New / ex husband

Please help me. Or don't.

The following day, at work, during my break, instead of eating with my colleagues, I just ordered some take outs and looked for a lawyer on my computer while eating. I wrote down a few phone numbers on a post-it and then looked for what people would call this way of life. So yes, this is called "spousal violence". And no, it is not normal.

On my way home, I called the first of the three phone numbers I had written down, and asked for what I needed to get a divorce. That's when I learned that I needed to create a file, sign it and give it to my husband's lawyer, "if he has one", so my husband signs it too, or asks for some changes. I thanked the lady and hung up. That was two days ago.

Knowing that I couldn't really count on him to sign the divorce papers, I kind of let go. Not really, cause I still wanna do something, but I don't know what, nor how. And I'm definitely scared of what would happen if I talked about it to anyone. So for now, I'm just gonna shut up and keep being the unhappy wife. Till I find a way to get out of this.

At work, as always, I take my break with some of my colleagues but my boss, Mr. Dawson, came to me and asked me to join him in his office. I definitely don't know why, but I followed him. He probably doesn't want to waste time talking to me during working hours. Yeah, I'm supposed to be on break and all but it's not like he makes me work every time during my breaks, so I don't mind. And the discussion was about nothing anyway so I don't mind leaving the colleagues. So I stood in front of his desk, as he sat on his swinging chair.

"Please sit" he invites me to sit with a hand gesture.

I sat and asked "What did you want to talk about?"

"This might seem... weird... but, hum, trust me, I did not look into your stuff, but the intern saw something on your computer that concerned her, and when she showed it to me, it concerned me too"

"What? Oh, you mean, I left the facebook page on? I swear it was during my break"

"No, no, it's not about that. Don't worry, I'm not thinking about firing you, or looking for a reason to. Actually, when you left, you hadn't turn off your screen and she was about to quit the page when she read what you looked for. It seems you're having some... personal trouble?"

"What?"

"I had the page printed, and also your research history. the last things you looked for are lawyers and spousal abuse. So, please be honest, is this about you?"

"What? No! I never looked for this" I lied. Why did I lie? Maybe I should've told the truth. I mean, he clearly wants to help, and my first instinct was to lie about it.

"Then, may I ask who did? Who could have had access to your computer? during your break but also after it"

"I, I, I don't..." Now I'm hesitating. should I admit it? would he be able to help me? would it be safe for me?

"Listen, I know it's not easy to talk about it, and I totally understand that. But you should know that this should not be happening. And that there are people who can help you. And I really believe that you need help, and that you should take it."

"What can you do about it? I can't even get a divorce because we both have to agree on that, and I know for sure he won't sign anything"

Mr. Dawson breaths loudly.

"So I was right... " he whispers. "Look, I can give you some phone numbers of people who can help you, and along with it, I can give you some money in advance if you think you can leave your husband."

"What? I'm not gonna leave just like that! He's gonna get so mad if he learns that I even thought about it"

"But it's not for him to decided. What he's doing is not good. And everybody knows it"

"You don't even know what he's doing"

"Never said I did know, but clearly you think it's not good either. Please think about it. If you need help, you just need to ask for it"

"Right. Thanks. But I'm gonna pass. I think it would only make things worse."

"Trust me, it won't"

"How do you know for sure?"

"I... alright, if you need anything, just come to me. Any time."

I just nodded and left. I wanted to get back to work and forget about it, but I couldn't. Maybe he's right. Maybe he can help me, and maybe I can escape. But Maybe I can't. I should probably put it in Jason's hands. I'm gonna ask him what he thinks about taking risks. And depending on his answer, I'll decide if I should take the risk by taking my boss' help.

"Hey, I've got one question" I said while we were sitting at the table, eating dinner.

Jason just looked at me, waiting for it.

"What do you think about the idea of taking risks? Like, you want to do something, but you don't know what the consequences of that would be, would you take the chance and maybe succeed or would you be too afraid of the consequences to even try to do it?"

"I think life is all about taking risks. I mean, if you don't take them, you don't get anything. right?"

"Right. Thanks"

"Why?"

"oh I'm just thinking of doing something. at work" I say, not really lying.

"What's that?"

"I want to ask for a raise. Because I think that I worked hard enough for the past 5 years and deserve it"

"Oh, okay, good. Then you should totally jump. What would be the risks of that?

"Getting fired, or having more work to do without the raise?"

"That's not that risky. If you want it, then you should take the risk of not having it. It's better than regretting not trying."

"Yes, thank you"

"Sure".

So it's settled. He doesn't suspect a thing, and I think it's for the best.

Tension beggins. Obviously I have all the story written so I'll just try to post a new chapter every week. Enjoy