I Will Be... Perfect

Chapter 2 - Are you serious?

Note from author: I hope you guys like this so far, I realize that chapter 1 is very short, but it is only there to just give you a taste of what is coming.

As the clock ticks I cannot wait to get home and do my 300 afternoon crunches. I feel as though I am addicted to my workout during the day, its not very much like me. I'm abnormally lazy, I hate going out of the house, I don't like spending my time with friends as much anymore, where I am almost always forced to eat something. I'm glad my friends all think my work load is way too heavy to be socializing. Oh yuck. I hate when I walk through the school, to go for a smoke, and see my best friend Kyla making out with her boyfriend Greg, right in the middle of the school. The worst is that she and I always made fun of those kinds of couples throughout high school we would yell things like 'Why dont you just fuck already?' What happened to that?

God if I didnt smoke I'd probably eat all the time it's pathetic. I just light up then here comes Amber. Amber has lately been my best friend figure, I'm glad me and her have gotten so close, she is truely pretty kick ass. But if only I could have her slender figure. It is all I ever think about now, is my fucking fat body.

"Hey Becca! Oh my god do I ever have news for you!" Amber shouts across the parking lot while skipping towards the smoke pit out front of the school. "So Kaleb was at my house and my mom walked in on us... doing.. um... you know what... and it was so awkward!" Amber says while slowly blushing but laughing to hide the embarassment.

I laugh "That has happened to me many of times.. especially worse when it is his mom's boyfriend." Amber and I laughed and chit chat the rest of the smoke break. "I got to get to class, don't want to be too too late, See you later Amber." and she waves to say goodbye.

As I watch the clock 'tick, tick tick' Kyla nudges me and says "Are you going to answer me or what? Sometimes I wonder if you losing weight will make you deaf."

"Sorry I'm just tired, My mind is in Kansas right now.. what was your question?"

"I asked if you want to come to a concert, a bunch of our favourite bands will be there!!!"

"Who is all going?"

"Me and Greg, and you if you will come!"

"I'll pass.. maybe next time.."

"You always say that.. do you hate my boyfriend or something?"

"No, he is cool, I just wouldnt want to tag along on your dates, sorry, if more people were going you'd know I would go.. I miss the headbanging days.." I can't lie to her, "but I'd rather wait until I find someone I'd like to go with, and if you guys want to come too thats fine, I'm no third wheel.. You know that.."

"Oh, Becca, it will be fun! You still should come..."

"No, I'm not going to go to watch you guys make out like at your birthday party... except out there I can't just go home..."

"What's gotten into you? You're acting so edgy.."

"Just stop talking please." I say as I put my headphones in because I really couldn't give a rats ass what she wanted to say after. I just want to go home. Workout. Sleep. Die.

Not long after arriving home my mom yells "Becca come down for some lunch!"

"Already ate.. sorry mom." Total lie, and for some reason I dont mind telling it. It's almost April, and I'm still 200 pounds, it's time I crack down on this and eat bare minimum. I check MyFitnessPal today and it says from my 630 calorie intake from yesterday's dinner, I would weigh 185.4 pounds in 5 weeks without any exercise but with my crunches, leg lifts, wall push ups and jog on spot for 5 minutes all 3 times a day I would be 172.3 pounds in 5 weeks. This Ipod app has helped me lose the first 50 pounds since February 1st. Yeah 50 pounds in almost 2 months is record drop, but thats only about 10 pounds per week.. I want to go down 15 minimum by next week.

I sneak into the bathroom early in the morning every Saturday morning. I check my weight and it says 185.8 pounds! HOLY CRAAAAP! I feel like I want to dance and scream and jump up and down, because I lost 14.2 pounds since last saturday! But I can't, I remind myself that 185.8 pounds is still FAT! This is where I begin to cry... I search through the drawers and find my secret razorblade in my compact mirror, I stare at my self while I cut my arm.. Weird I know.. But it takes the crying away...

I started jogging a few weeks back, I go once a week, always on Saturday after I weigh myself. As I get back in through the door I hear yelling from inside. I slowly creep inside and hear my mom swear her mouth off "DO YOU NOT SEE WHAT THE FUCK SHE IS DOING TO HERSELF?! EVERY SATURDAY GOES FOR A JOG FOR 3 FUCKING HOURS?! I THINK SHE OUT DOING DRUGS SOMEWHERE AND WE NEED TO PUT AND END TO THIS DRUG DEALING BULLSHIT!"

My mom thinks I'm a drug dealer? I laugh so hard that I'm sure she hears me. "You really think I deal drugs mom," I say out of breath from jogging and laughing so hard "I'm only jogging mom, Jesus, have from faith, be proud for who I am becoming, Fuck."

"Well why are you out there for 3 hours? you never stay this commited to something unless theres something in it for you. So what are you getting out of this?"

Is my mom fucking serious? "What am I getting out of this?! ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS! LOOK MOM I'VE LOST 64 POUNDS AND YOU CANT EVEN BE FUCKING HAPPY FOR ME, LET ALONE BE PROUD OF ME FOR TAKING THE FUCKING INIATIVE TO GO FOR A 3 FUCKING HARD ASS HOUR JOG, TO TRY AND DROP ALL THE WEIGHT I'VE GAINED OVER THE YEARS?! ARE YOU SERIOUS?!"