The Marauders: Year Six #Wattys2017

I'm Not Worthy

I'm Not Worthy

Sirius and Lily sat out on the sand in the dark late after dinner was over, watching the white caps of the ocean waves reflect the moon overhead. Sirius stared up at the white orb, the white and the grey of the craters, and he thought about Remus, wondered what he was doing way up in Iceland. He hoped Remus was staying warm, and that he'd been sure to pack lots of jumpers. He hated the thought that Remus Lupin might be cold.

It had been such a wonderful day. Sirius thought of all the fun he'd had riding bicycles with Lily and riding in the Morris-Mini and how delicious the food Mrs. Evans had brought home was - a pizza she'd called it. He'd really enjoyed the pizza quite a lot and Vernon Dursley had thought it quite strange that he had never had any, something that had made Petunia quite angry and she'd abruptly changed the subject back to Vernon's work in drills. It hadn't even occurred to Sirius to be sad, he realized.

Achlys, the dementor (well, shementor) in his chest, had seemed to have skipped coming along on this trip.

Sirius didn't miss her.

Beside him, Lily hugged her knees and dragged a stick through the sand.

Sirius looked over at her. "Hey... Evans?"

"Sirius?"

"Thanks for taking me along here."

Lily smiled, "Thanks for coming along. I'd have been so lonely." She pictured sitting there on the beach alone. Even if they hadn't been talking - they'd been just sitting there for nearly a quarter hour already - there was coming warm about Sirius Black being there. Lily said, "I really am glad you came."

"I'm glad, too." Sirius stared at the moon again.

Lily dug her bare toes into the sand.

"Evans?"

Lily looked over at him, "Sirius?"

"Do you reckon Remus might be looking at the moon right now, too?"

"Maybe," she replied. She watched him for a few moments, the blue-white light illuminating his face, and she said, "You two are so bloody in love, why are you still apart?"

Sirius didn't look away from the moon's craters. He just kept staring up at the sky. There was a very long pause and finally, quietly, he said, "I am not worthy."

"What?" the words had chilled her and she hoped she'd heard them wrong.

Instead of answering, Sirius recited:

"The full moon's beams are precious few
Breaking down bone, sinew...
Nights we spent together, free and wild
Passing a curse which we beguile...
What made him choose me?
I am not worthy."

Lily chewed her lower lip, "Is that a song?"

Sirius shook his head, "A poem."

"Who wrote it?" she asked, expecting the answer to be some great scholar of long ago.

"Me," Sirius answered.

"You didn't," she argued.

"I did. Just now."

Lily whispered, "You're very good."

Sirius turned to look at her. "I want to get tattoos."

"What?" Lily blinked - this was not at all connected thought.

Sirius repeated, "I want to get tattoos. Did you see the ones Ace Dante has? They're brilliant. I want some tattoos."

Lily laughed, "What happens when you're eighty and you don't want them anymore?"