Supernatural Imagines

Dean Winchester X Reader

You Mess Up During A Hunt And Hurt Yourself
Title- I Can't Be Decent, Dean, I'll Never Be
Warnings- self harm, revenge, murder

Another for clo_knight. Enjoy!
And I made up the name of the reader's book, I thought it fit well.
And I'm also writing a Dean X Castiel self harm sometime

You're self mutilating had begun at fourteen, three years after a stranger had come in the night and killed your mother as she sat by your feet, reading you Falling, your favourite book. It was about an angel who fell from the heavens and met a man who promised to love her forever.
It wasn't until your father was on his deathbed reading you that book, that you really understood.
"And when the beautiful woman fell, the man caught her, cradling her as she wept. For she had fallen from the heavens.
'No wonder you are so beautiful' the man said.
'No, I am nothing, my father does not love me' the angel wept.
'But I do.'"
You had always thought that was the end of the story, you had always fallen asleep by that last line. But then he continued.
"And the man loved the angel. He gave her gifts, and showed her his ways, and his home, and welcomed her into his family. And after a year, they had a beautiful daughter. A nephilim, which they called Y/N, and they lived happily ever after."
"I love you my baby nephilim" your father whispered.
"I love you too daddy" you whispered...

It had been nearly eight years since the day your father had taken his last breath. Since then, seeking revenge on the angel that killed your mother, you had met the Winchesters on a hunt after an angel sighting, and taking on the Winchesters to help you avenge your mother.
Along the way, you had also picked up your self harming habit once again, and keeping it hidden from the boys, and their pet angel that you really wanted to stab sometimes. He had multiple times expressed concern for you.
It was after a hunt, a child had died.
It was Castiel's idea.
Yeah.
He thought to use the kid as bait.
When the angel struck, you were meant to save her.
But you froze.
The girl was no older than twelve.
Y/H/C hair danced round her head, like yours.
Y/E/C eyes shone, catching the light and standing out against the young girls Y/S/C skin.
She was literally you.
And you couldn't save her.
Just like you can't save yourself.
You dug through your makeup kit, pulling out the little jewellery box hidden at the bottom. Tugging it open, you didn't care that razors scattered all over the floor. You didn't even bother to lock the door. All you cared to do was dig at least one of them deep in your flesh, and feel the pain you really deserved.
You picked one up, not caring that it had touched the filthy floor, and took it to your wrist.
It was a scalpel, you had snuck it into your pocket recently during a hunt. The hospital was abandoned. No one would noticed it was gone.
It slid across your wrist with ease and split your skin in two. The blood bubbled up, thick, red, and pouring from your wrist at an erratic pace.
It won't stop, is all you thought.
Part of you didn't care.
Couldn't possibly care less.
But this tiny part of you felt guilt. The moment you recognised it, it tore through you and you burst into tears.
Who would find you? Would Sam have to see another person he loved die? Would Dean have to see another person he saved die alone? Would Castiel lose the last of his grace trying to save you from yourself?
No.
"I can't do that" you whispered. A knock abruptly came at the door.
"Y/N, are you okay in there?"
Dean.
"No."
"Do you want me to come in?"
"Not really" you whispered.
"I'm coming in Y/N, get decent" Dean called.
The door opened slowly. Dean stood still.
"I can't be decent, Dean, I'll never be" you whispered.
"I love you" Dean choked out.
"I love you too."
From that moment, you knew, it was gonna be okay...

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Clo_knight, please follow me *sam puppy face*
And this was so gawddamn long
Yall say penis