Musings

Valentine's Day

The feast of St. Valentinus(one of several(although I'd prefer it to be the feast of St. Jimmy(St. Jimmy is the patron saint of Chaos and the Underground. He was born with a pistol in his right hand and a syringe in his left. His wings are the blood and carnage of the urban jungle. His occupation is drug dealer. His goal is anarchy. He is a being too wild and dangerous to die at the hands of anyone except himself. St. Jimmy is the Angel of Destruction. And he's comfortable with that))(How many parentheses do I have?). Where was I... Ah, yes. Ol' Valentinus himself. 

Valentinus #1: A saint of valor and strength.

Valentinus #s 2-8: A number of bishops and whatnot that were martyred way back when. 

Valentinus #9: Now, and only now, do we get to the saint of courtly love. Hear that? Courtly love. Like chivalry and other noble stuff(although courtly love was originally a fictitious concept... a bit like someone inventing Saint Frodo's Day(which, by the way, is September 22) and then celebrating it for the next 500 years). Courtly love is all about going on giant quests for your lady. Medieval quests. Y'know, the whole dragon-slaying thing. You ever slayed a dragon? It's tough. So if you can't do that, then you can't really do courtly love. If you can't do that, then why in all hell are you celebrating St. Valentinus?

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Well, I finished everything I meant to do, and it's still a really short article. So I guess I'll just do 'St. Valentine's Day Around The World', for what it's worth( I'll also do my damned best to prove something wrong with each individual practice).

U.S.A.: People spend $130 every year on cards and chocolates. Look, I get that you want to eat chocolate. I hear it's popular. But just eat the stupid chocolate and shut up about love and shit. Also, cards? In some schools they're required. You get points off if you don't do some. So yeah. Instead of being graded for academic proficiency, you're graded on how well you can draw a heart.

Latin America: In the general Latin America area, it's call Dia del Amor y la Amistad(Day of Love and Friendship). It isn't uncommon to see people performing 'acts of appreciation' for their friends. There is also the Amigo secreto(secret friend), which is basically Secret Santa in February. And then there's Brazil. Brazil has something like that, the Dia dos Namorados(Lover's Day), which happens on June 12. This is because of Carnival, which can happen anytime between early February and early March. In all the chaos, it's kind of hard to remember one badly-done holiday. Because of Carnival and the lack of a legitimate(existing) Valentines Day, Brazil's a fairly popular holiday destination around that time.

China: There is a Chinese Valentine's Day, of sorts. It's called the Qixi Festival, and it celebrates a day way back when when a cowherd and a weaving maid were allowed to get together. Boring. Traditionally, young women go out and pray for skills and men and stuff. More boring. It's on the seventh day of the seventh lunar month. MY GOD SO BORING. They also do White Day. Cautiously less boring... White Day is celebrated on March 14. Creeping back towards entertained... Women give white chocolate to men and men give gifts back. ALERT ALERT THE BORING IS BACK.

Finland/Estonia: I've mushed together these two because they're right next to each other, as well as having literally the exact same holiday, only in different languages. The holiday translates to Friend's Day, and it is more about remembering friends rather than romantic relations. Although I do have to wonder how they would process friends-with-benefits.

France: France, the land of love. No wonder they do Valentine's Day in much the same way Americans do.

Greece: In Greek tradition, St. Valentinus had nothing to do with romantic love. Then our American influence happened and Valentine's Day occurred.