Unmeshing Enmeshed.

Creeping Anxiety.

We tend to have certain emotions in life which are always causing a volcano, a havoc within us.Anger is that emotion which is very trouble causing, most of us must have definitely gone through that phase of teenage aggression where we just couldn't control our anger.

We say the stuff which goes beyond our expectations causing more and more rush in our brains.You know the power of words they are very traumatising.Even if you want to forget you won't be able to because the blast from the past will come again and again becoming like slowly disease causing silent death.

In India especially we have been raised up with so much values that we are not actually allowed to give our opinions in family matters until we are 50 and have done something great in life.There are these things going on and I know some of you would retaliate and say no its not the same at my place, fine great but these things happen.

People are going through suppression lots of it, if a kid is an angry teenager than he or she will just shout and parents will either tease them or think him as a black sheep of the family.But nobody is allowed to express anger, nobody is allowed to voice out, harmony of the home needs to be kept (ghar ki shanti).

We all are victims of it, 90% of it give in to the society and hardly 10% choses their way but what they are called, Rebels,scape goat.They become to bold for the society, and their ideas are not really welcomes and at some point they realise also they just cannot fit in.

I was in the webs of my thoughts when Aryan chose to enter my room and break my harmony.

"Re.."

"Aryan don't make it hard for me please."

"Reva please this is not how you think it is."

"Explain."

"Uh-"

"I know you don't have any but you choose to waste my time so please do."

"Reva she was my head in department skmetimes we do need to make some compromises.I did it for keeping my job you forget my mistake for our marriage."

Honestly In normal circumstances I should have become angry and slap him.But I was not angry the kind of community I belonged to first taught me the word "compromise" then how to call Mama papa.

We all adjust and de-self, we guve priorities to others first and adjust ourselves and also accept it as a our destiny.We have been brought up in that way, and especially if you are a girl you have been taught how to adjust infact the funny part is our parents brought up in that way like how we will live "after our marriage".
Means at my home also the rules of in-laws our valid because I have to practice for that and it should be easier for me.And xcuse-me, what 'my home' all I was taught for whole life was 'you are going to go to "your" house'this is not where you belong.The place where I live is not mine the people whom I am with will be taken over somebody hence I take my first step to insecurity in my own house which not anymore mine.

Aryan was anticipating my answer and I am damn sure he would be willing to give anything, I would have loved it that it would be because of love but I always knew we never had that thing, love was never ours.
I never fell in love with him.If it would have been after marriage situation I would have been forced and pressurised to forgive.

But now I am confused to run behind my love or my dream clinic in the most expensive area of Mumbai.Which is only dream for some people?

I don't know which way to chose and Aryan sure making it harder for me.You know sometimes there turmoil going in between in span of a week I saw my life taking 360 degress turn and now I am very confused about the route.It's feeling like something is breaking from inside and anxiety has crept in with Aryan's eyes on me.There is so much to think Parent's respect, society, pressure, work, relationship.

With all these things running in my mind, I chose to gave in.My eyes became blur and knees collapsed anxiety attack had embraced me in his arms and physically I found my self in Aryan's.

I couldn't help my self and my mind was not really strong for taking so much in.

A/N: Long week with lots of people and mental roler coaster.

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