Saving August

Timshel

   By the time that I got home that night, I was exhausted. I struggled to keep my eyes open at the dinner table with my family, and as everyone exchanged their stories about how their days went, I tried to come up with something reasonable to say. "How was your day Emrie?" my mother asked me in her soothing voice. If only I could tell her everything. My mother and I have always been very close, so not telling her what was truly going on in my life made my heart fill with a guilty ache that made me feel like I was lying to her. I blinked back the tears in my eyes. "It was great. Coach Hank asked me if I would like to be a manager for the football team. I said yes." I gave them my best smile and my dad nodded his head in approval. "It's a tough job, but you'll be perfect for it. I'm glad Coach Hank offered it to you, and it will look good on your college applications." The more we talked about it, the more anxious I grew about tomorrow. I had made leaps and bounds today but as I remembered Gabe's words, I knew that it was not always going to be this easy. My family and I finished our dinner full of our usual easy conversations, but for the first time in my life it was not easy for me. I felt like I was on a makeshift raft, drifting farther and farther away from the only land that I have ever known, out into the dangerously endless ocean. I lackadaisically helped clean the kitchen, and exchanged Goodnights with my family. I took a long, scalding shower, and slipped on an oversized t-shirt. I ignored the worried texts from Alyssa on my phone, and I was asleep before my head even hit the pillow.

My alarm clock gave me two shrill beeps before I practically jumped out of bed and turned it off. My newfound purpose in life did not give me time to hit the snooze button. I quickly dressed in a pair of worn skinny jeans and soft flannel shirt. I slipped on a pair of pink Converse, and made my way to the bathroom to finish getting ready. I left my long straight hair down, tucking the front pieces behind my ears. I applied a light pink lip gloss, some mascara, and my subtly sweet vanilla perfume. For Breakfast, I grabbed some oatmeal and ate it standing up as I listened to my family get ready throughout the rest of the house. I felt anxious about the day to come, and the little piece of morning normalcy was doing little to calm me down. My mom came bustling into the room and grabbed an oversized cardigan off of one of our old barstools. "Bye Emrie, have a good day at school." she kissed me on the cheek and walked out the door. "Bye Mom, love you." I called after her as I gathered my things. I sighed and looked around my empty kitchen to see if I was forgetting anything. "Bye Dad, Bye Jackson! Love you!" Their goodbyes rattled through the house as if they were my own echo. I walked out the front door, armed with a swift form of bravery. My newfound purpose propelled me forward.

When I finally made it to the school, I had at least ten minutes to make it to class, but I still felt as if I should be in a rush. I quickly grabbed my backpack and I began walking towards the building. As soon as I walked in the front door, Alyssa's agitated gaze landed on me. I nervously walked towards her, closing the gap between us. "Where have you been? I tried to text you. Why have you been ignoring me?" She was throwing her questions at me like they were 98 mph fastballs, and I knew that I was going to strike out. "I'm sorry I was really busy yesterday, and by the time I got home I fell asleep." She huffed at me in frustration. "Why did you act like that in class yesterday?" she asked worriedly. I was going to try and explain myself yesterday, but with all of the work that we had to do in our classes together, I never got the chance. "Umm I didn't feel well yesterday morning, I went to go to the bathroom and I bumped into August on my way out." I lied. "That is straight bs Emrie Chance and you know it. You can tell me. We don't keep secrets. Remember?" The bell rang and she let out a frustrated sigh. "I'll tell you later." I tried to get by her but she stepped in front of me. "Promise?" she asked me, but almost sounded like a threat to our friendship. "Yea, I promise." I lied.

Alyssa and I barely made it to class on time, and Mrs. Walsh gave us the look, signifying that we had displeased her. It was only eight o'clock in the morning, and I was already in trouble. Mrs.Walsh stood up from her desk and smoothed down the front of her black pencil skirt. Her Silver hair was up in a French Twist, and she had on a bright floral blouse. "Okay Students, it is time to begin working on your book reports. If you have yet to read the book, I suggest you do so. Get with your partners and get to work." She gave me a knowing look, and the corner of her aged mouth slightly turned upward in a miniscule grin. My cheeks flamed in embarrassment, and I definitely wasn't expecting what happened next. August got up from his desk and grabbed his book out of his backpack. He sauntered over to me and grabbed my book on my desk. "Let's go out in the hallway." he mumbled. I tried to come up with something to say, but I could only give him a nod of my head before I spasmodically tried to get up from my desk and put one foot in front of the other to follow him. He held the door open for me, and then walked into the hallway, taking a seat against the lockers and looking up at me expectantly. He grinned as I slowly took a seat next to him. We were sitting shoulder to shoulder, about an inch or two between us, but I still could not stop myself from noticing the body heat that radiated from the both of us in that small gap of space. He handed me my book, his eyes brushing mine before falling onto his own book. "Have you read it yet?" he asked, his voice pierced through the silence of the hallway. "Yea," I answered truthfully, even though I did it a month ago, "Have you?" He rubbed the back of his slightly sunburned neck. "Uh, I just started it, I mean, actually I'm almost done." He seemed slightly embarrassed that he was behind me, but in all actuality, he was actually probably ahead of the rest of the class. "We can finish reading it together. I don't mind." I smiled at him in an effort to make him feel more at ease. He sighed in relief. "Okay good, because I did not want to mess with this after practice tonight." he chuckled at me. "Same." I admitted, smiling brighter, "I love English, but I hate homework." "Haha, that's surprising coming from our school's number one book nerd." I knew he was kidding but I still felt a redness flush over my cheeks. "Well, I am full of surprises." I laughed as our eyes locked onto each others. I could see his subtle curiosity, under his smirky grin. "Yea, I've noticed Chance" I felt the heat wave of embarrassment sweep over me. It felt a little weird when he called me by my last name, like I was one of the guys, or even worse, directly associated with my father. That was how almost every guy on the team saw me. I loved my dad, but that didn't stop me from wanting to be my own person. "It's true. So what chapter are you on Thompson?" I asked, trying to play his game and change the subject from our unbelievably awkward encounter yesterday. "I'm on Chapter 47, but don't you for one second think that we are not going to talk about your little moment yesterday." "Okay we can take turns reading."I interjected. he nodded his head and chuckled as he opened his book. His deep, smooth voice reverberated through the quiet hallway. Soon Steinbeck's wise words were whisking me away to another world that began to remind me of my own. August began reading about the word "Timshel," and I knew that it was a sign. I looked as his soft, unaware, brown eyes, and I thought about the translation for that word. "Thou mayest," or "Thou mayest not." I knew that just like Cal, if I didn't choose right, August would make it to his final chapter sooner than he was supposed to. "Emrie!" August nudged me with his shoulder. "Yea?" I asked, snapping out of my morbid trance. "Are you going to make me read the whole thing? He asked sarcastically. I checked the time on my phone. "We only have a few more minutes left , let's finish it tomorrow." We both slowly stood up from our spots on our floor and made our way back into the crowded English Classroom. My heart felt like it was being squeezed inside my chest, while August gathered his things, completely oblivious to the fact that his future was being altered by our every move. The bell rang, and he briefly made eye contact with me as he walked away.