I loved the way the sun set on the hillside. Every night I ran up to that hill away from home and my life. I felt as if when on that hillside I could do anything, like nothing mattered anymore and nobody was asking what I was thinking. Until the moment when my parents yelled my name into the open air and my mind started turning on that again. The sun would continue to set, the glistening colors in the sky and I'd just leave it be until the next night.
I ran into my house and saw my parents let out a breath. They seemed more on edge lately, but I didn't bother asking why, not a problem I'd like to be involved in. When they sat down for dinner and didn't say a word I got a bit worried. I didn't want to ask what was wrong, I have a problem. My problem is I'm selfish. I care about others and I always want to help but I can't get myself to ask what is wrong or if somebody needs help. So I just sat there picking at my food. My parents ate with me but without discussion. I wondered why? Why aren't they speaking, they are usually so bright and lively. I let it go as I took a sip of water and my mind travelled elsewhere.
In my mind there were purple skies and rainbow water, everybody was happy but everyone was alone. I didn't like others much, I didn't see the point in secrets or telling other people things. Keeping things to yourself is what everybody should do. Once something is out in the world you'll never get it back. Once you tell someone something it's out there for good. That's why I don't tell people what's locked up in my mind. I have a mind of imagination and my mother always asks me what's going on but I don't tell her. Why should I? It's my mind and my thoughts and even if she's my mother she can repeat it to anybody.
Some people might call it trust issues, some people might call it a disease or tell me I need therapy, that I'm locking my mind up which isn't normal. But I don't have a disease, I don't have issues and I especially don't need therapy because I don't like telling people I know things, let alone a random person "trying to help". When I get sick I go to the doctor and check if I have a disease, keeping things to myself isn't a disease, it's my choice. I don't know why people always want to know what I'm thinking. I don't bother others to know what's going on in their mind so why bother me? This is something I don't understand about humans, the need to know things, no matter what it is. I'll observe things, why when someone whispers something into another's ear does the person sitting two seats down have to know what they said? Why when someone starts a sentence and then stops mid way saying "never mind" does the person sitting next to them have to know what they were going to say? It doesn't make sense. People should be able to keep what they are thinking to themselves.
Why must people know everything? This is the question I ask myself constantly and daily, it just doesn't and won't ever make sense to me.
My mind snapped back into the present when I heard my mothers fork hit her plate and the chair legs scratch the wood floor as she stormed off. I looked to my father who sat there quietly thinking to himself and I thought about what I just missed. I didn't bother asking my father, I don't need to unlock his mind, everybody's mind has a lock and many people unlock that lock for anybody that asks but my lock will always stay sealed.
Until the time is needed.
