Someday

"You got to dream as if you will live forever, and live as if you'll die today."

I stared at her photo in my phone while her voiced echoed inside my head despite of the surreal noise surrounding me. Tumayo ako mula sa kina-uupuan ko dito sa loob ng isang bar and stared at the flashing lights, the band playing at the stage and dancing people below. I don't even know why I am here in the first place. I screwed up so many times, done things I regretted in the end and here I am realizing ang laki kong gago. I smirked at the thought. I took one last sip of the beer I was drinking at lumabas na para takasan ang ingay mula sa loob. But there was something na hindi ko matakas-takasan. I tried to shook my head at the thought at nagsindi ng yosi.

Mukhang tumama na ata ang ininom ko kanina. Pasuraysuray akong lumabas ng may matamaan ako. It was three guys na mukhang basagulero. Tinignan nila ako ng masama. I tried to ignore them at nagpatuloy sa pasuraysuray kong paglalakad palabas nitong maingay na bar.
I didn't know meeting her would turn my world upside down.
Nah. It was not that bad at all. Yeah sure, ilang beses na akong napasubo sa mga ilang bagay, napahamak, napaaway, nasasapak sa tuwing kasama siya, but she was also the one that gave spark to my boring routine-like life. Nagawa ko ang mga bagay na hindi ko pa nararanasan. When I thought time doesn't seem to fly by, she made me realize hindi mo mamalayan ang oras at bitin palagi ang bawat segundo sa tuwing masaya ka. I never thought I could even enjoy simple things in life kung hindi ko siya nakilala. She taught me how to live free, how to live the way I want.

Sometimes I was thinking about, if I could go back to those good days.

If I had just known....

But I was an idiot. Napakagago ko.

Oo, napakagago kong tao. I tried to smirk habang pinupunasan ang duguan kong putok na labi. Sinumbatan ako ng tatlong lalaking nabangga ko dito sa eskinita sa labas. I don't know if it's due to the alcohol dahil hindi ko manlang maramdaman ang mga suntok nila o tamad na akong manlaban. I don't mind what would happen to me anyway. I felt my knees gave up at napaluhod ako. Sinipa ako ng isa tagiliran na ikinatumba ko naman sa malamig na sahig. As my consciousness falters, tinignan ko lang silang lumakad papalayo. It was then that I noticed my cracked phone on the cold cement beside me with her picture still showing.
Why did I let you go? Please go back. Maghihintay ako kahit ilang araw man ang dumaan. I missed you.

---

A year ago~

"Hey! Ty!"

I sighed. Kinuha ko ang earphones sa tenga ko and paused ang pinapanood kong 'The Walking Dead' sa cellphone ko kahit labag sa loob ko when I realized someone called my name.

"Nakikinig ka ba?" Nakakunot noong tanong ni Terrence na biglang sumulpot dito sa harap ko. Naka-upo siya sa harap ko dito sa bus.

Shit.I'm dead. Napa-isip agad ako ng palusot and just gave up nang wala akong magandang maisip.

"Uhh. Saang banda na ba ng usapan tayo?" Napakamot ako ng ulo at napangiti ng pilit. Mas lalo pang kumunot ang noo niya.

"Earth to Tyler!" Iwinagayway niya ang kamay niya sa harap ko.

"Uuy. Galit si Madam Terrence!" Siko ni Ray na katabi ko dito sa loob ng bus. Read the mood Ray, dadagdag ka pa talaga.

"Hayaan mo na, excited lang yan" Singit ni Tom mula sa kabilang aisle ng bus.
Napatango na lang ako at napabuntong hininga. I tried to to ignore Terrence's sassing right now at dumungaw na lang sa bintana. I sighed. Another day has passed again and here I am, still running away. Napa-iling ako. What am I thinking? I should focus right now.