Go On Without Me

Chapter Five

     Hayley and Caroline decided it would be best to show John and Patrick the journal, just not that page. The two girls collected themselves and took the whole box into the living room.
     "What's that?" John asked. Patrick looked up from the picture album he was looking at. Caroline handed him the box. He read the note. "This is crazy! How did none of us ever find out?"
     "I don't know, but you need to read the journal." Caroline smiled. John, like Hayley, flipped to a random page and read it aloud.

April 25, 1985
How are people like this?! I don't even want to think about what happens when they're alone. They disgust me.

"Who is she talking about?" John asked. They were all shocked, wanting John to keep reading. Patrick's eyes grew wider.

Every time we go somewhere they're on top of each other. It's a miracle she isn't pregnant yet. They essentially do it in public. She's always sitting on him. Honestly, sometimes you can be too obsessed with someone. That's not what love is. Love is wanting to conquer the world for the other, not that hip "Lay Your Hands On Me" by Bon Jovi. Let go!! Granted, Jack and I were really private, but it's better to be private than doing it in every public place! They are so in love, too in love. "Ohhh Hayley, I love you!" and "Patty, you're the greatest thing that's ever happened to me." Guess what sweet-cheeks, not many great things have happened to you. At least you aren't a low-life, corner working, prostitute like the one John just dumped. Hallelujah she's gone!

After John read this, Patrick sat trying to process what his mother had said about not only him, but the love of his life.
"I can't believe her! I knew she never liked me!" Patrick blew a gasket. It was obvious where he got his temper from; his mother, yet no one realized it. The others watched Patrick, hoping he would calm down quickly. "Oh give me that!" He snatched the journal away from John and read more of the journal out loud.

John, if you ever settle down and find a woman, I'll be surprised. It'll be after I'm dead and I'll probably rollover in my grave. Don't marry someone unless you're going to stay faithful, like Patrick. I'd rather you be in love and all over your wife like that, even though it makes me mad, it's better than your philandering. I suppose you aren't reading this John-John,  America's Son is probably sleeping around with some woman that he is WAY too good for. Who am I to judge? If my little John-John wants to marry a low-life, so be it. I don't care anymore. Maybe he'll be single. I can see the news headlines; "America's Son Dies Alone." That would be unfortunate, but better than marrying a hooker.

     "How do you like them apples?" Patrick asked. His frown literally turned upside down. John on the other hand, was offended. Mommy's little boy was perfect and never did anything wrong.
     "It's not my fault I'm like Daddy! At least I knew him," John shot back. Patrick was furious.
     "John Jr.!" Caroline snapped. She had always been the mediator, but more so now than ever. "You better not say that ever again. You always blame it on Patrick, it's not his fault Daddy's gone!"
     "He's the one that came early! He's the one that stressed them out!" John yelled.
     "Last I checked, he was the miracle child that brought them closer." Hayley said softly. John didn't say anything else. Patrick snickered a little as he and Caroline exchanged glances.
"Anyways..." Patrick started reading again.

How could this rant be complete without Caroline? My darling, Caroline, Buttons, as Daddy called you.

"See, I'm the favorite child," Caroline smiled, "I haven't made her mad."
"Not so fast, Buttons," Patrick made sure to put lots of emphasis on Buttons.

I'm going to be frank with you; what do you see in Ed? He's overpaid and gets anything he wants from his daddy. He has a weird nose too. That's not attractive, come on Caroline, I taught you better than that. He's so much older than you also. 12 years! 12 years Caroline! That doesn't even take in looks, he looks like he could be your dad! Why couldn't you find a dreamy, young looking man like your father.

     "Too old for me?!" Caroline was livid. "It's not that much different between Mother and Daddy! Why can't she understand that? I thought she liked Ed!"
     "Whoa, Buttons, calm down," John cut in. Caroline rolled her eyes and Patrick finished.

You could have anything you wanted from me, but no, we run to Ed's dad because he's 'so' much better. What family has fame and fortune? KENNEDY. Don't marry him, Caroline, you could do better. The ring of Kennedy is music to my ears. Hayley was smart to take the new name. Despite all this, I love you all, but know that I disagree with most things that you do.
                              ~Jackie

     "I can't believe it," Caroline said. "She hates us all."
     "She does not!" Patrick snapped. No one expected to hear that, especially from the mouth of Patrick.