Chevallier

Chapter 6 & Epilogue

Chapter 6: The Final Pact

                Shit, why didn’t I die? Fuck this, I wanted to die, I wanted to be with Paula, I don’t want to keep my promise, I wanted to be with her, I FUCKING WANTED TO BE WITH PAULA IN THE AFTERLIFE DAMN IT!

                I gasped, opened my eyes, bellowed loudly “DAMN IT, WHY AM I HERE?!” I heard a frightened gasp as the girl bending over me retreated backward, landing on her ass and squeaked in terror, I shot her a glance full of hatred, I barely felt any sympathy as I stared at her frightened form, I stood up and stomped towards her, punctuating every step with an angry shout “WHY. THE. FUCK. AM. I. HERE. AND. NOT. WITH. PAULA!?” she crawled backwards, the terror on her face evolving into dread, I relished the expression, I pushed farther, walked forwards more, menacing, frightening, she hit the wall, there was no way to crawl away anymore; I smiled at her, “Explain to me, why the fuck am I brought here instead of being with Paula? ANSWER ME!” but for all the good it did she just stared at me with a very frightened expression, I had enough, with a roar I did not know I could make, I pulled back my fist, turned it into pure iron and punched the girl, only I did not hit her, I hit the wall behind her instead, she looked at me with wide eyes then fainted, sliding down into the floor as I continued to pound away into the wall with all my pent up rage. I just punched, putting all my rage and disappointments into those punches, my fists making large craters in the bland wall that got larger and deeper, I did not see the girl at my feet, just this wall I kept on punching, and punching, and punching and punching. I did not stop, not even when my own knuckles split and started bleeding, I just kept on, my eyes dry even though I was sobbing, I kept on punching, not stopping even at the sounds of my own knuckles breaking, I continued to pound away, making the crater larger, deeper, I punched one last time and saw my hands squish onto the concrete, I looked at them; all my bones have been ground into splinters by the force of my punches, yet I wasn’t satisfied, I looked at my blood drenched, broken knuckles then at the bloody crater in front of me, I still wasn’t satisfied, I pulled my head back and smashed it into the wall, I continued this routine, still not stopping even as I felt blood flow down into my face, I kept on, making the crater larger with my forehead, I heard a crack, and pain spread through my entire body, the flow of blood became a gush, I clutched my head and bellowed in anger, pain, rage, defeat. I slumped on the ground, defeated, still crying, feeling lightheaded, I collapsed backwards, sighed, perhaps I will die now, I sure wished it, my promise to Paula meaning nothing if I saw her face again. A face loomed into view, crying, eyes red and puffy, peppering my face with tears that stung, I did not care, I knew it must be Paula, who came to take me, I smiled  “Paula…” that was the last thing I said before losing consciousness.

                I groaned, my head feeling like I hit a speeding truck at 30 miles per hour and my knuckles feeling like I ran them through a meat tenderizer. I felt something hot and wet touched my forehead, my teeth gnashed in pain, I gasped, I muttered something “Paula…” the object withdrew and I felt something warm this time, soothing, peaceful I calmed down and I knew that this must be it, I am in the afterlife now, I have died, Paula is with me, anytime now I will open my eyes and see her red eyes, her long black hair, her soothing smile. I muttered her name again and the pleasant feeling stopped, the pain in my head lessened to bearable levels, then the warm object went to my knuckles, it felt painful this time, but pain I can tolerate, after a few moments and it was over, my knuckles were mended; I could move my fingers, my bones have been set properly. I opened my eyes.

                I almost cried in anguish when I saw the blue ceiling of the glass floored room, I closed them again, hoping against hope that my eyes are lying to me, but it was all in vain “Don’t waste your effort, there’s no way you can follow her.” I opened my eyes in surprise, the voice was familiar, but it was different, the childish demeanor has vanished, instead it was replaced with a bitter silkiness, as though this was a different person speaking, mature, angry, conceited. I tried to sit up but collapsed onto the quilt again, groaning in pain as my head swam in concussion. I turned my head to the left and saw her, Kikyou, she was looking at me but I did not recognize the stare, it contained the same expressions in her voice, she was angry at me, I knew that. I tried to apologize, “Sorr-“ “Oh please, don’t pull that ‘sorry’ bullcrap on me, it won’t work, I’m not as weak as you think I am.” I stopped, this woman was not Kikyou, she was something else, something in her has died and been replaced by this cold woman. I realized I had killed Kikyou earlier, but not in the literal sense, I killed her personality and now, this bitter woman had replaced her; I felt a wave of remorse overcome me because I had caused it. I closed my eyes again, tried to calm myself down, breathed normally, focused my mind on other stuffs, tried to fucking forget the memory of Paula’s death, her broken body held in my arms, her dying words as she struggled to hold on, her final smile as she slipped the living world, shit. Damned fucking shit. I cried again, I can’t stop myself, tried to steel against incoming grief and pain but failed miserably, tears flowed freely  from my eyes, I cried and cried and cried and cried, I cried until I can’t cry anymore, I just lied there, gasping in my own anguish, still crying but not shedding any tears, I feel pathetic, weak, useless. I found my power but I was not able to use it to save the most important person to me, I failed myself, I can’t even keep a promise. Kikyou just stood there, watching me with her cold dead eyes, I did not mind, I deserved it anyway, I deserve to wallow in self-hatred and misery for eternity.