Twist And Shout Destiel (Not my story)

Part Five

POV: Third person omniscient (Cas)

Cas went back to Earth again the day right after that. He found Dean still in one piece, thank God. He had been terrified that waiting for him would be the remains of his love.

He followed Dean around the next few days, refusing to let him out of his sight. Cas noted that he had already reunited with Sam. They remained brothers in this life, apparently. Good for him.

He listened to their conversations. They were mostly about demons and monsters, and Cas realized with a jolt that this Dean was what they called “hunters”. They were responsible for killing said creatures and it was, in Cas’ opinion, the worst job to ever exist. How did Dean end up as one?

Cas followed them everywhere they went. To the restaurants they frequent, to the gas station, and he damn near followed Dean into the toilets as well. When he saw the demons’ eyes in the diner flicker black, he nearly crashed in and smited the Hell out of those blasted bastards. He halted himself just in time.

He followed the brothers to the motel they’re staying and listened to their every word. He watched them laugh, talk, smile…They were still the inseparable pair they once have been, Cas thought.

Cas never left. He never interfered either. During the whole time, he just watched silently.

He sat on the edge of Dean’s bed when the latter slept. He looked at how his chest rose and fell, and it reminded him of the times when he could lie on that chest and listen to those steady heartbeats. Sometimes, a strong arm would be around him, pulling him even closer…

So alike, and yet so completely different… This Dean and the one he knew. The one he loved. Complete opposites. In the span of just a mere few days, Cas had already gained an insight to the new Dean’s character. The way he thought, the way he spoke, Hell, even the way he stood. Nothing was the same.

Cas felt something clawing inside his stomach, a beast he didn’t even know that existed. He actually felt something akin to…resentment. Some kind of hatred, towards this Dean. He couldn’t help but feel that this man bearing Dean’s complexion took everything he and Dean had once shared, and that he was the reason for the crushing ache in Cas’ chest.

Cas knew he was being irrational. It wasn’t Dean’s choice to have his memories wiped. But still…

His thoughts got disrupted by a sudden movement from Sam. The latter got up wordlessly and went out the door. Cas didn’t go after him. He presumed he was probably just going out for some alcohol or something.

A few hours later, Dean’s eyes fluttered open.

Cas couldn’t help but stare.

The same striking green, He thought. But bearing the spirit of completely different individuals. Memories are what ultimately define you, after all.

Cas understood now. After millions and millions of years witnessing the many stories and legends of humanity, he finally understood how they worked. A person without his memories is nothing. A person with his memories altered cannot remain who he once was. What they encounter in their life shapes them. You can argue that a person’s personality is determined since birth, but he can assure you that that is not the case. The way you’re nurtured, the things you’ve experienced, the ways you fail and fight and get up…Those are what make you who you are today.

The Dean Winchester he knew? Gone without a trace.

Cas felt tears welling up again. He restrained himself from having a complete breakdown like what happened outside the convenience store, but a little sob still escaped him.

The effect of that little choked out noise was instantaneous. Dean covered his ears and cowered at the terrible sound. Cas had forgotten that humans could not always tolerate his true form.

Cas silenced himself immediately, for fear of causing more harm to him. He decided that it was probably best for him to leave Dean’s side for a while, to give himself somewhat of a break and clear his mind. He was obviously still not over the fact that Dean doesn’t remember him. But really, how could he ever be?

He certainly never did when Dean left him back then.

He gave Dean one last sweeping glance, and he was gone.

He found an abandoned warehouse nearby and landed outside of it. The place seemed deserted, and nobody would hear his anguished screeches if he did fall apart again.

What should he do? He was now under orders to protect Dean…at least until Michael takes over his body...

Cas laughed softly. A war was brewing. The 66 seals are being broken, one by one. Lucifer, the Devil himself, might walk free any moment now. And yet, here he was, worrying his heart out for the lover he thought he’d never see again. What the Hell has gotten into him?

Snap out of it. He urged himself. Castiel, you’re an angel now. You’re supposed to be emotionless. You’re a warrior of Heaven. What have all those centuries of war and slaughter taught you?

He remembered how he killed millions of humans without hesitation. He remembered how to lock every bit of sentiment he felt away. He remembered, how to demolish what was left of his soul.

Stop loving. Stop caring. Bury everything under a mask. Start killing. Start being ruthless. Do everything in the name of God.

That, is how an angel should be.

Soldier?

Ready.