It never ends - Bring me the horizon
It's been a week since that incident happened. Some of my cuts are scars now and others are not. The reason why I cut myself/ plan to suicide because i want to end the pain.
The pain of my lost mother.
The pain of being bullying
And the pain of being alone.
My mother was gone since I was young. When we are strolling on the park, I told my mother that I gonna buy something at the popcorn stand, so i left her with my brother, that is a year older than me. When I came back, my brother Edward looks glum and i asked him where our mother was. He said, when they were standing by the fountain, he was pointing to a mascot, but to his surprise, no one responds to him. When he looked behind him, our mother was gone. So we called our father on his work to fetch us. Then we were sad to tell him the bad news so we were crying while he was driving us home.
Years later, with the pain of being alone, our dad found a wife. She was a bit wealthier than us and we were. But then, bad luck came and when our stepmother was giving birth, she died. Not until long, the child whom she gave birth too, died.
The woman gave her fortune to our dad. Then our dad became depressed and wasted our money on useless things that we will never ever use. When he come home from work, he always smells like liquor and his working clothes would always have a kiss mark. Fortunately, he didn't abused or beat us. He would just ignore us and go to sleep.
So yeah, for me, my father's depression was contagious.
My classmates knew my mother was gone (but i'm hoping that she is still alive) so they would always bully me and tell me that i am fat even though i'm not. I am easily affected by that matter so I strived not to eat that much. My brother would always end up bringing me to our family doctor. The bullying got me psychiatrically so I need to be skinny even though I look like a living skeleton.
So by my appearance, I wouldn't have friends because all they care was the fortune, fame and beauty. My only friends were the outcasts (they were two, namely Essie Moore and Laina Waters) and they are nice to be with, but I am feeling that there is something wrong and they are keeping secrets about me.
So yeah dear diary I'm telling this to you because you are the only one that I can trust.
-skye◆
