Unmeshing Enmeshed.

Illusionary Fear.

So my parent's took a right decision by supporting me ofcourse.Though my mother did show her disapproval but her fear of society always won over her love but whom to blame she has been raised with the same fear and though she wanted to imbibe this quality to her children and was very much successful in doing for my elder sister Rekha but miserably failed with me and my brother.

I am damn sure somewhere she is more disappointed from me than my brother as our society is very 'unbiased' right?

Hence the conclusion I was sitting beside my window taking sips from my tea not knowing what is my status right now, to put it in real words ignoring my pathetic state.

My cards for wedding were already distributed but the wedding was now called off because my so called fiancè thought to have some rendezvous with his colleague.I have to work in a hospital which I always wanted to avoid my life has changed dramatically and I have to bear it.

"Reva you are okay?"

My mother tried to made an effort to comfort me.C'mon she's mommy we need her somewhere how much ever we fight for our freedom we do need her love.Okay now you must be thinking I am so confused and contradictory but that's what we all are confused and in a conflict.This is only how we work, this is our way and to be honest it is horrible leading to more conflicts.

"I am okay, Maa."

"Take care beta I know everything will be okay."

"I hope so Maa."

She left by letting me have my space sometimes we are in so much need of it.We need that alone time to detangle the clatter inside our mind and when we have so much things going on in our life we become so unclear and our forest of thoughts become dense and denser.

When I was marrying Aryan I always used to ask myself why I am doing it.Because that relationship always came out from society's convenience. We measured our pros and cons before getting married.But now that he has left I wonder what I really want in my life and what I am fighting for.

My parents relationship was typical like how you will find in every household.They hate each other and they end up mating and again again this cycle goes on but I always knew that their relationship came more from the idea of habit of each other than love for each other.

I wonder how it would be to have a choice where convenience play no role.Before marrying I don't need to judge pros and cons, infact before I get married I am allowed to stay with that person day and night and understand him inside out, where my illusionary society has no role to play.Where cooking can be done by both or when I am cooking, he's cleaning house.I wonder where in this world I can get this type of freedom.

Brushing out all the thoughts from my mind.I sit up and see what can I do as of now to go out of this house because  staying in is suffocating me.

It's evening 6 pm and I get ready for a good run.My mother did expressed her fear of society but I ignored, my father didn't verbalize it but he was in same category only difference mothers expresses, fathers don't.

When I stepped out of the house somewhere also fearing about people what I saw surprised me.Nobody cared! My neighbours gave me a sympathetic look which was easy to ignore, a passing by aunty tried to console me which was for 2 minutes then she left thinking about her son's tiffin for next day.

And that was how things went, the imaginary society which we feared was not there I was alone and nobody gave a damn.

What I was raised for 24 years of life that society is that monster which creeps you out everynight and kills your courage.And with what I am  seeing now that a kid's tiffin was the priority of my aunty and not my marriage has been called off.I wonder why people give themselves so much importance that they think people will leave their priorities and think about them.Agreed there will be people like them but common pity them poor guys does not have job where as 70% of population has something to do.

Hence it was time for me to ignore the society and move on.I know it's just a day but lets be honest I never loved Aryan anyway its not my man who has cheated, it was my expectations which has been crushed, hence it cannot be that harsh.Or  if anything more happens I can just land up in a shrink's clinic.

May be somewhere I was feeling angry towards my parents for not stopping me or not guiding me well, they thought its the "best" because the guy was doctor.

But sometimes I also feel so contradictory about my own feelings that if our parents are having fear of something why we never allow them to have it.Why we always want to rescue them, they are fine with it, why we are judging them if they need help they will seek in whatever way they find best.Why we want to be the healer and save it, does it because it takes us to an ego trip?

I always thought one thing my parents didn't let me be.The part of them forced me to marry Aryan but now when I think how my life is I realised I also never let my parents be.I always wanted to change them and they did same thing with me.I was 24 years not a kid why didn't I think logically.We ended up hating each other, loving back and same cycle, I don't want to say vicious this time.Because its not bad but not good either.

Hence, while I am running I am actually saying "Eureka" in my mind because I have got it.

And also a part of me always wants to explore that side where there is freedom at its highest level and no need to compromise. We compromise with our parents right little they do little we but where is that society where there is complete free will.

I know it might creat havoc, we need a system, we are in a system.But what if there was that freedom where we were just allowed to chose.

I so much 'but's to tackle.I rolled my eyes on my own "pun".

Finishing errands of run, physically and mentally I came back home.But there was another surprise or 'butt'  waiting for me..

Aryan will never let go a trophy wife easily.

A/N:Hello wattpadians I actually discovered that I like writing alot and playing with words okay I am irritating you with some self realisation session but anyways.

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