abandoning april

Everyone thought you could float.

Even me, your best friend.

I guess we were all wrong. I guess that you hadn't told anyone anything, so there was no one to stop you.

We all thought you were happy.

That wasn't ever the case, though, was it?

You were sad. A sad, sad, broken, girl.

I thought I had seen it in your eyes before. When you opened your mouth like you were going to tell me something, but snapped it shut instantly. Your eyes would soften whenever that happened, and you gave me such a pleading look. I wouldn't ask, though. You also told me you hated nosy people. I didn't want you to hate me, April, I didn't.

I knew you wouldn't, you couldn't. You were far too nice of a person, despite those unnerving glares you gave to everyone. You didn't really want people to talk to you. You were pretty reserved, really. I didn't pester, and we both liked it better that way. There were no questions, no curiosity, no drama.

You always despised drama. You said it was stupid, and pointless. Why fight over petty things, when there's wars going on, and people starving?

You were quite the pacifist, weren't you, April? To everyone but yourself.

I had seen your scars before, did you know?

When we were dressing out for gym, I could see them. There were always new ones, every time. These uneven, jagged rips through your skin, zigzagging across your thighs and wrists. I didn't ask, though, April. You didn't want me to ask. I respected that.

I wish I had, though, now.

Everyone thought you could float, April.

We didn't think that you couldn't swim.

We found out, anyways.

We found out that you couldn't float.

You fell, straight off the bridge.

You fell, and you drowned.

I watched you, April.

I watched you walk to the edge, and sit down. I watched you dangle your legs off the side, swinging your feet. You lied to me, April. You said you were fine.

You looked back at me, then. I smiled, and laughed. You laughed, too. Except it wasn't your normal laugh, April, it wasn't. It was cold, and sent shivers scampering up my spine.

You fell, April.

You drowned.

Why didn't you tell me?

I wanted to save you, April. I wanted to help. I knew you weren't okay. But you hated questions, and you hated the people who asked them.

I'm sorry, April.

I'm sorry.

You trusted me.

I abandoned you.

I hope you're happy now, April.

I love you.