This whole damn book is about you

January 2017

I woke up with the taste of blood in my mouth again. I'm always feeling half alive. I'm dreading today, my heart feels as tho it is contracting, or a better word yet collapsing. It's my own fault if I wasn't such a push over I wouldn't be in this situation. This cruel thought that occurs to me all to often every hour of every day, "you don't care" is swimming around my head again. Blood has such a blank taste to it, I feel cold inside like a robot my mouth full of metal. I want to cry or scream but what's the point, robots don't have feelings anyway. My philosophy of using words to fill voids in my life is coming up short. Just another thing to add the list of "Things that failed me." I wish I didn't feel these things, I wish you reciprocated any of them. They say it takes time, I'm sick of waiting. I have to wonder which I often do, is it my fault. Maybe you're not the problem maybe I was weak and you were brave, I wish you were in a grave tho.

                 no i don't.