I Will Be... Perfect

Chapter 1 - The Mirror

Everytime I come home from school, I look at myself in the mirror, well... more like inspect myself. I hate my body, I'm a 5 foot 6 inch, 200 pound fat ass. When I am looking.. inspecting myself in the mirror I feel like I've always gained more and more weight. I know the scale says I've lost nearly 50 pounds already I still dont see it.

My brother, Dylan, always bugs me about my weight. He is skinny, and fit and has not a care in the world except for finding his next gram. Although, everytime I lose even 2 pounds he says he is proud of me. He knows how difficult this is on me. I've been called fat as long as I can recall and I want to change that.. Now..

I've been eating less and less, and exercising and working out more than even seeing my best friend, Kyla. I met Kyla when I was just starting high school. She had always stood beside me through my few, but all my boyfriends. But once she started dating this guy named Greg, she hasnt bothered to hang out with me at all. Not like I'm insisting either, I'm working on my weight, no real time to socialize.

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Dinner time arrives fast. I didnt realize looking at thinspo blogs and reading what people have to say on twitter about their horrible and over eating day has been, would pass the time so quickly. My dad, Kevin, yells "Becca, Dinner.. No EXCUSES!". My perents have been on my case about 'not eating enough' and 'how not eating right makes you gain weight'. They act as if I've never even looked any of this shit up.

I get down to the kitchen table and see we are having sausages, and I say "Sorry but I'm not in the mood for sausages, and besides I ate a tonne at school today." to my dad. He laughs, while Dylan says "What you can just throw it up later if you will feel that bad." I hate how they all laugh about my issues. "Okay, Not eating.. going to my room... bye". I'm so going to hear this from my mom later.

Later in the night, my mom, Sandy, creeps into my room while I am doing my nightly 300 crunches. and she askes "Becca, can you stop and listen to me for a minute."

"Sorry mom, got to finish, Im at 250, only 50 more" I said harshly as if in pain.

"I said stop it Becca, NOW" my mother yells. So I stop. "Becca, I'm concerned about your unhealthy weight loss, look at you, you're fading away"

"Are you on crack mom? Look at this," I say as I pull my shirt up for show my belly. "do you find this attractive? Guys sure don't, they want the skinny, beautiful, strong girls who can take 300 crunches and not feel the burn..." I sigh. "they want perfecion"

My mom looks at me with worry deep in her eyes "Becca, you'll get there, there is no need to rush, taking your time shows you have the strength to keep going no matter how hard it gets." Man I totally hate it when she is even a little bit right.