He Changed My Life

How is this my Life?

I finally got out of the bookshop around nine and I was exhausted. I was so happy that I had a day off from the coffee shop the next day so I could sleep in. Working both jobs during the day keeps me busy enough that I can push through the exhaustion, but when I'm done I feel like it takes every ounce of energy I have just to get up the stairs of my apartment building.

When I do finally get home I collapse on the couch. Looking around I realize that I really have to eat something before I go to bed, but I don't have the energy to make anything. I force myself to go make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and head off to bed.

When I got laid off from my job and lost that income I had to find a cheaper place to live. My current apartment is by no means where I saw myself living at this point in my life, but it could be worse. The rent is pretty reasonable for a one bedroom, it's not rat infested and I do have a nice landlord that actually fixes things when they break. I've heard horror stories about landlords who refuse to fix things, so I know I am lucky in that way.

I sold off a lot of my furniture, partly because I needed the money and partly because the furniture I had wouldn't fit in my now much smaller apartment. The one thing I did keep though was my bed. It had been my first big splurge when I got my job and I loved it. It wasn't even that it was that expensive, but I loved it. The combination of the black metal bed headboard, the soft mattress, and the down bedding made me look forward to curling up every night. No matter what kind of day I had, I would always sigh with a bit of a smile on my face when I lay down.

I am pretty sure that night I fell asleep before my head actually hit the pillow, but I woke up finally feeling rested. Since I didn't have to be at the bookshop until three I didn't set an alarm, but my body was so used to waking up early I was up by six. I don't mind waking up early though, especially if I wake up on my own.

After stretching my stiff limbs I decided to go for a run. I haven't had a lot of time to run recently, but it has always been a great stress reliever for me. I quickly change out of my pajamas and eat a banana before grabbing my phone and heading out the door.

Starting my running playlist I head out on my usual path through the park, up around the stadium, down by the river, and back home. Feeling recharged a bit I take a shower and make a quick sandwich before spending my remaining few hours of free time the way I spend all of my free hours, looking for work.

Not just looking for another job, but for another career. My last job was as an administrative manager in an office. I enjoyed it, and because I am such a detail-oriented person I was good at it. It was such a general job and I did such a wide variety of tasks, you would have thought I would not have had such a hard time finding another job after getting laid off, but here I am two years later still looking. Part of it is my fault, the more I look, the more I realize maybe I don't want to go back to just managing an office again. So I spend a lot of time researching various careers and seeing what I would like and what I am qualified to do.

As I do every time I do this, I get frustrated. When I first got laid off I was so confident that I would find another job quickly. The longer it takes, the less confident I become in everything, not just by ability to get a job, but in myself overall. This has become a downward spiral for me. Not only do I start to question my career decisions, but every life decision I make.

I groan in frustration when I realize that I have to get ready to go to work. The one nice thing about working at the bookshop is that I can just wear jeans and a shirt; I don't have a specific uniform. Heading out the door my mind is still swimming with thoughts of my failures.

I try to shake off the negative thoughts as I walk into the shop, plastering on a smile on my face greeting my co-workers.

"Hey Maggie!" Jen, one of the girls I work with excitedly greeted me when I walked in the back room.

"Hi Jen. How are you?" Jen is working here while going to college. She is a nice girl, but she tends to be very enthusiastic. Not something I am really in the mood for today.

"I'm great! I just got the grade back from that project I was telling you about, and I got an 'A'! She grinned and clapped her hands together.

I couldn't help but smile back at her. "That's great Jen. That must be a load off your mind."

"Oh my gosh it is. The project was a huge portion of the overall grade."

I nod my head, putting my bag in my locker. "So have we been busy today?" Jen explains that traffic has been about average as I clock in and grab my name tag. Looking over the agenda I find that I will be behind the register all night. Not my favorite assignment, but it's not the worst one I could have. Walking out from the back I took a deep breath and walked to the register to begin my shift.

The hours slipped by as I checked out customerafter customer. After a bit I forced myself to snap out of my funk fromearlier. I get in these moods occasionally, but luckily I can usually getmyself out of them. I smiled and joked around with my co-workers and customers,as far as anyone was concerned I was just as happy-go-lucky as Jen. I havebecome good at that, convincing people I am fine, when in reality I am anythingbut.