Your to young to let the world break you

The urge

When ever they said it was my fault I believed them. My smile was forever gone, so I plastered on a fake one everyday. They believed that I was finally happy...dumbass's. Everyday I thought of how I was going to kill my self. What torture I could do to my self. Make my self pay...for being a horrible daughter. I hated my self. Every week the cuts got deeper and deeper. I got excited when I saw the blood rush down my arms and thighs and hips. It was an amazing feeling. It got to the point were I would do it every night. I was...just metal...insane some would say ;). Yes I had problems I just didn't want to face them. I would go on with my life everyday just feeling the pain. I had no friends I was alone, no one cared and if they say they did they were just acting. It hurt a lot to know that I was alone. My mom knew everything about me. I told her about my first kiss, my first boyfriend. All the memory slowly faded. I forget what her voice sounds like. I some how didn't kill myself. I don't see how I made it. Honestly I wish I could have let the monsters take over...I remember a quote "monsters don't live under you bed they dwell inside you head". I knew my demons inside me were going to win. Someday they will. I'll be gone you'll be sorry. You cry and beg your not innocent theirs blood on your hands. I hope you realize you killed me your self. I hope you figured that out. I am now 13 years old. I still cut I still think it's my fault. I wanna die. I've had problems. I was even in a metal institution once....