abandoning april

two

Everyone misses you, April, they really do.

They miss the way you'd always think of something witty to say when the teacher was yelling at you.

They miss the way you could take jokes, and the way you'd never hold a grudge.

I think those were lies, too, April.

I went to your house, a few weeks after the incident. Your mom let me in your room.

You had a notebook, a journal, filled with all the awful things people said to you. All the awful things you said to yourself.

I read it, April, cover to cover.

Jessica told me I'm fat. I know it's true, I just never expected anyone to say it straight to my face. I wonder if anyone has noticed that I'm not eating? Probably not. No one cares, anyways.

I noticed. I noticed, and every single day I wanted to ask if you were okay. You were getting so skinny, April, and I was worried about you. You were always so pretty. You really were beautiful.

Why did you hate yourself, April?

Why didn't you trust me?

I wanted to help.

I'm sorry.