The God that chose me as his Pawn

Another day, another play...

Waking up in the morning feels weird sometimes. Occasionally my brain fails to differ between memories of my past life and the ones I made in this new reality. When I open my eyes on such days, I feel lost when looking around in this unfamiliar room. My heart aches and I feel loneliness welling up inside me. My friends, my family... They're long gone. I have no one in this strange world. I'm a lost child that does not belong here and that will never change.

"Oh, stop weeping and get out of your fucking bed you crybaby!"

With such thoughts in my mind, his voice is never too far. 

"I'm not weeping or crying, I just... lost sight of reality for a moment there."

Folding back my blanket and slowly getting out of bed, I still touch my forehead with my left hand as if that could make the pain go away.

"You're almost an adult and you're still acting like a baby! If I knew you would be such a sissy, I wouldn't have chosen you..."

"You already told me that. Thanks for your kind words, though."

I put on a sarcastic grin and walk over to the figure leaning against my wardrobe. Being not much taller than me and looking nothing better than an average man in his twenties, this guy holds more power than one can imagine. It's a real shame he's just an arrogant brat who likes to meddle in the affairs of the mortals.

"As sarcastic as ever. Now get dressed and get your food! I have a really nice plan for today!"

With a grin that would make the Cheshire Cat go green with envy, he vanishes and leaves me alone in the room I finally recognized as my own now.

Clad in my schools uniform I wash away the sleepy look on my face and do my morning routine. Putting on some basic makeup, doing my hair and waking up my 'little brother'. It was really hard to acclimate to my new environment and part of the problem was the fact, that I had a whole new family to deal with. I loved my real one dearly and almost went crazy over losing them, so my first few years were really painful for me. Seeing the tender look of my new 'mother's' face when holding my tiny body made me feel like a heartless monster. I wasn't their real daughter. I was just a substitute. Not really theirs. I robbed them of what could have been their 'little girl' and no matter how hard I tried, I could never give them back what they lost because of me.

I tried to see them as my parents. I really tried, even though it pained me to let go of my old loved-ones. I eventually came to the point where I could call them 'mom' and 'dad' without feeling a sharp pain in my chest and now, that I'm in High School, I accepted this situation. It's just like being adopted. My old family isn't there anymore, but these three guys comfort me in their stead now. They prevent me from feeling forsaken and even though they can never replace them, they have their own special place in my heart now.

That said it's still weird to be with them. Like I said, there could have been a little girl that would have been their real daughter but instead of this pure and innocent child, they got me. A girl living her second life. Having not learned one bit from her mistakes. Everyone probably imagined how wonderful life would be if you could just rewind it. Doing everything perfect on the second try you got. But it's not that easy, believe me! I'm not a top class student just because I already went through Middle School and stuff. I'm not in a better bodily shape just because I started to care about that earlier on. And I'm definitely not a better person because I promised myself to try harder at my second life. Every story you read about rebirth is a plain fiction. It's not possible to go from an average person to a superstar just because you kept your memories. I just want you to know that. Changing your way of living is still hard, no matter how many chances you might be given.