He Loves Me Not // h.s

13.

A/N

Hello everyone, I know it's been awhile and I sincerely apologize for that. I will be updating on a regular basis now. Thanks for staying with me. Hope you enjoy...

"Harold is your stuff all packed up and ready for the institute." My mother ask

Her eyes are full of worry. She looks anxious, maybe even scared.

I'm immediately filed with guilt. My own mother is afraid of me. Who have I become? Who am I? What am I even doing?

"Mum do you think I'm crazy?" I ask

Her eyes widen at my words. "Harold, I don't believe that at all."

I shake my head and look down toward the ground. "Your my mum you're just supposed to say that."

"Hey, you know that's not true." She lifts my chin up. "I've been nothing but honest with you your whole life, you know that."

That is true she has been extremely honest. She's always told me what she's thinking even though sometimes it was a bit harsh.

"You know what I think." She says. "I think that this is your bump in the road, and it's hard but you're going to get through it." She smiles kindly at me.

It's been awhile since we talked like this, everything has just been changing so quickly. I feel like I'm changing too quickly.

"Mom Loor is real or at least she was." I say

My mother sighs

"Now wait a minute." I continue. "You worked with her remember? You tended to her when she was in the infirmary. And the- then she killed herself."

I haven't talked about Loor or seen her since the night in the forest. I don't if i'll ever see her again. Apart of me doesn't even know if I want to see her again. It would just open up new wounds.

My mum's eyebrows scrunch together as if she's trying to remember that point in time. "Can you describe to me what she looks like?"

I close my eyes. Thinking about her just brings back all the feelings I'm trying to get rid of. I take a deep breath

"She has light brown hair, very light green eyes, though sometimes they seemed grey, and she was petite but quite tall."

I can imagine my mums thoughts, going through all the girls she encountered in the institute. What if she doesn't remember ?

She sighs and presses a finger to her temple. "You have to give me more than that Harold."

I knew Loor for about 3 weeks. I felt a connection with her but we didn't spend much time together, I wish I had more time.

Think Harry think.

And then it came. The moment I regretted the most. When she was in the infirmary, she was hurt and in pain. She told me we couldn't be together because she didn't want to hurt me, she was just looking out for me and what do I do? I told her she was crazy and I didn't want to be with her anyway. The look in her eyes when I said it, I instantly regretted it, but I left.

I left and ran to tell my mum about what I had done. She was disappointed in me, she couldn't have forgotten how that felt and I'm loots positive after that she left to tend to Loor.

"Do you remember that time in the infirmary." I swallow nervously and my hands start to shake. "I told you that I had upset her and called her crazy. You look so disappointed in me Mum." A sob escapes my throat. "I left and I didn't apologize and she looked so upset, I'm sure you went to Loor after that,  to give her medicine or something, don't you remember Mum?"

I hadn't talked to anyone about anything. Everything is just too much now. I feel like I'm in a middle state. Do you know the feeling of living in static ? Everything is so fuzzy and unclear, you know your capable of being strong but you just feel so weak.

My mothers pacing stops and she faces me with tears running down. "Oh honey. It's going to be okay." She sits beside me on my bed and embraces me in her arms.

For the first time in a long time I feel a since of familiarity. I feel secure.

"I remember Loor Harry." She gives me the slightest smile. "Loorina Crimson, she was so kind but she had her demons and she fought them in her own ways."

I didn't even know her full name.

Why is it that you find out more about a person once they're gone.

I let out a sigh of relief. "So you believe me." It came out as more of a statement then a question.

Her eyes soften "Of course I do Harry."

"Then why are you making me go to the institute." The peacefulness I felt a few minutes ago has left my body and been replaced with anger. "But I'm not crazy."

"Harry I know your not it's just yo-"

"No." I interrupt. "You said you believed me, that means I'm not crazy Mum. Have you not been listening to me."

Her eyes go go wide and an angry flush fills her face. "Harold do not talk to me that way. Where did all of this co-"

I laugh. "You know what I think? You're the crazy one, not me!"

A gasp escapes from her lips. At first I can tell that my words hurt her but then she just starts yelling.

"You know Harold, what am I supposed to think!? One day you wake up and start asking to see Loor when it's been months since she's passed. You told me that you see her and talk to her, you need help Harry! I don't think your crazy, you have a mental illness that needs to be treated. So get your bags together, I'll meet you in the car.

She slams the door on the way out.