Do you bring it up with another family member and risk them bringing it up at your mention?
What do you do when you're in fear of doing something wrong all the time? At work, in the back yard, at school, at a friends house or on holiday. What then?
What do you do when you want to do something at their suggestion but they then go and make plans or straight out say 'no'?
What do you do when you just want a break but if you were to bring it up all hell would break loose?
What do you do when you tell them you feel unsafe and uncomfortable, paranoid about every move, and the first thing they ask is if you're on drugs or pregnant, not actually considering how you feel at all? Then what do you do when you make mention of their ludicrous accusations later on and they deny some because they don't remember?
Stupid girl. Why would they remember such words? They're too busy with general criticism. Day to day. The same. Why would you be important to them? You're a failure. The eldest child, a female with no aim in life because she hasn't experienced anything. Why would you be important to them? They've got three others. Males this time. Well, probably only two because they're young and can be 'modified'. We can't be.
What do you do when you just want to get out? Can't sleep at a fiends house because I'm not straight. Automatically assume I'm after the chicks why don't you. Fuck it. Fuck you.
I'll tell you something, if you happen to come across this one day. You're both idiots. Thanks for everything you taught me and done for me but you're seriously lacking parental skills. I may be your only girl, but I've never felt like that at all. I felt like a tool, and so that's what I've become. I am not your daughter. You do not own me.
I want you to understand that should I find out you're mistreating my brothers; I will find you, and I will be sure to give them a better chance than what I had. Fucking try me assholes.
Yes. That was a threat. Just like the ones you sent my way.
Moving on...
-Defy a manner in which something should be done, gets glared at. Fuck it.
-Wants to talk to someone. 'You only ever bring it up when something bad happens.' Nope, you just deny me a healthy mind. Because there's totally not anything wrong with me. Denial.
I'll give you a picture.
-Depression
-Anxiety
-Paranoia
-Dysphoria
-Emotional disconnection (traits of a sociopath).
Thanks guys!!!
What do you do if you just want to get out?
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That's it for now I guess. Life with them isn't pleasant. Infuriating. I trust my friends and their parents more than my own.
I might make this a kind of diary, considering they took that from me and read it. So I may as well make it public!!! Will be a while till the next one. ^.^
YOU ARE READING
Just a Bit of Me
Non-FictionJust a bit about what's in my head and life. You don't have to read it, but sometimes even the best of us need a bit of support. ^.^
