Clinical 》Phan

Chapter 2

Dan

Class goes on as usual, boring as always, but I'm unbeknownst to it as I stay fixated on the boys eyes. Not paying attention to anything Mr. Lorez is explaining, drowning in this boy's unique eyes.

They're a very dark beautiful kind of blue, yet light enough to astound anyone who's never been exposed by this much beauty. I may have a slight crush on him, but it's fine because it's not like he'd have any interest in me whatsoever.

I mean look at me, I'm so disgustingly ugly and I'm not even remotely attractive. He could probably get any guy or girl, depending on his preference. He's so beautiful, more beautiful then anything I've ever witnessed.

I could go on and on about how god like and unique he is. His hair looks so soft, the feeling of running my hands through it would be heavenly. And just by being around him for these few minutes, I've already picked up on his little quirks and habits.

When he smiles, you can see a little sliver of his tongue sticking out, with this big white smile on his face. It's brings me this feeling of confort, by just witnessing it alone. He has this unique style, unlike anything I've seen, nerdy but quite ador-

"Howell! As you feel the need to not pay attention to my lesson, could you please solve the problem that's on the board?"

He irritably says, pointing to the board. I anxiously walk up, the feeling of Phil starring at me sinking in. He hands me the marker, waiting for me to make my first step. My hands beginning to sweat, the look of embarrassment clear on my face. As I stare at the numbers on the board, I make no connection to anything that we've previously learned in this lesson.

"Here we have students, a perfect example of what happens when you let yourself become this idiotic."

Mr. Lorez said, snickers and laughter being heard throughout the room, a look of pure terror and embarrassment upon my face.

He's right, they're all right, you're a worthless, ugly, fat piece of shit.

"Is the fucking stupid ass crying?" One kid said, laughing, others joining in on his amusement.

My eyes filled to the brim with tears, threatening to spill at any chance given. As I looked around the room, I saw that everyone was pointing at me and laughing, except one, Phil just starred in shock.

My hands began sweating again. My body shaking, my breathing out of place. The thought of Phil thinking I was what everyone thought I was ran through my mind relentlessly. Much to my demise, my vision began to fade.

"Oi, are you okay?" Mr. Lorez said, a feign tone of worry laced in his voice.

"Uhhh ye- ye- yeah I- I'm fine" I said, desperately trying to conjure up the fakest smile I could.

"I just.. uhh... I have to use the restroom." I said frantically, desperately needing to leave this hell.

*Trigger warning* please stay safe ♡

I hurriedly ran to the boy's restroom shaking and sobbing. Shaking and breathing out of pattern. I started to scratch at my arms, needing to feel something. I didn't want to, I hated doing it. But I felt like I needed to.

I finally gave in to my disgusting urge and rummaged through my worn down backpack
I pulled out the familiar piece of silver, simply bringing me comfort only having it in my hands. I slid it across my wrist.

One for how stupid you are.

I slid it across again

Another for how disgustingly fat you are.

Tears were now regularly rolling of my cheeks and onto the restroom floor. I slid it across my skin once more.

Last for how horrifically ugly you are.

I dried my eyes with my sleeves, the stinging sensation in my wrists bringing a distraction to my worries. I began to wipe the blood from my wrists, wincing in pain in the process.

Cleaning what was left of the blood, I heard the door to the boy's restroom open. Panicking, I hurriedly cleaned myself up, wiping my tears, shoving the blade in one of my backpack pockets and slinging it over my shoulder.

I opened the stall door, awkwardly shuffling toward the sink and past the figure standing there, to nervous to look up and acknowledge their presence.

"Hey. You okay mate?"

I nervously looked up, the deep voice belonging to Phil.

"Yeah. I'm fine" I said smiling weakly.

"Are you sure, I heard you crying?" He said, worry lacing his deep voice.

"Yeah totally" I said, forcing out a sad chuckle.

"Hey, what Mr. Lorez said wasn't true, he was just being a dick, I'm really sorry." He said, a frown displayed on his face.

"No it's fine, it was true anyways." I said mumbling the last part, hoping he wouldn't catch it.

But he heard it, his frown worsening.

"Why would think of yourself like that?" He said sadly.

"I don't know, it's just something I'm always hearing, it's not that important, sorry for wasting your time." I say rambling, trying to shuffle past him to the door.

"No honestly it is, it's so important, no should feel that way about themselves." He said, going in for an awkward hug.

I ease into the hug, finding comfort in his arms. We finally pull apart, it feeling as if hours later, not wanting it to end.

"So uhh, do you want to sit with me at lunch? I'm not that familiar with the school's campus, so maybe you could be my guide?" He asked.

"Yeah sure, I have to go to class, uh I'll see you later? I questioned.

"Definitely." He said waving goodbye, opening the boy's restroom door and swiftly walking to class.

I slid down the door to the floor, hitting the ground with a thud, thinking about the recent events.

Uh yeah so I hope that was good :) I don't know why I even bother to update, it's not lie anyone's reading :(
But oh whale hoped you imaginary humans enjoyed the chapter.