Drowning

Chapter 6

After she's been gone for awhile I stand up and look out the window, cold. but warmer than yesterday and the day before that. But it doesn't feel like that. It feels the same. Everything feels the same. Someone could die in front of me and I feel like I wouldn't feel anything for them. But then it would all probably hit me after awhile, maybe a few days. And I don't know what's wrong with me. Maybe my depression is getting worse, that would make sense. I lay down on my bed, staring up at the white, boring, blank ceiling. I wonder if there was someone like me, blank expression and looking up. I wonder if anyone else I know grabs there skin in disgust and drops mirrors off walls because the image shown is sickening.

I turn to my side seeing my phone light up like crazy. "Dude, I need you to come meet me at the gas station on 94 ASAP" I sit up, I slide open the message and send back "yeah okay be there soon, everything okay?". I start putting my shoes on, grab a sweatshirt and my skateboard, I put my hood up and check my phone. No response. "Fuck" I think to myself. Letting my lips mimic my mind. I run out of my room and dash down the steps skipping like 3 stairs at a time. I grab my keys so I can get back into the house to see my mom passed out on the counter. "Fucking drunk" I say under my breath. Her arm clasping a half empty bottle, her head down on the counter and her hair messed in array of knots. I roll my eyes so hard it hurts, I shut the door behind me and jump on my board. "If I can just get there in the next few minutes" I think to myself. I can feel my heart racing and limbs tiring after going about a mile. I see people driving by looking almost disgusted but also sorrowed towards me. They know me by my parents not me, I've never talked to these people yet I revive fake sympathy. I can see people talking.. whispering and glaring at me while I speed by. I'm almost there. I see her longboard outside. I jump off and let mine hit the curb. I pull open the doors and race to the cashiers. "Have you seen a girl with long dark blonde hair around here?! My height, blue/grey eyes?!" I ask frantically and out of breath. "Yeah" he says. "She came in about 15 minutes ago, she looked around and then she rushed off to the bathrooms and has been in there since". He looks down not seeming to concerned. "Thanks" I say, I dodge a few people between isle shelves and run to the back. I start pounding on the door. "ELENA?" I yell. BANG BANG BANG. "ELENA ITS T, OPEN UP". The cashier looks over the counter, confused, dazed, concerned that I'm making a scene.  I hear a faint come in. The doors locked. I check my pockets for a credit card or a bobby pin. Nothing. "God damnit" I say. I start looking on the ground near the bathrooms. "Elena it's locked I half to find something to open it" I say with my face close to the door. I start looking near the fridges and between isles. Suddenly this woman approaches me. "How old are you?" She says in a scraggly voice. "15.." I say back. She looks like a druggy. There's a lot of those around where we live. She has messy dyed red hair with dark brown roots. She has a dark coat on with fishnet tights and giant heels. Her makeup is all over the place and she's shaking like she needs a hit of something soon. "Go up to the counter and ask him for cough medicine. Here" she says handing me money, "pay him off so you don't get questioned.". " I really don't have time for this I need a bobby pin or a credit card or something to use really quick". I try to walk around her but she blocks my path "well how about a trade?, medication for bobby pin" she says, almost begging me. "Fine" I say, taking it and walking past her. I almost run up to the register and slam the cash down on the the counter. "Hey, me again" I look around frantically. "Cough medicine please". He looks at me weird. And then looks around me to the woman in the back. He slowly reaches one hand under the counter and grabs a bottle. "Are you of age to be buying this miss? Because if your gonna try to pull something we will call the cops". I look down at the bottle and back at him. "No,  my moms sick" I say, which technically isn't a lie. Just not in the way he thinks. I push the cash towards him and start to reach for the bottle. He looks down at the $5 and $20 laid down in front of him. "This doesn't leave us" he says and practically flicks the bottle at me. I leave the money and take the bottle. I can see him rolling his eyes in the corner of my eye. I walk back to the lady and give her the bottle. "Bobby pin" I say, holding out my hand. She rudely grabs one out of her hair and rips it out. She tosses it on the ground and starts walking away, "thanks for your help kid" she murmurs. "Bitch" I say under my breath. I get on my knees and start looking around for it. As my hands feel the tiles for a small price of metal and plastic I start to panic. What was she doing in there? Is this a joke? Suicide? What the hell? Why didn't she answer my text ?  I find the bobby pin and trip myself while getting up. I run into the door she's hiding behind. I start fidgeting with the lock. "HOLD ON, IM COMING ELENA.  JUST HOLD ON" I manage to get it open and burst through the doors opening. I turn around quickly and lock the door again. I glance down at her hand on the toilet and clenching her stomach. "Elena what happened?!"  I say frantically. She tries to say something but it comes out as little mumbles. She jerks forwards toward the toliet, her elbows holding her above and one hand grasping her hair back the best she can. Her body curls over while she starts gagging. "did you take too much of something??" Her body curling while she throws up. "Stay here, I'll be right back. Don't lock the door" I say, she motions her hand towards the door. I stand up and walk out past this woman waiting in line for the restroom. "You might as well go to the men's or a different gas station lady, she won't be out for awhile" I tell her. She ignores me and continues to stand there. I shrug and run to the isle of fridges. I look for the cheapest water I can find, I grab it then run over to the snack isle. I find unsalted pretzels and grab them too. As I'm starting to head over to the bathrooms the cashier grabs my arm and spins me his way. "Where the hell do you think your going with that?" He asks. "To the girl in the bathroom purging her brains out so you don't have to deal with a lawsuit if something happens to her in there" I say back in a pretty bitchy way. He tightens his grip and I pull my arm away, I start walking again and I turn around to see him glaring at me with his eyes filled with disgust. The woman is still standing in line. "Seriously I don't know why your wasting your afternoon standing here" I say again. She looks at me with an upset look on her face and walks away in a rude manor. I roll my eyes and go back into the bathrooms. Elena's leaning against the wall. "Here" I say opening the water and giving it to her. "Small sips and then take a pretzel, just like last time" I tell her. This isn't the first time this has happened. She's been dealing with bulimia for a year now. But we had gotten her to beat this habit of purging 30 minutes after eating. She stopped looking so underweight and sad. She looked healthy and happier. I break a pretzel in half and give it to her. Water. Sip. Pretzel. Break. Water. Sip. Pretzel. Break. Until she's eaten a little under half the bag and most of the water. "I don't know what happened Trinity.. I.. I" she stutters. "Shh, hey it's okay. The worst is over now, you've beat it before and we'll beat it again." I say opening up my arms for her to find comfort in. She leans into me and I wrap my arms around her. I brush her hair back and hold her tightly until a few minutes later she jerks out of my arms and starts gagging again. I immediately find her water and take the cap off. She clenches her throat like she can't breath. She takes a sip of water and a minute later she's okay again. She sat there with tears running down her face not understanding why these things happen. "Here," I say standing up. "I'm gonna bring you home, you need to sleep" she nods and wipes her face. She puts her hand up for me to help her up with. I open the door with her leaning against me, leaving the water and half empty pretzel bag. We're 15 ft from the door when the manager stops us. "Leave or im calling the cops, your in a lot of trouble." He says. "Exactly what did we do?" I ask. "Stealing food and public disturbances" he says crossing his arms. "You left out the part when you sold a minor over the counter medication" I say back, starting to walk away. "Fuck you" he says turning around back to the register. He slams his fist on the counter and the remaining customers turn to look at what had caused the disturbance. His face gets red and he quickly scurries into the back. We start walking out the door. "Here, I'm gonna grab our boards" I say running over to the wood with wheels. She starts trying to walk by herself. She looks dizzy and confused. I tuck the boards under my arm and let her lean on the other side of me so she doesn't tip herself over.  "What happened?" I ask, when we're not near the gas station anymore. "I.." her voice breaks off into a whimper. Her mouth shivering. Her hands moving up and down as if questioning and wondering what did happen. "I just had those thoughts again," her voice breaking into a cry. "I just couldn't see what I wanted too, in the mirror, in my eyes.." she buries her face in in her sleeves. Looking up, trying to stop the faucets from her eyes. "Hun.." I say, pulling her closer with my arm. "We will beat this again, it will be okay". She nods, "I'm assuming we have to start the list again? She asks, wiping her eyes. "Yeah. And I'll be with you every step of the way" I tell her as we approach her house. "I've got it from here, I'll text you later. Thank you" she starts up the stone steps to the broken home and opens the door. I put her board against the white and green wall and start walking home. It's 5. Maybe my moms dead. Thats a worry? I guess.. I mean, she's stopped breathing before. Passed out. Alcohol poisoning. Yikes, I know. But I mean it's only happened twice in the past 3 years. She smokes a lot too. Our house smells like cigarettes and empty bottles. I guess you never know if your gonna walk into a house with a person or alive person.