Every time I ponder miracles my heart recoils. A binding, splitting pain shakes me. I touch my hand to the ground, and empty myself of these cumbersome weights. The weight dissipates within me, refreshing and replenishing in such a way that cool water does. But then again, the apple of my eye makes a guest appearance. He comes into my field of view without another moments wait, whenever he pleases. Phasing me with a beautiful smile or laugh, unintentionally dragging me deeper within undertow of my own emotion. All that is restored, has been lost. Or maybe it's only me doing this to myself, he is continuing on as though my visage as nothing more than a feather passing by in the wind. Forgotten to the sounds of the breeze. But then, somehow, I find love somewhere I should not. And it enraptures me. Glistening like gossamer on a midsummers morning. Warmth boils over in me and for the first time in a while, I feel contentment and happiness. Finding satisfaction in something so unreal, but so real at the same time. Wishing so badly that it was truly nothing more than an illusion, something not real. My conscious harassed me until I broke, and realized the severity of my stupidity. It told me, "It's not real" I was a fool . I just wish death would come sweep me off my feet. Maybe then I wouldn't have to live with the consequences of simply living. A blackened hole with nothing awaiting me? A place where the dead can not longer feel or speak? I can only dream of such paradise.
