The Art of You

Love meets you at your mess not your best

There was a time when I felt I didn't really love her. Just felt deeply for her or some shit. But the way her hair was tied back and the way she kept pulling her dress down as the wind blew made me want to grab her by her little hips and whisper all the dirty things I had been longing to do to her.
I had yet to say anything, I just started at her. What the fuck. Why is she here? A million questions raced through my head as I looked at her dumbfounded.
"Carl?" Her voice whispered. "Can you say something?" She pleaded and I looked down. She made me feel so god damn vulnerable and I hated it. I was out here for 8 fucking years and I didn't need her, I was making it through high school, barely, but I was doing it. I was pulling girls, more than Lip that's for sure. I was doing it. And here she fucking is. I looked back up to her, her eyes filled with tears. What the fuck is she crying for?
"Uh yeah, hey Quinc." I tried to smile and sound less shaky. She didn't respond. She quickly locked her arms around my neck, pulling me in for a tight hug. I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her closer. It felt good to hold her. It felt good to feel her so close to me. Before she left we were 9 year olds too scared to hold each other's hands. But it felt so good. It felt like she never left.
"Where'd you go?" I whispered in her ear as we still clung to each other in the middle of the south side sidewalk. Where did she go? Why the fuck didn't she say goodbye? How can you do that to someone who had been there for you? No calls? Nothing?
I pulled away from the hug and she looked shocked.
"Why the fuck did you leave Quincy." I yelled and her eyes shot down. She chewed her fingernail and I pulled her hand down. "Why did you leave?" I asked again.

"I had to Carl, you don't understand what went on in that hou....." I cut her off.
"BULLSHIT." I yelled. She could've said bye or something. I know I'm being insensitive but I don't fucking care. "You didn't even say bye. You didn't call or text me or fucking write. It has been 8 years." I made direct eye contact with her and she looked back down.
"I know Car. I know." When she called me that I lost it. I turned around and ran home. I could hear her calling after me but I ignored. She called me that when we were younger, and it stuck around. People would call me that after she left and I lost it every time they did. I walked 3 blocks back to the house and slammed both doors when I got inside.
I stormed upstairs and slammed the door.
Fucking Quincy and her soft skin, her soft smile and her soft voice. I missed her I really did, she just made me so mad. I thought she was someone who wouldn't leave. Everyone fucking left, hell my own mother left. My father left but always somehow came back like a fucking cockroach.

I felt my body being shaken and I groaned. "Leave me the fuck alone." I muttered.
"Carl get up, it's me." Her soft voice whispered close to my ear and I opened my eyes. I had dreams before where Quincy would come back home when we were still young and we'd grow up together realize we loved each other long before we knew what love really was. I woke up sweating those nights, or I woke up punching shit. I turned over to see her blonde wavy hair dangling over my face. Her face inches from mine. My breath hitched. This wasn't a fucking dream.

"Quinc? What are you doing?" I barely got out. She smiled and stood up. "Let's go." She smiled, she had a blunt in one hand and lighter in the other. "We are going to lay outside, the sky is light up with stars dude." She beamed. She pulled my arm as I tried to put pants and a shirt on. I slipped on a pair of jeans and v neck. "Grab a blanket, I'm gonna grab us some chips." She quietly yelled from the hallway. I grabbed a blanket and met her downstairs. She was on her tippy toes looking for some chips and I stood in the door way admiring her. God I missed her, it had been so long. She wore her dress from early but this time with a sweater over it and her hair was kid against her back as she swayed her head Hack and fourth looking for a bag of chips. Her dressed was up a little further because her arms were up in the cupboards, and I could see her upper thighs. Fuck. She turned around and noticed that I was standing in the doorway. "Where are the fuckin chips?" She laughed, I made my way over to the cupboard and pulled out a bag of cheetos and waved them in her face. She was so beautiful, especially in the stove lighting, her skin looked so smooth. I moved her back against the counter a little and ran my fingers over her cheeks. She closed her eyes and put her hand over mine. "Jump." I said quietly and lifted her on the counter top. I stood in between her legs and admired her thighs my hands. Her eyes stayed closed and mine were locked on her face.
"I missed you." She whispered. I missed her too. So god damn much. She opened her eyes and grabbed my face, inching me a little closer to her. "Carl, I really missed you." She said sternly and I nodded. "I missed you much more." I said.

She locked her lips with mine for a quick second, hopped off the counter, moved me out of the way. Grabbing the cheetos and the blanket she made her way outside the back door.

This felt wrong, she can't just come in here fucking with my feelings. It hasn't even been a day. I'm not falling into her spell so fast. We'll hangout tonight, but tomorrow I'm fucking someone, and it won't be her.