Saving August

Focus

  Wednesday and Thursday went by faster than I expected them to. I had spent time with Jake and Allyssa after school on Thursday, drinking coffee and studying for tests that I had already taken. It was good to see them, and hanging out with them almost convinced me that my life was could still be normal. August and I finally finished The East of Eden, and we talked a little bit more each day. There was something strangely comfortable about us sitting in the quiet English hallway, reading back and forth to each other. It was such a good book, and due to our book report we had to talk about all of the major themes of the story. It was always funny to me that two people could read the exact same words, but see completely different things. August and I had to fill out a paper for character analysis, and we had both been exchanging answers back and forth.

"Hey August, what do you think about Caleb?" I was scribbling notes, not even looking up from my paper, but his answer made me pause.

"I feel bad for Caleb, it seems that no matter what he does, he always screws it up somehow. I feel like Caleb sometimes." His voice was matter of fact, but I still looked up from my notes and into his melted chocolate eyes. They were looking off somewhere over my shoulder, but I could tell that they were troubled. August had always won at everything that he did, whether it be football games, or winning class favorite every year since the 7th grade. It was surprising to think that he felt like a screw up.

"I agree, Caleb wasn't my favorite at first, but eventually I had sympathy for him too." August's eyes flickered towards mine, free from the trance, and the corners of his mouth flickered upward. "But I also think that Caleb chooses it." I added.

"Chooses what?" August's eyebrows were scrunched together in confusion. I sighed and thought deeply about my words before I said them.

"I think that he chooses to be evil, or at least consciously makes the decisions that sway him in that direction. You're not like Caleb, you're good. Just because you make mistakes every once in awhile doesn't mean that you're a screw up." I said it all so swift and clear that I surprised myself. The right corner of August's mouth tilted upward and he nudged my shoulder with his. We both had our backs against the wall again with that inch or two of thermal energy in the space between us.

"Chance, you sure do have a way with words." I felt my face heat up drastically, and though I tried my hardest to suppress it, I knew my face was resembling the shade of crimson.

"Thanks, maybe I get too into books sometimes." I looked down at the papers in my lap and he chuckled.

"Well I'm glad I got you as my partner." August flashed my his famous smirk, and for a second, I fell for it.

"Really?" I questioned him. "Yeah. We are so going to get an A." I felt the hot air balloon of my self-confidence deflate and take a nosedive towards the tile floor.

"Oh...yeah...of course we are." Before I could question myself even further, the bell rang. "Dang we lost track of time." August slowly lifted himself himself up from our spot on the floor and offered me a hand. I took it timidly and was surprised when he hoisted me up to my feet with only a small flick of his wrist. We both grabbed our books and walked in the classroom to grab our backpacks. We were out the door and walking in different directions when I heard August call out, "See you at the game tonight Emrie!" I tried to stop myself, but I knew that I had a stupid grin splayed across my face. "See you then!"

I floated to Pre-Cal while simultaneously trying to pull myself back to the ground. August had literally been the only thing that I had thought about in the last week. How to save him, how it was going, and how I could do more were thoughts that constantly circulated through my brain- even when I was trying to sleep at night. I felt like I could add up the hours of sleep that I had gotten all week on one hand. Between the constant worrying and the nightmares, it was better to just stay awake and depend on caffeine to function. I mean, I was a lot shakier and clumsier than usual, but I was at school and I was awake. I felt like I was becoming obsessed with him, but how could I not be?