nights: carl gallagher

2

Chapter Two

The Gallagher house has never been particularly peaceful. Even at night, when the rest of the neighborhood has retreated the Gallagher home is still chaotic. Someone just coming home, dinner being made long after dark, music pouring out of the upstairs windows. Alexa has become comfortable here, over the past month. Her house is usually empty, her mother is always working and her brother doesn't like being home since their dad left. The Gallagher's is so crazy it doesn't leave much room to think, which is exactly what Alexa needs.

Carl and Alexa are sitting up on the roof, sharing a joint that Carl had found in Lip's dresser. It's almost dark, the sun is plunging down into the skyline, leaving behind bright streaks of orange and pink. The two of them are stretched out at the back of the house, looking out over the South Side, people watching. Alexa is wearing one of Carl's t shirts, her hair is still wet and smells like chlorine from being at the pool earlier that day. He takes little peeks at her, each time noticing something different about her. The freckles that spread over her cheeks, the cigarette she keeps tucked behind her ear, her birthmark, the one she hates, above her shoulder.

He thinks to himself it's times like these that make the unbearable nights with her worth it, that made that night they met worth it, and it's her that makes his nights more bearable. They've become comfortable with each other. Something that under different circumstances neither of them would have been likely to do. Neither of them have ever been good at trusting people, although they never talk about it.

She gets it from her father, who left when she was twelve. Before that, he'd been a good dad, he'd loved her but something changed and he walked out one day while she was at school. They still get the child support checks though, and birthday cards so she thinks at least he's not dead. He gets it from being a gangbanger, working for people who saw him as nothing more than a dispensary, always watching where he stepped and who he talked to. During that part of his life he didn't have friends, he barely even went to school. He moved drugs, plain and simple and when that was done he went to juvie, where people only liked him out of fear.

"You think you wanna go to college?" Alexa asks, breaking the silence. She ashes the joint on the side of the roof.

Carl shrugs "I don't know. Only person to ever go to college in my family is Lip, and he hates it."

"I want to study Literature, maybe Art History."

"You're smart enough to."

"Shut up," Alexa laughs. She's never been able to take a compliment, her whole life, there's something strange to her about it. "you're smart too."

"Sure, the kid who moved drugs, and basically volunteered to go to juvie. I'm a fucking genius."

"What changed? After you got out, was it Nick?"

"How do you know about Nick, I don't," Carl takes a deep breath. He's thought about Nick a lot, since he was arrested, he'd even tried calling him a couple times but he'd chickened out. "I've never talked about him."

Nick was the reason Carl had changed. He wasn't sure if it was for him or because of him, but he knew that Nick made him see the world differently. He'd seen death, up close and he knew he didn't want to have any part in it. He didn't want to kill anyone and he didn't want to he killed.

"Last week, in your sleep, you talked about him."

Carl takes a drag, watching the smoke curl and mix with the changing sky. "I just wanted to be different, I was sick of people not liking me. Nobody really respected me, they just pretended to because I had connections and carried a piece. I don't know, I wanted to be normal."

"College is normal."

"But college doesn't make you normal. It made my brother crazy, maybe it's just not a Gallagher thing."

"Lots of girls at college, and drugs, all the drugs you want."

"I'm done with drugs," she gives him a look, nodding towards the joint in his hand. "Weed is weed, Lex, it's harmless. College drugs are serious, I was mostly selling to college kids back then and I don't want to run into anyone I used to work with."

"But the girls wouldn't be so bad," she's almost daring him not to count her. She's not sure why, she doesn't want him to but at the same time doesn't want him not to. Part of her wants to be the only person in Carl's life, male or female. If he had other friends he'd forget about her. She used to like being alone, but since they'd met she felt better when he was around.

"Hell no, besides I'm a Gallagher I could have any girl I wanted right now, high school or college."

She can't help but laugh at how cocky he is now. It's so different from how he is at two or four in the morning, when he's just woken up and he's not sure where he is. It puts her at ease though, to know this Carl is still in there.

"A real ladies man, so I've heard."

"Don't tell me you haven't thought about this," he jokes gesturing between the two of them.

"Actually, not my favorite Gallagher boy. I have to admit Ian, pretty hot," she grins, waits for him to look over at her before she starts laughing.

"Oh you're totally his type, he'd love you."

"In that case, when he gets back from his boyfriends house I'll totally make my move."

Somebody leaves the house, below them. The front door opens and closes, for a moment the noise from inside can be heard and then it's gone, the roof goes back to being its own silent bubble.

"I feel so," Alexa stops for a second, closes her eyes. "Good, I feel good."

"Good enough to get some sleep tonight?"

"Very funny," Alexa pushes against Carl's shoulder with her own, their bodies stick together in the humid air. "You know what I miss?" She pauses again, this time to rest the joint between her lips. "Dreaming, I miss dreaming."

"Dreaming's overrated, you can never remember that shit anyway," it makes him a little resentful, to talk about it. He tries not to think about the nightmares, but times like these he can't help it.

Alexa sighs, she's watching a car disappear around the corner, then a woman leaving her apartment building. She likes to get lost in other people's lives, try to imagine what they're doing. Carl likes to watch her watch people, she looks incredibly relaxed, in a way she never looks otherwise.

"Why are you staring at me, creep?" She rolls her eyes, grabbing the joint from his hand.

"Trying to have something good to dream about."