Old Friends? (A Louis Tomlinson FanFic)

Chapter Sixteen.

I walked out into the garden. It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining, the birds were singing. Too bad it had started out like this, with Harry down at the bottom of the garden crying, because I had slept with my ex-boyfriend. It sounded like a really bad episode of the Jeremy Kyle show. Maybe there would be a bust up? Maybe Harry would have to be escorted of the premises. Or maybe, Zayn would turn out to be Harry’s father. Or maybe not, seeing as this wasn’t The Jeremy Kyle Show and Zayn was only a month older than Harry. I approached Harry; he looked up and then put his face back in his hands. He’d been crying. His eyes were red and swollen. Tears made streaks down his face. I looked at him. Oh dear. What a mess I’d made.
“Harry?”
No answer. I don’t care if he was upset, he didn’t need to be rude about it.
“Come on Haz, what’s the matter?”
Harry looked up. I sat beside him.
“Have you ever been so in love with someone that you want to protect them so badly, it almost kills you? Have you ever loved someone so much, that it hurts to think that they’ve ever cried? Have you ever been so attracted to someone that you want to eat their face off at every possible interval?” He sobbed.
“No.” I replied honestly. Because I hadn’t. Although I had been in love with Louis, I hadn’t ever felt the things Harry described.
“Well… I have…” Harry said, “I’m experiencing them, right now. And I’m going to make three confessions, because you are probably so confused right now.”
“Okay,” I said, gazing at him. I had newfound respect for Harry now.
“First confession; when we kissed the other day, it felt so right to me. Even if it felt wrong for you.”
Wow.
“Second confession; I knew exactly who I was sleeping with on Wednesday night. I’m a good actor.” He choked out.
Oh my god.
“Third Confession; I’m so in love with you right now, everything you do drives me crazy. I just don’t know what I should do. I’ll do nothing, and I’ll just dream. But also, I’m in love with Ellie. In a homely way. The way I love you is a wild, crazed way. A way that I can’t control. And I’m sorry. Because I know you don’t feel the same way. And I know this will hurt Ellie. But as you said, the heart wants what the heart wants.” He sighed.
I didn’t know what to say. I was frozen. I couldn’t talk, even if I wanted too.
“So, when you told me that you slept with Louis, I got angry. Because I felt betrayed. And I know that was stupid, since you’re not mine.”
“Oh… Harry.” I groaned.
“I’m not saying I want a relationship with you, I love Ellie, but I’m so confused. I… I’m in love with you. But I’m also in love with Ellie. I don’t know what to make of life at the moment. So I’m sorry.”
“Oh baby, don’t apologize,” I said, softly.
Harry let out a grunt and more tears streamed down his face.
“I understand. I totally understand. And you have to know, that I love you. And baby, this is so sweet of you. Any normal guy would bottle up his feelings, but thank you for telling me. It means the world to me, it really does. Now if it hurts you too much, I’ll call off my next adult sleepover with Louis. Because Harry, I would never want to hurt you,” I said.
“You say that, yet you seem to hurt me every day, just by being there.” Harry said.
“Should I go away then?” I asked.
“That would hurt even more.” Harry cried.
I sighed. Could I win with this kid? God only knows. Or maybe he doesn’t have the foggiest.
“Harry,” I said, “What do you want to do about this?”
“See both of you?” The cheeky smile was back.
I frowned.
“Okay, I know you don’t feel the same way. It’s like Joey and Rachel.” He smirked.
“You watched Friends?” I beamed.
“For you.”
I blushed and he brushed my cheek with his thumb. He took the back of my neck and pulled me into a kiss. And I kissed him back. He kissed me harder, and I kissed back harder. He moved his hands slowly down to my waist, holding me in a light grip. Oh my god how wrong this was. Okay, so first, I kiss Harry, then I sleep with him, then I kiss Louis and then sleep with him, and now I’m kissing Harry again… I’m such a slut.
Harry moved to my neck, kissing me and murmuring things. I couldn’t hear what he was saying, but I loved it. He lay back, allowing me to get on top of him. He moved his hands through my hair and I twisted his curls around my fingers. He smiled. Oh, those dimples. I could feel him getting harder beneath me. Okay, no. This was wrong. He was getting a boner over me. And he had a girlfriend. I pulled away.
“Wow.” Harry muttered.
Oh great, thanks Harry. Now you’ve got me not knowing what I want. Do I want Curly or Carrot? With Carrot, we had history. He was on my level, he got me. He knew me so well. But Curly was something new and fresh. I loved them both so much. But in different ways. When I’m with Harry, I want to joke with him, laugh with him, not have sex. When I’m with Louis, all I want is to kiss him. I want him to hold me and tell me how much he loves me, and how special I am. With Harry, I didn’t have that.
“Wow indeed.” I sighed.
A tear fell down my face.
“Why are you crying baby?” Harry asked, brushing the tear away.
“Because,” I mumbled, “I hate seeing you like this.”
“Like what?”
“I hate seeing you confused and not knowing what you want, when I can see the answer clearly.”
“What is the answer then?”
“Ellie.” I sighed.
“But…”
“And this isn’t because of Louis. Harry, I love you. I really do. But you can’t break it off with Ellie because of me. I couldn’t live with that guilt. You love her. Not me. I’m a phase.”
“But…”
“Harry, don’t protest. Please. You think you know what you want after that kiss. You think you want me. But what about Ellie? You can’t let that go.”
Harry sighed.
“What you and Ellie have is special. And no girl is worth breaking that up Harry. You’ve got to understand that.”
“Then why did you kiss me?” Harry asked.
“Because I don’t know what I want at the moment either. I know I shouldn’t be seeing Lou, but I am.”
“I can’t deal with that.” Harry tore at his hair in frustration.
“What can’t you deal with?”
“You with other guys. I’m a jealous guy, I always will be. I love you so much. So, so much. And to see my best friend… Or hear about my best friend shagging you, well, it makes me feel sick.”
“I know, but you’re going to have to deal with it.” I sighed.
“I know that. But how?”
“I don’t know, try.” I smiled.
“I… I need a shower.” Harry said, after a long pause.
“Okay,” I said.
He got up and went inside.
And now, it was coming apparent to me that I might have feelings for Harry Styles.