Larry Stylinson ao3 one shots.

so why don't we go, somewhere only we know

Written by:louella_deville

Summary:"Wait you're trans?" Harry interjects out of nowhere to which Louis' eyes harden and his body prepares itself to pounce.
"So what if I am? God, people are such pricks. Bye--" he starts angrily, turning around to storm away. He's caught by the arm and he steadies himself in order to fight.
"Wait!" Harry says, "That's cool with me. Like I was just surprised 'cause you really look like a guy s'all."
Or the one where Louis' transgender and Harry's his boyfriend.

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Work Text:
Harry's stumbling through the club, vision blurred, speech slurred and just simply drunk.
He's not sure when he got this wasted. He does know, however, that he came here in an attempt to drink away the bitter taste of his ex from his mouth. It was a shitty break up, ending with screaming and the breaking of a few glasses.
His boyfriend sucked anyway, but that didn't make the sting of rejection that Harry always felt after break ups. He was always a more sensitive person, taking the fall of his relationships to heart, no matter how shitty his partner.
So he decided to get wasted in a club. He's spent too many times curling up on the couch with a tub of ice cream. It was time for a change.
He walks through the crowd of people, stepping on toes and getting shoved around until he's reached the bathroom, where he desperately needs to wee.
He pushes the door open, practically falling into the room. He shuffles to the urinal, pulling his zipper before he reaches. He, however, stops when he hears a squeak from beside him. Swinging his head up, he observes quite possibly the most beautiful man he's ever encountered.
He's short for a guy, with a slender figure and slightly curvy shape. He has short brown hair, styled into a quiff that suits his face perfectly. His face, though, is probably the most angelic of them all. His eyes were a beautiful cerulean, sparkling in comparison to his tanned skin. His lips are thin but a beautiful pink and his cheekbones are sharp like a super model's.
Harry thinks he's the most handsome person in existence.
The boy squeaks again and takes a step back as if trying to cower behind the air. Harry furrows his brows in confusion before shrugging and turning back around. He really needs to piss.
He does notice that the boy is just standing there as if waiting for him to leave, which leaves him thinking that maybe he doesn't know how to use a urinal. It's confusing because what guy's too shy to take a piss beside another guy. Especially in a gay bar.
He does his business, zipping up his pants and moving to the sinks. He notices that the boy doesn't even make any move to use the urinal.
He's drunk and curious so he asks, "Is something wrong with it?"
The boy's head snaps up and a blush tints his cheeks almost immediately before he's looking down again, "No, nothing..."
Harry raises his brow before turning off the pipe, "I don't mean to pry. It's just-- Are you ashamed to piss with another guy in the room?"
Louis eyes widen and then surprisingly harden, "I think I can piss when I feel like it actually."
His tone is harsh and the tension in the room thickens with each word. Harry's a bit shocked seen as the other boy was much more timid when the conversation began but he chalks it up to the fact that he was a bit too forward.
"Sorry," Harry mumbles as he dries his hands, "Didn't mean to be rude. I- Can I buy you drink?"
His eyes widen in shock before they look to the floor again, "I don't know-"
"Please? I feel like a dick, it's the least I can do." He tries. The boy's smiling at him and he feels like a success.
He walks over to him reaching out his hand, "I'm Louis," and they're off.

They're on the dance floor now, Louis' back pressed to Harry's front as they dance, giggling and chuckling into the other's ear. It's gonna bit more heated, though, Louis grinding his arse into Harry's now apparent erection.
They're both getting flustered and Harry's leaning into Louis' ear to whisper, "Can we take this to my place?"
He feels Louis stiffen, however.
Even in his drunk state he senses something's wrong so he pulls Louis to an empty corner where they can talk without their eardrums being blasted by the speakers.
Louis looks like he wants to escape but Harry feels a bit too adamant tonight. Plus, he thinks that he genuinely cares for the boy and it's only been about an hour.
"You alright, Lou."
Louis nods, plastering a fake smile to his face, "Yeah, yeah. Let's just dance, yeah?"
Harry's eyes narrow at the obvious lie, "Don't lie, please. Did I make you uncomfortable? I really didn't mean to. We were just getting hot out there and I wanted to take it somewhere private and—"
"It's not that, Harry," Louis says biting his lip, "It's just, I don't think you'd wanna take me home."
Harry chokes out laughter, "What? Lou, come on. I think all the guys wanna take you home, not to mention me--"
"I'm a guy but--"
"I love blokes!" Harry interrupts leaving an annoyed look on the other boy's face.
"I don't have a dick, okay? God, I feel so stupid. Yapping off to a stranger--"
"Wait you're trans?" Harry interjects out of nowhere to which Louis' eyes harden and his body prepares itself to pounce.
"So what if I am? God, people are such pricks. Bye--" he starts angrily, turning around to storm away. He's caught by the arm and he steadies himself in order to fight.
"Wait!" Harry says, "That's cool with me. Like I was just surprised 'cause you really look like a guy s'all."
Louis' face softens and his body relaxes. He almost feels to cry at this point and it's just so not him. He's not going to cry over a stranger. Not him.
"Well, that's because I am a guy," he says, he needs to remain some form of confidence.
He sighs after a while, "You're messing with me, right?" he asks trying to blink away the strange feelings of comfort. Harry's a stranger. Strangers are supposed to be ignorant.
Harry furrows his brows, shaking his head before he's stroking up Louis' arm with a goofy grin on his face, "Never."
*
Louis finds out that Harry's perfect for him, in every way possible.
*
They're like best friends, joking around, always having each other's backs but yet they're boyfriends, snogging after late night movies and taking long strolls in the park, hand in hand.
Louis feels like he can tell Harry anything and he does.
He tells him about his struggle with being male, he tells him about how hard school became when he came out. He tells him how many times he's been rejected because of the way he is. The best part is that Harry listens.
His parents have been supportive but they've never really understood. He can't really talk to them about it and all his friends always had something offensive to say so he'd normally keep it to himself, but he has Harry, whom he can tell anything without fear of being slurred at.
It's not a one-way street, however, Harry tells Louis everything too.
He tells him about his father leaving when he was younger, leaving him with just his mother and his sister. He tells him about always getting the cold shoulder for being gay in middle school. He tells him about his bad luck with guys, about all the times he's been fucked over and left alone to wallow in his misery
They tell each other everything to the point where they're not sure who's who.
They cry together whenever one of them is feeling bad, whether it's Louis because he can't stand what's between his legs or Harry because he just can't help feeling insecure.
After eight months, they move in with each other into a nice little flat where they spend most of their time together.
As adults though, they, of course, go to work, Louis to his job at the bank and Harry to his internship at an editing company while he completes his final year at university for his literature degree.
Their lives aren't even perfect, as far from it as a couple consisting of a gay man and a transgender man living in this world could be, but it feels so surreal to them how much they love each other, how happy they are with each other.
They're so happy that they don't mind the imperfections.
Harry doesn't mind when Louis leaves the sink full of dishes, Louis doesn't mind when Harry goes out with his dumb hipster friends. They both don't mind when the other is having inner turmoil.
All they care about is being happy with each other, and they do it so well already.
*
They've been dating for almost two years now, the two of them as happy as could be. Louis had thought that dating Harry would have been disastrous, seen as not everybody understood him, but Harry was always so loving, so caring and considerate of his feelings.
He feels as if he can be himself around Harry. Around others, he has to tiptoe around them, making sure he doesn't act in any way feminine in fear that they'll know and hate him. Around Harry, he doesn't care. They make stupid jokes, go on dates, text, snog, cry, live, eat, and everything else possible that they can do together.
The best part is that Harry loves him for him. He doesn't see him as a charity case, or someone to be pitied. He's just in love with Louis Tomlinson.
Louis just loves him so much.
He's brought out of his thoughts by a pair of strong arms wrapping around him and soft lips pressing against his ear. They're on the couch, Louis having been lounging there and Harry now joining.
"Hey there," Harry whispers in his ear and Louis feels so in love.
"Hi," he replies, rolling his eyes before he's pushing back into his embrace, allowing the taller boy to run his lips up and down his neck, nipping at his collarbone through his low neck shirt.
"Wanna go shopping?" Louis asks out of nowhere, pulling out of the embrace to stretch his back.
Harry groans, flopping onto his back on the couch, "What for? I wanna snuggle." As if to prove his point, he pouts, big pink lips that melt Louis' heart, but he's not backing down. He needs this.
"Harry, just-- please." he tries to which Harry whines childishly.
"But Louuuuu," he starts, "What do you need anyway? We went shopping a few days ago. Did you eat off the crisps already? Because I swear to god if you did--"
"I need tampons!" he shouts a bit too crudely but his confidence fails him and he's looking to the ground soon. Talking about his anatomy makes him so uncomfortable, he absolutely hates it even.
Harry's eyes widen and he's off the couch, sauntering over to him with a soft smile. He pulls him into a hug, resting his chin on the boy's fluffy hair, "Should have just said so, Lou. Let's go now, then we can get back to our fun." he even adds a ridiculous eyebrow wiggle and Louis can only roll his eyes as he picks up their keys.

They're driving when Harry finally asks.
"Hey, Lou?"
"Mmm?" Louis responds simply, mind focused on the road.
Harry coughs a bit, indicating to Louis that the conversation is serious, "I know this is a sore spot for you, but we're, uh, together so I thought it'd be okay to ask."
Louis sighs deeply but not in frustration. He understands Harry's curiosity and quite frankly appreciates his concern, but he just hates to be reminded of his anatomy.
"You know you can ask anything, Haz," he settles for thinking he already knows the answer."
"Well," Harry starts, "I thought you said you dealt with your periods. Like, I know you can't stop them without removing the, uh, uterus, but I'm just curious as to what happened."
Louis actually smiles, "Birth control stops it for most of the year but there's those few months where it can't be helped."
Harry hums in acknowledgment as they pull into the grocery shop of their local Tescos. Louis however lets out a quiet but suspicious groan to which Harry goes into his protective mode.
"Lou? What's wrong?" Harry asks, panic evident in his tone. Louis parks and shuts off the engine, resting his head on the wheel, "Cramps," he chokes out before plastering a smile to his face and unlocking the doors.
Harry, however, catches him by the arm, holding him in place before he can exit the car, "Let me go for you," Harry smiles, "You can just relax. It's okay."
Louis shakes his head and pulls his arm away but makes no movement to exit the vehicle, "It's okay, Harry. I'll be fine."
Harry shakes his head, leaning over to turn the engine on, allowing the air conditioning to stat up. He smiles before opening his door, "It's okay."
With that he's gone and Louis only rolls his eyes before locking the doors. He sits back in his chair, trying to ignore the pain in his lower stomach. It's not that bad, but it's like a constant reminder of what's between his legs, what organs lie within him.
Louis remembers when he was younger, he never felt comfortable with the gender assigned to him. His parents would call him Lianne but he always felt like the name was wrong, that somehow it was all a big joke and that he really was a boy.
He hated wearing the skirts and dresses and whenever someone referred to him as 'she', he couldn't help but feel offended. When he was nine, he threw out all his dresses, skirts or any other feminine article of clothing and he felt so much more comfortable in pants and a T-shirt. He remembers cutting his hair when he was twelve and all his friends crying that they'd miss its long beauty. He never felt more comfortable, though.
He remembers being thirteen when he first got his period and it was like all his fears had come true. He had always hoped that somehow his penis would grow out and that everyone had been wrong when they said he was born a girl. He remembers feeling that his worst fear had come true, that he'd never be a biological boy.
Louis remembers, though, when he was fourteen and group of his peers mistook him for a boy. It's what Louis remembers as his awakening, when he realized that even though he was born into the wrong body, he's still a boy and nothing would ever change that.
He remembers telling his parents when he was fifteen. He remembers the disappointed looks on their faces, as if the horrible scenario that they had seen coming had finally happened.
Louis also remembers them loving him anyway.
He remembers dabbling with guys who'd reject him because of his anatomy. He remembers the slurs and teasings when he came out in school, but he also felt so strong. Everyone at school knew he was a boy, and they could never change that.
He remembers when he started to bind hos chest in order to hide his breasts. He was lucky, that he barely had any in the first place, but he felt more comfortable when his chest was flat.
He remembers deciding not to take hormone boosts or trying to be any different than he was. He's a man, plain and simple, he didn't need to have a surgery or take hormones. He was fine with it.
Louis remembers meeting the love of his life in a club and after confessing his anatomy to the complete stranger and for the first time he wasn't rejected.
He remembers going home with him and the two of them falling asleep on the couch after too much giggling and jokes.
He remembers months of falling in love with him.
He remembers giving himself to him, to anyone, for the first time.
Louis sighs as he feels another cramp, bringing him out of his daydream. He remembers, suddenly, that Harry probably has no idea what kind of tampons to get.
He groans as he gets out of the car, walking to the entrance of the store. As he's entering, he bumps into a figure, and quickly gets out an apology, "Oh, I'm sorry. I should have--"
"Watch where you're going, dumbass." The man starts and Louis sees red.
"Um, excuse you," he starts, "it takes two to bump into each other and as far as I know, I bumped into you."
The guy has the audacity to scoff, "Don't get feisty with me. I felt the tits. You're one of 'em bitches who try to be men--"
"I am a man," Louis says fiercely, fists clenched at his sides.
The man only laughs, "Well, I guess this will hurt real bad, won't it?" he raises his foot and kicks hard into Louis' groin, but to Louis' dismay, there's nothing there.
There's nothing there and there never will be.
Louis falls to the floor, not in physical pain but in emotional.
"What the fuck are you doing to my boyfriend!?" He hears Harry's voice roar but he doesn't think he has enough pride to get up.
"Wait let's just talk," he hears from the man but it sounds like Harry's not hearing any of it.
He hears scuffling and a few shouts and by the time he looks up, Harry has the man on his back with Harry's boot firmly on his chest, "When transphobic twats like you get an understanding of anything, then we can fucking talk. Get. Out. Of. Here."
As Harry removes his foot, the man is gone, sprinting into the parking lot. He then moves over to Louis, crouching down to where's curled up in ball, "Louis, babe, come on. Let's go home."
He feels Harry move to pick him up and, no, that's not okay.
He pushes him off and stands up shakily, wiping a few stray tears from his eyes. Harry moves towards him again, "babe, come on. Let me hold you."
Louis shakes his head and laughs, "I'm okay, now. Let's just go home, okay?"
Harry only frowns, pulling Louis in for a hug, "No you're not, Lou. Just talk to me."
Louis leans into the hug, giving up all resolve, "I'm sorry. I just-- I'm not some princess you need to save."
Harry only holds him closer, "I'll always protect you, Lou. Whether you're a princess or a peasant. I love you, babe."
Louis can only let himself be immersed into the embrace. Unfortunately, Harry pulls away but keeps a firm grasp on his hand, "Let's go home before Tescos gets suspicious of these two strange dudes crying in front of their store."
Louis smiles as he's led to the car. Harry decides to drive but not before handing Louis a bag with the perfect brand.
Louis gasps in shock before turning to his boyfriend, "How'd you know which brand to get?"
Harry chuckles before rolling his eyes, "I did grow up with two women, you know."
Louis punches him in the shoulder and they're off.

As they walk into their flat, Harry corners him against the wall once the door is locked, "We gotta talk about today, babe."
Louis groans, "Do we have to?"
Harry looks at him sternly, "You know we have to. You had bit of a shock there, yes?"
Louis never really gets like that. He never backs down from twats who behave as if they know shit, but this time was so different. That man had reminded him of his anatomy, he'd flipped a switch for Louis. It hurt.
"It was just a one time thing. You saw what he did. He, ugh, it was a moment of weakness. It's not as big a deal as you think."
Harry hums thoughtfully, "Sure?"
"Yeah, babe," and he really is.
Harry scans his face, eyes narrowed for any hint of a lie before he's shrugging and moving his lips to Louis' neck, kissing softly. Louis responds in kind, arms wrapping around his waist as he lets out little moans when Harry begins to nibble on his weak spot.
He's lifted, legs wrapping around Harry's waist as he's carried to their bedroom. He's dropped on the bed unceremoniously causing him to grumble unhappily. Harry only laughs as he pulls his shirt over his head. He crawls on the bed, hovering over his boyfriend, dimpled grin on his face.
Louis smiles back at him, pulling Harry down by the neck to meet their lips in a kiss. Louis hums into the kiss, "Love you so much, Harry."
Harry pulls away, smiling impossibly wider than before, "Love you too, babe."
They go back to kissing, lips moving languidly as they slowly get their clothes off, rolling into different positions. It's strangely not even sexual, just them, making out in bed as they move around to remove their pesky clothes. Harry's barely hard, even.
It does star to get heated when their clothes are off and Harry is rutting into Louis' thighs, trying to find any friction possible.
Harry pulls away from their cuddle to grab lube from their drawer and then returning to his lover. He slicks up his fingers and move them to Louis' hole, careful to avoid touching the part that he knows Louis wishes didn't exist.
He teases for awhile, fingers circling the panting boy's rim before an idea strikes him. He removes his fingers causing Louis to whine and complain but he's on his knees on the floor, dragging Louis' hips to the edge and pressing his tongue against his hole.
He licks slowly, listening for his boyfriend's moans so he knows just how much to push. His tongue slips in and he wiggles it a bit just to tease him. He's pulling out in no time leaving the boy above him, panting and desperate, "God, Haz, please."
Harry can only smirk as he moves his mouth to nip at the boy's thighs and bum, teasing him over and over again. He soon returns to his rim where the tip of his tongue roams around, licking everywhere but where he needs it.
Finally, Harry pushes in again, but with much ore force and intent. His hands are splays across Louis' ass, spreading his cheeks for easy across to his hole as he slowly fucks him with languid and tantalizing strokes that brings Louis to the edge until after what Louis feels like has been eternity, he comes.
It's like an enigma when he does. He feels it convulse in his body as he shouts out and his whole being shakes with pleasure and his mind goes back a little bit. He is brought back, though, when he feels his boyfriend's lips on his.
Before Harry can get back to his work, he's tackled onto the bed as his boyfriend hovers over him.
"My turn," Louis smirks before he's sucking on Harry's nipple, and hand taking his dick into hand. He strokes it slowly, causing Harry to groan with every twist of his wrist, until he's kissed down his chest and is now on eye level with his cock.
He grasps it in both hands, before placing a wet kiss to the tip, using his tongue to lick at the head. He doesn't waste time, though, as he's taking his cock into his mouth and sucking earnestly, going all the way down and coming back up again.
"Oh, Lou," Harry moans as he feels like he's about to come, "Wanna come inside you so bad."
Louis brightens up at the idea, pulling off his cock and moving back up to kiss his boyfriend on the lips.
Louis pulls Harry's fingers into his mouth, sucking wetly, lubing them up with his spit.
"Fuck, Lou. So hot today," Harry whispers as he moves his now wet hand to Louis' hole, still quivering from his earlier orgasm. Harry slides two in easily, moving them in and out carefully as he feels around Louis' velvety walls. He adds another, thrusting them fast, leaving the boy above him a mess as he feels himself get close again.
Soon, Harry slips his fingers out and reaches out of the lube but Louis grabs it from him, moving down to slick up Harry's cock. His hands rub up and down his shaft, spreading the lube around and Harry moans as he watches him at work. This isn't going to last very long.
Louis removes his hands and moves back up to his lover and smiles before he's lining himself up with Harry's cock and pushing down slowly.
They both moan at the sensation as different as it is for them both. Harry places his hands on Louis' hips, holding him steady as Louis gets used to the stretch.
Soon enough, Louis is lifting himself up and slamming back down on Harry's hips, "Oh, fuck."
They're both already close as Louis bounces on his lap and harry feels so turned on, he can't help but to thrust his hips up to meet Louis' every movement.
The bed creaks but it's nothing in comparison to the sounds coming from them both.
Harry comes first with shout and he fills Louis up, holding him down on his lap and the sensation is enough to bring Louis to orgasm as well.
They're both panting and spent after, Louis flopping down onto Harry's chest, not much caring for the come which will soon start leaking out of him.
"Hey, Lou?" Harry interrupts their moment of silence and Louis only hums in acknowledgment, "Are you sure you're fine from today?"
Louis lifts his head to look in his eyes, "Yeah, yeah. I'm really fine." he leans down to press his lips to his before pulls away to speak again, "You're the best boyfriend a guy could have, you know?"
Harry blushes at the sentiment but shakes his head, "I'm pretty shit at relationships, actually."
Louis frowns at him, narrowing his eyes as he stares at him, "Harry, you had some shit relationships, none of which were your fault. You know that."
Harry closes his eyes as he sighs, "Yeah, yeah. I know, just-- I really love you."
Louis blushes in return, burying his head into Harry's neck with a whine, "You're making me blush, Haz..."
Harry only chuckles before responding, "Don't hide your face. It's too beautiful not to be shown all the time."
"God, you're so cheesy," Louis groans as he pulls out of Harry's arms and rolls beside him on his back, "You really need to work on your jokes."
Harry only pouts, "Hey! My jokes are great!"
Louis snorts before breaking out into laughter and getting out of bed to trod to the bathroom, "Wanna join me for a shower?"
Harry nods vigorously as he follows Louis but not before a thought strikes his mind, "Hey, Lou?"
"Mhmm?" Louis replies as he starts running a bath.
"Knock, knock!"
Louis' in love with an idiot.
It's the best thing that's ever happened to him.
*
Until it's the worst.
They'd just come back from clubbing with some friends, giggling and pissed as they fall onto their bed, tangled up into each other's arms.
Harry's teasing him, mouth attached to his neck and fingers deep in his hole and they're more than a bit tipsy from clubbing before, but it has adrenaline pumping in their veins and they're so horny now, they're not sure they could stop even if they wanted to.
"'M ready, Harry. Please just-- fuck, please," Louis' mumbling while Harry's head is buried into his neck, licking and biting as he pleases as he breathes heavily onto his skin.
Harry's grinding into him and he knows that it won't last that much longer, but he's retracting his lube slicked fingers and taking his dick into his hand blindly, groaning at the new sensation. He lines it up with Louis' hole and he thinks that he overcompensated with the lube but he's so drunk he doesn't seem to care that much.
He's pushing in quickly and he's ready to pound into him as he pleases until he hears a scream. Instinctively, his head raises up to check on Louis when he sees the boy looking absolutely miserable.
He's about to ask what's wrong when he's being pushed at, Louis mumbling frantically, "Get out, get out, get out, get out," causing Harry to finally look down as he rushes to pull out and then sees the problem.
He sees it with his own eyes as his cock slips out from the worst place it could have ever been.
"I'm so sorry" he chokes out as he tumbles off the bed, too confused to even be angry. He gets no response, however, and he knows Louis isn't the type to sit back and cry when he's hurt.
He hops back onto the bed, seeing his lover curled into a ball, sobbing quietly and guilt immediately rushes over him to scoop him into his arms. Louis tries to fight him off, though, pushing at his arms to keep him away.
"Louis, baby, I'm so sorry," Harry says once he's given up, keeping his distance from the end of their bed. He feels himself beginning to cry and he knows he's fucked it up.
Louis can only cry, however, leaving Harry in pure guilt and astonishment.
"Baby, it was an accident. I swear to god I didn't know. I'd never do that on purpose, you know I wouldn't. Just-- please talk to me, please."
Louis wipes at his eyes and sits up, head cast down as they both sit in silence.
After a few minutes, Louis speaks, voice wrecked and lined with despair, "I know it was an accident."
Harry can barely hear him but it's so quiet in their room but Harry knows he can't miss it. He wants nothing more than to hold Louis close but he knows he can't right now.
"I'm sorry, Louis. I'd never-- fuck, I must have slipped. I'm so sorry. Please let me hold you?" Harry rambles but he's grateful when he sees a small nod from the crying boy in front of him.
He moves over quickly but carefully, slowly wrapping his arms around him, checking for indication to stop. When he sees none, he pulls Louis closer into his chest where the boy lets out a huge burst of tears, sobbing loudly into his chest and mumbling incoherent phrases.
Harry, himself, can't help but to cry.
Everything has been going so well between them and for the first time Harry thought he wouldn't fuck it up, but he did. He fucked up royally, all because he was too drunk to control his motor skills and ended up putting it into the wrong hole and ultimately destroying his lover's life.
He knows he can never comprehend what Louis' feeling, but he does know that he must feel violated. By his own boyfriend.
It kills Harry, because he's hurt Louis, the man he's supposed to love and hold, and protect from all people who refuse to see him for who he is. The irony is that he's probably done the worst possible thing for Louis.
He's fucked up so badly.

Harry wakes up in the morning, head in pain and body lazy. He groggily opens his eyes to see Louis' face, eyes wide open but red with tear streaks on his face. Then Harry remembers.
He's opening his mouth to let out another stream of apologies but Louis beats him to it.
"Don't apologize," His voice sounds scratchy and wrecked from all the crying the night before and his face is screaming misery, but being Louis he carries on, "I know you didn't mean to and I forgive you, so please just don't apologize."
Louis closes his eyes and Harry can almost see the battle raging on in him.
He knows Louis doesn't want him to apologize, but his brain can't think of anything else suitable to say.
"I love you," Harry finally decides on and he ignores the tear that slips from Louis' eye as he says it.
*
Louis' avoiding him.
Harry knows it's not intentional, though. They still sleep together, Louis wrapped in Harry's arms, back pressed to his chest as Harry nuzzles the back of his neck. They still eat together, the two of them at the table having a it of discussion about the news or the latest episode of the X Factor. Louis still drives him to University every morning, kissing him tenderly on the lips before Harry's off.
So, really, Louis isn't avoiding him. It's just that Harry feels that's what he wants. He can feel how much Louis wants to escape when they spoon, or when Harry kisses him too long.
They haven't talked about it since the morning after and Harry knows that's what they need to do, but he just can't bring himself to start up the conversation since he's the problem in the first place. He's the one who fucked up.
It's been about a month since it happened and they haven't had sex since, nothing close to sex even and neither of them is eager to initiate anything. They don't get further than five second kisses and their hands never go anywhere below the waist.
Harry knows it's a sign of a failing relationship, but he can't do anything about it. He's fucked up every other relationship he's been in and the thought of fucking up the one he has with Louis just scares him too much.
He loves him too much.
They're sitting on the couch, lazily watching television, Louis on one end and Harry on the other. Harry's watching him whenever he sees Louis' eyes on the television and he can feel Louis' eyes on him when he's looking at the screen and he feels like a thirteen year old with a crush.
He hears Louis let out a sigh and he turns his head to see him, placing the remote onto the coffee table before he brings his eyes to meet Harry's.
"We need to talk," is what he says and Harry's heartbeat picks up. Thoughts are running through his head at lightning speed and he's heard the line so many times before. He knows what's coming.
Harry looks down to his lap, trying to hide his face. He can't let Louis see him despair over this. He's the one who fucked up, he's the one who did the damage.
"I understand, Louis. You don't have to break it to me easy. I understand that you hate me and--"
"What?" Louis interrupts him, "Harry, stop talking shit. I don't hate you."
Harry lifts his eyes to Louis', seeing a serene expression on his face that almost comforts him.
"Harry, we need to talk about that night, okay? It's destroying us." Louis says and Harry shakes his head, "No, it's okay. I fucked up, I know. Take your time, Lou. I--"
"No, Harry. It's been a month, and this isn't only about me. It's the two of us, you and I both. So can we please talk about it? Before my sanity leaves me?"
Harry nods slowly, eyes cast downwards again until he feels a hand on his thigh. He looks up to see beautiful cerulean eyes staring into his and he can't help but admire the beautiful features in front of him.
He can't help but to smile.
Louis smiles back at him, "That night was quite possible the worst experience I've ever had," Harry's flinches at that but Louis continues, "I was just as drunk as you were but I'd never felt so violated in my life. I felt so different, like I wasn't me. For the first time ever, I felt like a girl."
"I'm sorry," Harry says and Louis only shakes his head, "I know you're sorry. It was an accident-- a horrible one, but I already told you I forgive you. We need to move forward and pretending like it didn't happen isn't helping anything."
Louis looks back up at him, leaning in to kiss him softly, "And I know you're suffering over this. So tell me how you feel. It isn't just about me."
"I felt so horrible that night. Like I love you so much and I messed up and I hurt you and it hurts so much. I've fucked up every relationship and every time he's left me and I love you so much that the thought is killing me. The thought that I hurt you and that you don't love me anymore kills me. I can't handle rejection anymore especially when it's you." At this point the tears are flowing freely but he keeps his head up, he needs to be more mindful of Louis.
Louis, however, has his eyes widened and immediately pulls him into a hug. "Oh, Harry," he whispers into his head of curls and lets him cry into his shirt.
A few moments pass by until Harry is pushing away, wiping at his eyes, "I'm sorry, I'm just so emotional sometimes."
Louis smiles at him, "Yeah you are, but we all are."
Harry smiles back at him trying to put on a fake bravado, "So now that we've got the crying out of the way, what's next?"
Louis shrugs, beginning to play with his fingers nervously, "That's it, I guess. No more tension."
Harry raises his eyebrows, "Hey, I know that look. Come on, tell me what you're thinking."
Louis looks up back at him before sating his eyes downwards again, fiddling with his thumbs, "Well, it's just. Um-- sex."
"Sex?"
"Yeah, sex."
"Oh."
"I know."
Harry gets the idea and he's biting his lip nervously, because sex is kind of what caused this catastrophe in the first place, "So should we...?"
Louis looks back up at him, a guilty expression on his face, "That's the thing. I don't want to. Like, ever."
Harry's face pales, "Ever?"
Louis shakes his head, "No-- It's just I don't feel ready for it yet. It scares me a bit."
Harry nods slowly, "Okay... That's okay. It's just it's been a month and it's not that I'm horny or anything but a month should be enough time, right?"
"I don't know, Harry. I just know I can't." Louis says quietly.
"And I'm fine with that. It's just, maybe you'd need a little help with, uh, getting there?"
Louis moves close, resting his head on Harry's shoulder, "I don't really like thinking about it. Can we put off this part of the conversation?"
Harry hums in agreement and buries his face into Louis' fluffy hair, "I love, you, Lou."
"Love you too, Harry." Louis says quietly.
Harry's a bit more relieved now. Most of his worries have been put to rest but he can't help but think: has he sexually scarred him?
It's a scary thought for him but he tries to put it away. He has Louis close now, he needs to keep him there.
*
They're healing.
There isn't awkward silences or thick tensions. Everything seems to be back to normal. Except for their sex lives.
It's not like Harry desperate to get back into it, he's more worried about Louis' ability to. They don't get pass long snogs, before Louis' pulling away with some excuse of needing to finish some work or needing to pick up something from the store.
Harry's trying to ease him into it, start little until they can work their way up to the actual thing, but Louis seems too scared out of his mind to go anywhere near that.
They're on the couch, Louis in his lap and they're kissing slowly and it's nice, really nice, and Harry hates that he's going to disturb it.
He moves his hand to Louis' lower back and he's happy it receives no response from the lad and decides to press on further. His hand lowers a bit until it's resting just above his arse and Louis freezes.
"What are you doing?" Louis whispers against his lips and Harry's almost ready to call it quits.
"Just thought, we could go a little further," he mumbles back but of course, Louis is pulling himself off his lap and taking his own seat on the couch.
"Oh," Louis responds and Harry's happy that his tone sounds confident. He turns his head to face him with a smile, "I was thinking that it's time we, uh, start to get back into out normal routine. Sex wise," Louis' eyes widen at that but Harry's quick to cover himself, "I mean that we need to stat healing properly."
Louis looks nervous but he smiles nonetheless, "I guess so..."
"But only if you feel ready," Harry adds cautiously.
Louis moves back into his lap, "Yeah, yeah. Let's just be careful, please."
Harry places his hands on Louis' his before he's capturing his lips in a gentle kiss, "I know, babe."
One of his hands move down slowly until it's resting on his arse and then dipping into his pants and nudging between his cheeks. Louis gasps into the kiss.
"Okay?" Harry asks and Louis nods, leaning into his touch.
Harry's finger dip between his cheeks and they play around Louis' hole causing him to moan. He pulls them away soon before he's firmly grabbing his thighs and lifting him up. Louis instinctively wraps his legs around his waist as he's carried into their bedroom.
He's laid onto the bed carefully before Harry's lips are back on his.
"What do you think you're comfortable with?" Harry asks softly, pulling away to look into his eyes.
Louis' brain is a bit fuzzy, he's so nervous but a bit turned on as well and he's not exactly sure what he wants, "Your fingers-- Or your mouth, I don't know."
Harry smiles at him, "Well you can have both."
Harry slowly strips them and then proceeds to kiss him. They're moving so slowly and Harry's barely hard but it feels nice to Louis. He feels the trust between them that he thought was lost that night. He feels like himself again.
It gets heated as they snog, Harry's erection slowly grinding into his thigh until he's pulling away and reaching into the draw for a bottle of lube.
He rests it on the bed, though, moving down to Louis' arse to cup his cheeks in his large hands, smiling when he hears the soft moan from his lover.
He leans his head until he's nudging his nose against his hole-- the right hole, and Louis feels so relieved. The pleasure starts as he feels the wet muscle against his rim pushing in slowly. The tongue in him is wiggling around, lacing his walls with spit while at the same time his mouth is on his hole providing the perfect suction and Louis feels like he's in bliss.
This is what he remembers sex to be like-- so fucking good.
Soon, Harry's tongue is pulling it but his mouth is still there pressing soft kisses to his hole while whispering, "I love you," and he really feels it.
His eyes are closed as he pants and waits for his next move and lets a deep sigh when he feels a wet finger pressing into him. Harry makes no move to go any further, though, making Louis let out a frustrated whine.
"This is okay, right?" Harry asks, his voice low.
"Yes, just please, more, Harry," Louis pants out and then moans when he feels the long digit get deeper and deeper until it's buried. Harry twists it in and out with ease until he feels he's ready for another.
He slides the finger out before he presses it back in with another lined right beside it. He buries them in and waits for Louis' walls to relax around him.
He pulls them out until only his fingertips are in and then he's thrusting back in, happy to receive a pleasured moan from Louis.
Louis' sweating and panting, falling apart perfectly on Harry's finger and he's thinking that this is good. This isn't what it was the last time. This is good.
Harry has three fingers in him and he's carefully watching Louis for any signal to stop but he looks so at ease, so perfect and his dick throbs at the sight.
"H-Harry," Louis moans softly, "I'm gonna come. I'm so close, just-- fuck me please. Please, Harry."
Harry's eyes widen and he stops his movement to look back on him with shock, "W-What?"
Louis' frustrated in more ways than one, "I said fuck me, just-- please."
"Are you sure? You have to be sure. If I hurt you I'll--"
Louis pushes himself up to shut Harry up with a searing kiss, tugging on his hair harshly, "I'm sure."
Harry rolls them around so he's on his back and Louis' sitting on his hips, "Ride me then."
Louis takes initiative and reaches out for the bottle of lube, squeezing the cold liquid onto Harry's hot and heavy cock, using his hands to spread it around.
Harry groans as his cock is toyed with leaving Louis to smirk despite his nerves, "How does it feel to be teased?" he asks cheekily.
Harry only groans louder as Louis' hand moves slowly up and down his cock, tugging his foreskin up and down along with it.
Louis finally relents, but only to move up and position himself over Harry's tip. Harry can feel him shaking above him though and he's sitting up to hold him in no time, "It's okay, Lou. You don't have to."
Louis only shakes his head before he's pushing Harry back down onto the bed with a thud. He lowers himself down on Harry's cock and he feels the stretch and thinks this is it. This is how it should feel.
He's seated fully on his cock soon enough and Harry restrains from fucking up into him. "This okay?" harry asks again and Louis leans down to kiss him gently, "Yeah, this is okay."
He sits up again and places his hands on Harry's pectorals, squeezing tightly as he lifts himself up slowly before he's slamming back down.
It elicits moans from them both and soon Louis' built up a rhythm, hips moving up and down as he fucks himself on Harry's cock. Harry's hands are glued onto his hips, squeezing Hard enough to leave bruises as he tries to keep himself stiff. He's not entirely successful as he finds his hips bucking up to meet Louis' arse with every bounce on his lap.
"Oh god, I'm coming," Harry moans as he feels himself let go, releasing himself deep into him as Louis continues to bounce on him until he feels his whole core shake and his mind goes blank for a few seconds as he feels his orgasm take over his whole being.
Louis flops down onto his chest soon, panting just as heavily as Harry.
"That was amazing," he muses and Harry's so blissed out he can barely formulate a reply.
"Harry?" Louis says again after a few moments of silence.
"Yeah, Lou?" Harry manages to get out as he slowly strokes through his hair.
"I love you so much," He whispers and Harry can't help but to smile.
"No, Louis. You're so perfect, I don't deserve after everything--"
Louis scoffs to interrupt him, before his lifting his head to look directly at him, "No, Harry. That was a mistake and it's okay. It's just, you're just so loving and understanding. How many gay guys do you know will date someone who's not of their gender?"
Harry opens his mouth to retort but Louis' rolling his eyes before he can, "Yeah, I know I am of your gender. But you know not everyone would see it that way. Or even if they did, they wouldn't date. But you're just so amazing. From that night we met in the club and you just didn't see me any different when I told you."
Harry smiles at him, "Because you weren't different. You're just Louis to me and I love you, no matter how you were born."
Louis feels tears gather and he tries to push them away because he can't cry right now. The moment is so perfect.
"Let's not sell you short, Haz. I know you haven't had the best history with guys, but I think it's clear they were all pricks. You're perfect, haz. Or at least you are to me. I wouldn't change anything about you."
Harry smiles so wide it hurts. "I wouldn't change anything about you either," he says as he reaches his hand up to stroke his cheek and wipe a few stray tears.
Louis brings his own hand to wipe the tears from Harry's face, "Marry me, Harry."
He's kissed in response.
*
Married life suits them well.
Harry's been an editor at the company he interned for in University for five years now and Louis himself is a managing accountant at the same bank he's worked at for years.
Life is almost surreal with how happy they are with each other. They don't spend all their time together, they do have work and friends of their own, but their relationship has been going strong since they got married four years ago.
They've moved into a bigger flat since. They would have to in order to accommodate their baby.
Jonah Riley Tomlinson-Styles, born two years ago, thanks to modern day science. The baby was theirs, born through a gestational surrogacy in which Louis egg and Harry's sperm were made into an embryo and transferred into their surrogate mother.
It took them long to decide if they wanted the surrogacy especially with Louis' sensitivity about his anatomy but the idea of having their own baby meant too much to them, so they underwent the procedure and nine months later, they were given Jonah who is quite possibly the light of their lives.
The bubbly little boy with Louis' feathery hair but Harry's green eyes that mesmerized them both means the world to them.

Harry's stepping through the door, after a long day at work to hear Louis and Jonah in the living room. He knows Louis must have relieved their nanny of duty from when he arrived home and so he's smiling as he makes his way to them.
He walks in to see Louis on his back, the little boy in the air held up by his hands, giggling as his father bounces him up and down. He squirms when he sees Harry, eager to go to him.
Louis sits up and turns to see him, smiling wide as he puts the boy down slowly who immediately gets up to run to his father.
"Papa!" He squeals as he crashes into his legs. Harry laughs as he reaches down to pick him up and cradle him in his arms, "Hey, Jonah. Papa missed you so much."
The boy giggles as Harry begins his tickle assault as Louis leans against the couch still seated on the floor as he watches his husband and child play.
Harry gets to cooking dinner while Louis and Jonah sit on the counter and cause as much mischief as possible until Harry's running them out in mock frustration.
They eat dinner together, Jonah getting help from Harry so that he doesn't make a mess out of everything and the night goes perfectly for the three.
They try to give Jonah a bath but it ends up as a big water war in the bathroom and they're all soaked and laughing by the end of it.
Eventually, the two men get Jonah dry and tuck him into a bed while reading him a story that they don't get to the end of before the boy is falling asleep.
They make their way back to their own room where Harry's in the adjoining bathroom brushing his teeth while Louis lies on the bed.
Harry comes out after a minute, wide grin on his face as usual to which Louis can only roll his eyes as he pulls him in for a kiss.
Harry hums against his lips, darting his tongue out to lick at his husband's, "You know kids really do take a lot out of our sex life."
Louis raises a brow as he watches Harry's eyes graze over his body hungrily, "Really now?"
Harry hums again before he's moving to pull Louis' shirt over his head "Yeah, they do," he says, voice husky, leaving a needy ache in Louis' stomach.
They kiss greedily, stripping each other of their clothes until finally Harry's fingering him open and then pushing in.
He thrusts hard and fast as they both release the stress from a long day, enjoying the feel of the other's body as they get closer and close to their climax.
Louis comes first, body shaking and mind blown and Harry follows along quickly, spurting into him with a heavy groan before finally resting his head on his husband's forehead.
"I love you so much," Harry whispers, his hot breath fanning across Louis' face.
Louis pants in response, running his fingers through Harry's unruly curls, "Love you you too, babe."
They fall asleep, wrapped up in each other's arms, peace in their minds and their son down the hall.
Their lives have never been more perfect.