River (BoyxBoy)

{FOUR}

We were sitting on my bed, on a late June night, the sky had just turned dark and the out of season Christmas lights in my room were our only source of lighting, it was calming, it was nice. At this point, we'd only been together for three months. But it was the best three months of my young life, we were kids, fifteen. Ben was getting amped up for his sixteenth birthday in a couple of weeks as he laid his head in my lap, picking at the hackysack in his hands that he had a new obsession with.

"I think I'll just have you and Kelly come with me to the movies. The new spider man is coming out. Did you want to see that?"

"It doesn't matter to me," I said with a smile, running my fingers in his hair. "It's your birthday."

"Yeah, but your opinion matters most to me."

"What about Kelly's?" I said with a laugh.

"Kelly can suck a dick." I couldn't help but laugh, and he laughed too. Until he sat up he kissed my cheek, so pure, so sweet. The sweetest was washed away when he licked my cheek.

"Ew!" I cried, pushing him away, Ben laughed pushing me over and licked my cheek again. I squirmed, trying to push him away, but not really hard enough that would cause him to leave.

When he stopped Ben was on top of me, I was breathing heavy from laughing as he looked down at me with a serious look on his face. "Ben?" I whispered, the face he was making was making my stomach churn, but it was with the butterflies, half excited to know what he was thinking.

He didn't speak. He just leaned down, pressing his lips to mine. I froze. I'd never been kissed like this before. Never on the lips. It was soft, it was safe. Ben moved his arms from my sides tot he side of my head, leaning down on his elbows as his lips touched mine. It was awkward, but not enough to pull away.

It took a few seconds, but it felt like a lifetime until he pulled his lips away from me and looked down, he looked at my face, studying it to make sure what he did was okay. I assured him with a small smile, moving a hand to run in his hair once again. He relaxed, taking a deep breath before meeting my smile. "Noah. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me."

I blushed, as did he. His cheeks a shade I hadn't been since he asked me to the movies, alone for the first time. "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me too Benjamin." And he was.

T minus one week until we left for home, and I was starting to feel anxious, I hadn't gone into the coffee shop since Evan had given me his number, but we did have a lot to text about. He never let the conversation die. He wasn't pushy though, it was actually kind of nice. He would send me a text every morning, at the end of the day he'd ask how my day was, then a simple goodnight before bed.

I didn't know what to think about it. A part of me loved the attention, but the other part of me, the darker, sadder part didn't want him to focus his time on me, because it would go nowhere, I wasn't looking for somebody else. I wasn't looking for someone to replace Ben.

No one would replace Ben.

And maybe that was the things people could never replace Ben, but maybe I could make space in my heart for other people? Maybe I just needed to open up more.

I was well aware of that fact, but still, it didn't matter. I didn't want to date yet, I didn't want to move on yet. No matter how much everybody around me thought I should.

"What are you doing?" I jumped, looking back to Valley who tried to peer over my shoulder. Trying to see what I was typing on my phone.

"Nothin'" I mumbled, slipping my phone int my pocket, we were standing in the back room of work, "Being nosey?"

"Me?" Valley scoft. "Never."

I smirked, "Sure Val."

"I was just going to ask you if you wanted a coffee?" She pulled out her bank card, holding it between two fingers. "I could use a cookie about now."

"Actually. Yeah, I could." And if she was willing to go, it made it even better.

"Great, get me an extra large," She said, slipping her card into my chest pocket before skipping off into the front of the store. I looked after her, mouth open like a fish out of water.

"But-" I tried, but it was useless, by the time I left the back room she was already speaking to a customer, and I couldn't interpret her. So, I bucked up, biting on my lip as I slipped from the store and made my way across the busy street.

Maybe he wasn't working, maybe he was working a later shift. He might not even be there.

He told you this morning that he was getting ready for work.

Yeah well, maybe he left for his lunch or got off early.

I was never that lucky, the first head I saw when I walked in was his, with his bright smile saying goodbye to someone as he handed them their drinks.

I gulped, taking a deep breath as I walked to the counter.

"Good afterno- Oh hey Noah." He greeted, a big smile on his face. "Mocha?"

"Yeah, mocha and Valley wants a coffee and a cookie."

"Regular?"

"Yeah." I sighed, nibbling my lip again.

"I haven't seen you in a while, figured I scared you off." He joked, well half-joked, because if we were being honest, it was true. He did scare me off.

"No, I've just been busy. Packing to go home and all that for the holiday."

"Oh Yea, that's right you were saying. Are you excited?"

I shrugged, taking the drinks as he held them out. "A little I guess. I better get back to work." I said, trying to run out of there as soon as possible.

"Yeah, yeah sure. Hey. Before you go, I was wondering." Oh no. "Want to come with me on Friday to Bellers? My bands playing, and I would love to catch a drink with you after, bring a friend if you want." He grinned, I just nodded.

"Sure, text me the details," I said as I started to walk away. Walking out the door the cool air hit me in the face, and I gulped it down, trying to calm my speeding heart.

This wasn't good. Not good at all.