Lost **Nash Grier fanfic**

Choose or lose

"Nash!" I giggle. "I have to get my stuff and we have to get back soon." He sighs and continues driving to my house. He puts his hand on the console and I grab it and play with it. The next time I look up we're at my house, we hop out and I show him the way up to my apartment. He holds my hand the whole way...
I unlock the door and go straight to my room to begin packing up. I've decided to move in with the Grier's.

After about five minutes Nash finds his way into my room. "Need some help?" He asks and I shake my head. "I'm just gonna get a few clothes and necessities until I feel like I need to come back and get more." I say and he nods.

"Still can't choose?" He asks looking everywhere but at me once again. I push myself up from the ground and only my feet right in front of him and he still avoids looking me in the eye. I grab his face and turn it to face me. "I told you I'm too complicated for you. You'll get hurt." I whisper and it takes everything in me not to kiss him. "But you don't have to be...you just have to choose me and there won't be any need for complications." He looks at me with tears brimming his eyes. "It's always been you for me..." he whispers.

I push myself away and finish packing and the entire time Nash stares at me. I finally finish and he helps me carry my boxes to the car, I packed 5 of them. Once it's all in the car I look around at my apartment, then lock the door and meet Nash in the car. The whole ride is dreadfully quiet and all I can think about is who I'll choose. "I can do complicated." He says as we pull up to his house. I glance at him and there's an emotion on his face I cannot identify. I open the car door and walk up to the house and once I get in there's a while living room of boys staring at me, even some new ones.
"I need 5 of you to go get my boxes." Was all I needed to say and ten stood up. They raced out to the car and Nash came in and went straight upstairs.

I'm horrible.

I directed the guys to my new room and sat on the bed for a minute. "Knock knock." Someone says as they enter my room. Gilinsky. "God no." I say out loud without meaning to. "Damn okay." He says turning around.

"Jack wait. I didn't mean that because of you it's just...you know I've had a crush on you since we met?" He turns back around and nods like it's nothing new. "And...and..and Nash too. I've liked Nash for a while. And Shawn. I'm terrible." I whisper the last two words. Gilinsky nods as if everything I said is old news. He sits down next to me and just stares at me.

"When you were 6 you told me that you hated me more then anything or anyone else in existence. Remember why?" I shook my head no. "Because I stole your fruit snacks." We laughed. God was I petty or was I petty? "And I asked you if I kissed you, would you love me again..." he trailed off staring at my face. He was in a daze.  His voice cracked and I'm gonna say it was puberty or a cold because I don't ever want to have the power to make someone want to cry. "And you said, and I quote 'only if you promise to love me forever'. I promised. I'm still keeping my promise." He's still fixated on something on my face and I don't know why or what to say or do but I guess I don't have to because...

"I still love you." I choked. I wasn't eating anything, I wasn't drinking anything, but I choked. I guess I was just wondering how. Why. "Jacky I don't know who to choose." I held it in for 7 seconds exactly before it just flooded out of me. I was crying tears that I wished were my problems so they could float far far away. "I'm so fucking stupid." I mumbled wiping my face only to earn more tears. He wrapped his arms around me, kissed the top of my head and said, "no you're not. Sh. No matter who you choose I'll always be here, but baby you've gotta choose." I look up at him and wonder how such an amazing human could possibly exist.

"I'll meet you downstairs in a minute okay?" I said and he got up to leave. He turned the corner and said hey to someone, and not a second later Nash appeared in the doorway. "I heard the whole thing. I see why you can't choose. But like Jack said, who ever you choose, we'll always be here for you...in fact. Hey follow me." He grabs my hand and drags me downstairs, and we enter the living room. I know I look a mess right now but I can't find the will to care.

"Raise your hand if you remember Kira." Was all mash said and all the hands in the room went up, even the guys I couldn't identify.

"Sammy. Brent. Dillon. Christian. Skate." Nash said pointing at them as he said their names. I do know them. I do remember them. I let my jaw drop and all I could do was stare. "I just thought it'd be better if I didn't say anything about it..." Johnson trailed off and a couple of the guys nodded in agreement. I don't know why but I'm overwhelmed and tires and irritated and I just walk out the door. I ignore the guys calling after me, and I run. I don't know where to and I don't know for how long but I run.

It isn't until I get there that I know it's my destination, the bridge. If I were to jump off of it I could die the second I hit the water. I climb up on the ledge and sit. I used to come here when momma made me mad. Or when daddy was drunk. They always found me, they always stopped after that, but then they started again. I wasn't ever going to kill myself, I just like to sit here and watch the water. I sit there for two hours, and my phone was buzzing nonstop the whole time. I look to my right and see all of the boys staring at me motionless. Find your friend is on on my phone. Nash had my location. Shawn and Nash start walking toward me slowly.
"Come on K get down." Nash coaxes. Him and Shawn know I've never wanted to jump. "We know you're not gonna do anything stupid or irrational but I think you should still come down...just to be safe..." Shawn says getting closer. I stood up on the ledge and got as close as possible.

"Something stupid and irrational like this? All I have to do is move the slightest bit and I fall." I say. Shawn and Nash stop dead in their tracks, their faces as pale as snow. "I'd have never done it because of my parents. They didn't deserve the satisfaction of it. They didn't deserve to get rid of me and I wasn't going to help them. But I've been thinking about this really hard and...maybe I was a mistake. Right? My own parents gave me up. God how pathetic is that? They didn't want to deal with me, and neither did the system... They urged me to emancipated, begged me to. And maybe I've been thinking too much and I have no idea why I'm thinking the things I'm thinking right now, but they're taking over." No one dares to move even a centimeter and no one dares to blink, it's as if the feel like if they blink I'll be gone. And I really really want to be gone. I've been thinking too much about the past and I'm about to let it terminate my future. We stand there a few more moments and my legs are getting tired. I break my stare on them and look out at the water. It's so beautiful.

I want to be a part of something that beautiful.

But it isn't my time yet. I turn to look at them again and no ones moved but tears are staining their rosy cheeks. Silly us, it's the middle of winter why didn't we bring jackets? I let my mind wonder to how odd it is that we all ran off without jackets. Do they need jackets on the other side? And with that a gust of wind comes...