2:07pm
"it's time."
a voice shouted at me
do not cry,
do not cry,
do not cry.
your eyes, unclear and glossed over
found mine-
i think you were telling
yourself the same.
i thought i was prepared,
thought i was ready
for our goodbye,
but the supposed reassurance
was no match for
my waterworks.
you grabbed me, pulled me in
tighter than you ever had before-
i could not tell if it was your grasp
or the fact that i would not feel your
arms wrapped around me until november
that cut my air supply short- regardless,
my lungs must have collapsed.
i heard you gasp for your own lost air,
and i realized that i had never seen you
so vulnerable before- i think
my heart shattered into a million pieces
at the sight of such a crushing beauty.
would this be the first and
last i see you cry?
after sitting for hours that felt like minutes
i had to watch you walk to my door,
turn the lock and pull the handle
like you had hundreds of times before now.
the words
"don't go" on my lips,
but it seemed that the saltwater
that stained my face
became cement-i could not
pry my jaw wide enough to speak.
one last hug,
several last kisses,
one last
"i love you"
and you were gone.
i turned around so you would not see me
breaking down again as your car
left my driveway for the last time
for a long time. and again,
the words that i had wanted to say
were enclosed in my throat-
"i miss you."
please,
come home soon.
i'm not me
when you're gone.
