Saving Jeff

Chapter 1 : Nerves

Chapter 1

Months Later...

Beginning of June...

Jeff POV

"I have waited ages! Come on! I've been doing so good! I haven't had a nightmare or a panic attack in weeks! You still kiss me, and we cuddle every night. Can't we make it official that we're boyfriend and girlfriend again?" I asked.

"Jeff, I'm just worried about how you'll act when it's closer to finals."

"It's already close enough to finals!"

"Yeah, and I can already tell you're getting a little bit anxious."

"That's only because I failed 2 of my finals last year, and dad stuck me in a class over the summer to help me pass the 2 finals when I got the chance to take them again."

"Well you've been doing great this year, so I don't think you'll fail. But you're getting anxious again. I can already tell."

"Alex, please! I'll be anxious for the rest of my life. Please be my girlfriend. I'm so much better now."

"Alright, fine."

"Yay!"

I pulled her to me, and kissed her.

"So how many finals do we have?" I asked, after pulling away.

"We have one for english, math, science, and history."

"That's a lot..."

"I know. But you'll do fine. I know you will."

"I'm not so sure-"

"Guys, we have Warbler practice in 10 minutes," Sebastian said, walking into our room.

"You should go tell Nick to hurry up in the shower or he'll be late," Alex said.

Sebastian banged on the door, and told Nick to hurry up.

"Come on. Let's go early," Alex said, pulling me up from the bed.

Later...

Jeff POV

"No. I need a nap. I'm so tired," I whined.

"Jeffy."

"Please? Just a little while?"

"Fine."

"Yes!"

I jumped into bed, curled up, and fell asleep pretty quickly.

"You failed! Every single test!" My dad shouted at me.

"I-I'm sorry! I t-tried my b-best!" I stuttered.

He shoved my shoulder, and I fell on the floor. I curled in on myself, and tried to scoot backwards, as far away as I could get, but I hit a wall. Dad came closer, and slapped my cheek hard. I knew better than to scream. Screaming only gets you more hits.

"You worthless brat! Get upstairs! Why don't you go add more cuts to your ugly body!"

I scrambled up the stairs, and locked myself in the bathroom, panting.

I pulled up my sleeves. I haven't done this in a while. My arms have scars, but there are no fresh cuts.

Suddenly, there was banging on the door. I opened it, and dad yanked me out. I fell on the floor, and curled in on myself again.

"You're so ugly and stupid! I can't believe you're my son! Nobody would ever love you!"

"A-Alex loves m-me!"

He shoved me hard, and I tumbled all the way down the stairs, landing on my head.

"You're so fat and useless. Why don't you just go kill yourself!?"

I got up, and ran. But dad was quicker than me. He threw me into the closet. 

"You're so mean!" I screamed, tears going down my face.

I instantly regretted that because I knew I'd be in trouble. I tried holding the door shut. My dad kept banging on the door.

"Sebastian, just come in. The door is open."

I heard the door open, and I screamed, jumping out of bed, and landing with a loud thud on the floor. I sat up, looking around wildly.

"Jeffy, what happened?"

I felt a hand on my shoulder, and I flinched. I turned around and saw Alex, who looked confused.

I sighed in relief.

"Jeff?"

"N-nothing. Just a b-bad dream," I said, quietly.

I slowly got to my feet, and sat down on the bed again. My heart was still going a million miles a minute.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah. F-fine."

"Jeff, you're stuttering."

I hadn't stuttered in months.

I laid down on my pillow, and shut my eyes. But all I could see was images of my dad, and it gave me a really unpleasant feeling in my belly.

Nick and Sebastian left the room. I knew they did it on purpose so Alex could talk to me.

"Jeffy, please tell me about your nightmare."

She started rubbing my back.

"It was nothing. I'm fine."

"Jeff, come here."

I sat up, and basically crawled into her lap. She wrapped her arms around me. I laid my head on her shoulder.

"It was about my dad... He hurt me because I failed all my finals."

"Well you don't have to worry about that. My uncle won't hurt you if you fail. I promise."

"I know... I just have this bad feeling in my belly now..."

"Well... Just try not to worry about it. Everything will be ok."

Later...

Jeff POV

I stepped out of the shower, and stood in front of the mirror looking at myself. I had some more meat on my bones now, compared to when I first came to Dalton. I was still struggling a bit with my body image, but I'd gotten past my eating disorder.

I looked at my arms too. No fresh marks since a few months ago. Alex was so proud of me. We go down to the pool every few weeks because I can swim now, and Alex wants me to get exercise. And she always compliments me on how I'm doing well with not cutting, and how I'm getting even better at swimming.

I sighed, and pulled on my pjs. Now that it was almost summer, I was only wearing a T-shirt and some shorts. I liked sleeping with a shirt, but Alex usually convinced me to take it off. She'd sleep with her head on my chest. And I loved it.

I was about to go into the dorm room, when I caught a few words of a conversation Nick and Alex were having.

"Alex, we have to tell him soon. It's almost the end of school."

"I know... But... He had that nightmare today, and he's becoming anxious again. This is going to make things a million times worse."

"Alex, he needs time to mentally prepare for the worst. If all of a sudden one day, his whole world changes, he's going to lose it completely."

I opened the door, sort of confused.

"Hey, Jeffy," Alex said.

"What were you guys just talking about?"

"Nothing. Come here. It's time for bed."

I sighed, and got into bed beside her. Like every night, she pulled at the bottom of my shirt, and I adjusted my position so she could pull it over my head.

Sebastian shut the lights off, and Alex laid on my chest. I put my arm around her, and fell asleep thinking about the conversation I'd heard. I should've stayed in the bathroom longer so I could catch some more of it. I'm so stupid sometimes...