The Star and the Hopeless

Simula

Dahan dahan akong pumasok sa loob ng simbahan. Maraming bisita, maraming tao... Cameras flashing everywhere. The venue was filled with flowers... just like a paradise. Just like what I dreamed of. This is my dream wedding. 

Mula sa malayo ay nakita ko siya. His brother beside him, and they were laughing. I tried to catch my breath while looking at him from afar. He can't be this gorgeous, no. I've seen him wear different clothes, but this time, he looked even better in my eyes. The suit and tie looked great in him. I've seen him wear different suits before, for photo shoots, for business, for parties... but the view of him on the corner of the aisle is breathtaking.

I suddenly remembered something. Something nostalgic. The crowd of people, the sound of people cheering, some crying... and the sound of my heart beating. Ganitong ganito noong una ko siyang nakilala.

And as I watched him, tears streamed down my face. Patuloy na tumulo ang luha sa mata ko. Iyak ako nang iyak, humahagulgol. 

"Ready on your seats, nandyan na ang bride!" Sigaw ng isang babae. 

Sinubukan kong punusan ang luha ko upang makitang mabuti ang napakagandang bride na papasok sa simbahan. Her dad was holding her hand, just like what a father would do on his baby girl's wedding. Ang ganda niya. She looked really pretty in her white off-shoulder wedding gown. I heard it was made by one of the best designers in the Philippines. This one lucky girl. Ang maswerteng babae na papakasalan ngayon ng lalaking mahal ko.

Imbis na tinigil ko ang pag iyak ko para makita kung paano maglakad papalapit si Natasha. The smile on her face is priceless. Pinipilit ko ang sarili ko maging masaya. Kinukumbinsi ko ang sarili kong maging masaya... Dahil kung hindi ko pinakawalan ang lalaking mahal ko ay wala ang magagandang ngiti ng babaeng ito. Her smile is enticing. Everyone loves her smile at hindi ko alam kung bakit may pait sa akin ang makita iyon ngayon. 

Humagulgol ako lalo. No one can see me from the side, sa likod ng mga bisita. Lahat sila ay nakatutok sa bride na papalapit na sa kanyang groom. Kitang kita ko mula rito ang malapad na likod ni Hunter habang tinatapik siya ng kanyang kapatid sa balikat. 

Kumalabog ang puso ko nang lingunin ako sa likuran ni Hayden, ang kanyang kapatid. May tinawag siya sa may likuran niya. I think he told my cousin... that I'm here.

Hayden looked at me with sad eyes. I smiled. My eyes are red from crying but I smiled. Humahagulgol ako but I smiled. He looked at me with worried eyes and called my cousin from behind him. Napansin ko ang pag alis ng aking pinsan sa likod ni Hayden.

"Kelsey." Tawag sa akin ng aking pinsan. Pinunasan ko ang luha ko at pilit ng nginitian siya kahit na ang labi ko ay ayaw akong pangitiin. She hugged me. But I was to weak to hug her back.

Parang lumipad ang puso ko nang lingunin ako ni Hunter. Gulat ang kanyang ekspresyon.

Hunter, today I am letting you go. I will move on and I will let go. Hahayaan na kitang maging masaya. I am a poison in your life. I am the one who prevents you from reaching the top.

"Congrats." I mouthed, while trying to smile. I gave him a thumbs up ngunit tumaas lamang ang kanyang kilay. 

Lahat ay napalingon sa aking banda. Pakiramdam ko ay babaliktad ang sikmura ko. I am ruining their wedding, dahil imbis na kay Natasha silang lahat nakatingin ay sa akin sila ngayon nakaharap. Maybe all your fans were right. Maybe I don't deserve the love from you.  Maybe fate thought so too, kaya siya na ang gumawa ng paraan. I believed in them kaya hindi ko tinanggap ang pagmamahal mo noon. Because I thought I didn't deserve it. 

Hinawakan ng pinsan kong si Eliana ang aking kamay ngunit hinawi ko ito at tumakbo papalayo. I think I ruined the wedding, and if I stayed, baka lalo lang maging magulo. Some of their fans are there at alam ko na kung ano ang iniisip nila ngayon. 

I didn't care what people thought, basta tumakbo ako papalayo. Maraming alaala ang naisip ko. From loving him from afar, from our first date, his affection, and the fight we had. I tried moving on, became the woman I wanted to be. Only to see him again... Rollercoaster, and now he's getting married. And I cried even more... Kelsey, cry more. Cry until you can't cry anymore...