Chapter 11: In Spite of All the Danger
8 July 1967
It's been a little over two weeks since Ritchie and I had split temporarily. Let me tell you they've been the hardest weeks of my life. My brother's helped as much as he could with the kids, but I know it's difficult for him; he's used to being here on his own with Martha, but now he has the four of us with him. I've told him that we could go to a hotel or something, but he says he doesn't want us to leave. Ritchie hasn't really called at all or came to see Zak, but he did call yesterday and ask to have Zak for the weekend because of his birthday. I didn't talk to him though, Paul did. He didn't want to talk to me.. Other than that I've just stayed at the house taking care of the kids. Zak always asks 'Where Daddy?' and I hate telling him that he's busy. My heart breaks more each time he asks. He's too young to be taken away from Ritchie like this and the twins are getting more used to Paul than they were with Ritchie. I just wish he'd ask us to come back..we need him..
I was in the bedroom changing the twins. James was being super fussy while I was changing Cadence, crying at the top of his lungs which caused Cadence to start crying.
"Shh baby girl it's okay, we're almost done."
The two of them continued to cry. As I finished I picked them both up and rocked them in my arms. "Shh you're okay, Mummy's got you."
I walked downstairs to see Paul sitting on the floor with Zak and all his toys. "They fussy again?"
"They never stop.."
Paul got up and took Cadence from me, he rocked her lightly and sang to her. Soon she began to calm down and he set her down on the blanket on the floor.
"Thank you so much..I'm so sorry."
He took James from me and say him down by Cadence. "Pammy, you don't have to keep apologising. I'm glad I can help you, even though Ringo should have came to his senses and have you all come back."
I just let out a sigh and looked away. "I know..I miss him so much."
"Are you sure you're okay with him taking Zak for the weekend? I don't think he deserves it."
"Zak needs his dad, you know how he always asks where he is. I can't keep them away from each other forever. I-I'm just nervous to see him.."
He just sighed and looked at Zak then back at me. "I know..I know.. I just can't stand what he's doing to you all, especially you. Pam, you've lost so much weight since you two split. I know that you don't eat much anymore, I can tell."
"Paul, I'm fine." I then walked over and sat down by the kids who were playing with their toys. Zak turned to me and held up one his toys.
"Do you want me to have it?"
He nodded as I took it from him. "Thank you buddy."
He smiled and turned back to his toys. Paul walked over and sat next to me. "Pamela, I'm being serious. You've gotten a lot smaller. If you loose any more weight I'll be able to see right through you."
"Paul, I think you're over exaggerating there."
He rolled his eyes then turned to me. "I'm looking through you, where did you go?"
"Paul, seriously.."
"I thought I knew you, what did I know?"
I rolled my eyes and looked at the kids.
"You do look different, and you have changed. I'm looking through you, you're not the same."
I turned to him. "The use of song lyrics, really? And you changed the words too?" I sighed. "Alright, maybe I lost a bit of weight, but I feel fine."
