Chapter 27: Carry That Weight
January 1970
It's been a few months since John has officially left. That leaves George, Paul and Ritchie to finish Let It Be. Though some of the stress has gone, there's still tension between the three. I know Paul's bothered and hurt by the change in John. They've been friends since we were kids and now..yeah.. But I'm glad the other three are still working together.
Much to my surprise the lads asked me to come in and help them with guitar parts in the studio. I guess they were tired of having to stay late to dub in the other parts and would rather have someone play with them. Though I was a bit hesitant at first, I agreed. This was going to be interesting..
"No no! John would have gotten that!" Paul yelled as he set down his guitar.
I shrugged lightly and messed around playing a few chords. "Well if you've forgotten I'm not John and I'm sorry if I'm a bit rusty with playing guitar. I don't really have time to play while taking care of three kids."
"Well then play it again! Now!"
"Do not yell at me, James!"
"I can do whatever I want, Julianna! Who's the baby here? You are, so you have to listen to me. Anyway, I'm part of the Beatles, you're not!"
"Don't get nasty with her." George said butting in. "We're lucky she came in to help after John left. We'd be screwed if she wasn't here and she keeps the arguments to a minimum between the three of us."
Paul let out a sigh as he sat down, holding his head in his hands. "I'm sorry Pam. Geo's right, we appreciate you being here."
"I know you didn't mean to snap. And I know that things have been stressful for a while now."
George gave a small nod and looked at us. "Now come on, let's get back to recording."
We took another few hours and ran through and recorded George's song I Me Mine and went over a few other songs.
"I think that's good enough for today." George said as he started to put his guitar away.
Ritchie agreed and stood up. "I agree. Let's call it a day."
We all began to pack up, Ritchie and I were making our way out when Paul stopped us.
"Hey Pam, could you stay back? I need to talk to you."
I turned to Ritchie and kissed him lightly. "You head back, I'll have Paul drop me off when we're done."
"Alright love, see you at home. Bye mate."
With that he left, I sat down and turned to my brother.
"What's up Paulie? Something bothering you?"
"Bothering me? This whole thing with the band is bothering me, but that's not what I wanted to talk about. I'm working on a solo album and I wanted to get your opinion on some of the songs."
"I'd love to hear them. I'm proud of you for working on solo work."
He just gave a nod and looked away. I took his hand as he turned to me.
"Paul, tell me what's wrong.."
"You won't understand.."
"But I can listen..we're twins, other than Kate I think I can understand you pretty well."
"I can't do this.. this album is bloody hard to do. I can't write without John." He said, holding his head in his hands.
"Yes you can. You've wrote so many amazing songs."
"But I wrote them with the help of John. I'm nothing without him!" He said, throwing his arms in the air as he stood up.
"Don't say that! You're Paul McCartney, for gosh sakes! You wrote music before you were in the Beatles. You would sit in the backyard under the big tree and write all the time."
"Those songs were shit.. And don't tell me other wise! I am NOTHING without John!"
I saw him get ready to punch the wall. Quickly I went over and stepped in front of him.
"Hey..just breathe.."
I sat him back down and took a seat next to him.
"Listen..I know things are rough. You and John have been writing together for so long and it's different being on your own, but I know you can. You still have Ritchie and George to go to and if you've forgotten, your little sister is also a musician. I'd be more than happy to help you write. We've collaborated before on a few song."
He just gave a small nod and stood up.
"Okay Pammy, you're right. I'll think about it more. But for now why don't we go out for a drink?"
"Paul, it's the middle of the day."
"Come on sis, let's just go have a few to relax after a long morning." He took my hand and pulled me out to the car.
The two of us went to a little pub down the street for a few hours. I didn't drink, Paul did. He had a decent amount, but not too much. As the alcohol started taking effect on him he just started to ramble on about the lads, music, Katie and Mary and about us. He even started to cry a bit at one point. Seeing my brother like this broke my heart..
After so long I decided it was enough, dragged Paul out to the car and drove us home. Once we arrived he went inside and I followed.
"Kate love, I'm home! Pammy's here too!" He yelled as he walked over and kissed Kate lightly before turning to me. "I'll be back. I think the lyrics are upstairs." He said as he rushed upstairs.
Kate walked over and looked at me. "Do I smell alcohol on his breath?"
"We went out for a drink. His idea, not mine. He was a little drunk, and I felt better bringing him home. I'm sorry, I know it's the middle of the day."
"No no it's alright, I just wondered. You can keep the car so you have a way to get home. We'll pick it up tomorrow. And at least he went and did this on a day where the baby's with my parents. Was it another rough day?"
I just gave a shrug. "It wasn't too bad, but it wasn't perfect."
"He asked me to stay late to talk about his solo album. Then he started yelling about how he can't write without John and how he's useless. I've seen him go through a lot, but that really broke my heart.."
She just gave a sigh and shook her head. "He went off about the same thing not too long ago.. I told him he doesn't need John, but he's in such a funk."
"It'll probably take some time, but he'll be back to normal Paul soon."
Before she could say anything else Paul came rushing downstairs over to us.
"Pammy! Here it is!" He said handing me a notebook. "Look at them and tell me what you think."
"I will. Well I should get going. Bye big brother, bye Kate."
"Bye Pam, see you soon." Kate said with a smile.
With that I left and made my way home. I couldn't stop thinking about how much Paul has changed with what's all happened. All I can really wonder is when he'd be back to normal.
