Changing Colour (A Dr. Who fanfiction)

Chapter 9: Black

It is a long walk back, they stop only once to eat and drink, all in silence. Rose thinks this must be a personal new record for her, but she gets irritated more and more and fears that if no one will offer an explanation soon, she will scream for one.

Within an instant, the Doctor is there before her. The girl slowly walks on and whether she notices the delay or not, she doesn't show. But when his fingers grace her temples, the girl is the last thing Rose thinks about, when all of a sudden she hears the Doctor's words in her mind.

“She is not allowed to speak and to respect her position, we will not either.”

The whole action does not last longer than a second, yet Rose perceives so much more than that short sentence. Behind the words she catches a glimpse of the red and orange with the pitch black borders and longing to be there again she reaches out. However before she can set foot on the illusory red grass, she is back on the green.

A look of shock is seen in the Doctor's eyes and Rose bites her lip. Immediately regretting her action as she tries to convey a wordless apology. He shakes his head, unable to tear his eyes away from hers and Rose suddenly wonders whether he is mad at her at all. His head tips down a fraction of an inch and her lips part when she suddenly realizes the desire she feels, is radiating from him.

She gasps and a little stumbling he quickly pulls back. As if trying to clear his mind, he shakes his head until his hair is a pointy mess sticking this way and that and Rose has to fight the urge to mess it even more.

They both start walking simultaneously and reach for each others hand with a need they both not really understand.

Nearing the end of the day, they discern a white gazebo, but not the one they left the basket with.

The Doctor stops dead in his track when realization dawns and Rose has to let go of his hand to cover her mouth in order to keep from laughing out loud. She is very grateful the girl bows and walks back to where she came from without so much of a pause and when Rose feels she is well out of their reach, she cannot hold back any longer.

While the Doctor sheepishly rubs his neck, Rose burst out laughing so hard she doubles over and collapses. Partly from being so incredibly tired. She holds on to her stomach while tears roll down her cheek and lying flat on her back, Rose finds the look on the Doctor's face worth all the discomfort she had to endure.

“It was... the... wrong... one.” She manages between hiccups and fits of uncontrollable laughter.

Unable and unwilling to forgo her lovely position on the soft grass just yet, she wipes the tears from her eyes and watches the Doctor slowly walk up to the gazebo and place his hand on a wall. Instantly a door is opened and the coral interior of the TARDIS becomes visible.

Pulling his ear, the Doctor leaves the door open and turns to Rose, who is still laughing on the ground. He looks as if he can't decide whether he should enter the TARDIS or join her. Rose decides for him and with a loud groan finally sits up.

“All that trouble, the walking, the silence, the cold!” She shouts, still grinning, “all for nothing!”

A goofy smile appears on his face and Rose bursts out laughing again.

“Please Doctor, dismantle that Chameleon thing again. Next time I just want to see that priceless blue box when we land.”

He walks up to her and grabbing her hand, he pulls her to her feet saying: “Oh, I don't know, would have missed a whole lot of fun if we hadn't lost her.”

The laughing ends abruptly and Rose bites her lip, grasping the full meaning of his reply. Trying to catch his eye she looks at his face, but he turns away and enters his ship.

Heaving a deep sigh, Rose walks after him, incredibly happy to be back home, but also very anxious about the continuance of their slightly altered relationship. She wonders if he will try to make it seem like nothing happened, or if he will say anything at all about it. She has enough questions to ask should he not begin about it himself, but will he be willing to discuss it?

For now all she needs is a warm bath and a soft bed, not necessarily in that order, but both are on top of her list.

Looking up, she finds the Doctor leaning against the console. Arms and legs crossed and seemingly studying her. A new priority flashes trough her mind and a faint blush makes his way to her cheeks when she sees him standing there. He seems relaxed, comfortable even. All fear and anxiety momentarily forgotten as he cocks his head and quirks an eyebrow.

He looks at her, she still wears the white linen dress, and even though she looks dead tired, with messed up hair and stains on her clothes and shoes, she looks as lovely as ever.

The past few days have been... interesting, to say the least. It isn't like he has discovered new emotions within himself, he has always known his feelings for this twenty-first century human girl went beyond caring for. From the moment she took his hand and followed him, she had held not only his hand, but his hearts. So looking at her right now and feeling the warm fuzzy feeling in his stomach was nothing new. Yet, having her consciousness inside his mind, for however short amount of time, is something he can not put beside him. He has never told her how he feels, even though he knows she feels it too, he has always been afraid for the inevitable. Not the physical consequences, when he is honest he has to admit he quite looks forward to those, but the emotional ones.

She is human, how can she ever fully understand what it means to have a Time Lord's absolute and unconditional love? She will be overwhelmed to say the least. Nine hundred years of information, experience, emotion, grief. No one, not even himself should have to carry some of the things he holds inside. And she will carry them should he ever let her in. There will be no holding back. When a bond is formed she will know him completely, will have free access to roam. He won't be able to conceal anything from her and he won't want to.

It will be like making a tiny hole inside a dam; it may be small in the beginning, but no force on Earth will be able to stop the flood once the water bursts free.

Yet she reached for his dark clouds with the same desire and ardour she lies in every action. Compassionate and with an eagerness to sooth.

He would not wish this storm raging inside him to even his worst enemy and she sought it willingly.

“Why?”

The single syllable confuses Rose momentarily, until she understands what he means.

“I...” Rose searches for words. She knows perhaps this is it, the day she has no other choice than to voice her emotions. For how can she possibly explain to him that she did what she did out of any other reason than love?

Frustrated she takes a deep breath and makes a decision. Biting her lip, she walks up to him until they are mere inches apart. She looks up at his face and sees he tries to shield his feelings. He fails miserably and that gives her hope.

She reaches up with her hands. He pulls back, but the TARDIS console is behind him. There is nowhere to go and her hands are already on his temples when he forms a first word of protest. By then it is too late.

Rose doesn't know what she is doing. Earlier, inside his mind, she caught a glimpse of this gesture and it is what he did to tell her to remain silent. But how to convey her reasons for willing to be close to him in this manner is beyond her.

Yet, this is the only way she feels she can and looking up at him she pleads: “Please, let me in?”