Him

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Warning: Mention of depression

Also you might want to listen to the video posted above before reading this chapter, but that's just a suggestion <3

 t was six in the morning and I couldn't sleep.

I had really woken up at four, and after tossing and turning for two hours I finally gave up and crawled out of bed, tiptoeing down the stairs so as not to wake up my sister. My first instinct when I couldn't sleep was to go on a walk, and so that's what I did. I had slipped on a coat and boots and headed out the door into the cold air of the early morning. The sun had just barely risen, only peeking out over the horizon, but it was enough to light my way in the dark.

There was no sign of life this early in the morning, and I would have thought I would have been bothered by that, being so used to the crowded streets of New York City, but I wasn't. I kind of... liked it? It was peaceful. It allowed me to gather my thoughts without the interruptions of honking vehicles and sidewalk chatter, which is exactly what I needed.

I walked at a slow pace, allowing my mind to wander into scenarios that weren't important but rather entertaining. My breathing was slow and calm. And in that moment, I was content. I decided I liked walking in the early mornings, when it was still more dark out than light. I liked to have that time to myself, to let my brain go blank and only pay attention to the sounds of the wind and the rustling of the trees.

I walked for what felt like hours before I came upon the big house down the long, winding road, but I knew it had only been a few minutes. It would have been daunting if it wasn't for the ring of a piano coming from the inside of the house. A beautiful melody, one I never heard before, flooded through the window. It sounded of ice, bold yet soft like a twinkle. I felt the sadness of the music seep into my body slowly and spread throughout my veins. The magic of the sound was so alluring and I found myself being drawn closer to the house, but afraid that this was a dream and one wrong step would waver the music.

But it didn't stop. The melody went on, each note pulling me further and further down with it. I felt as if I were drowning. It made my heart sing and ache all at the same time, race and stop and then start again. I felt as if I were flying and falling all at once, and right as I was about to hit the ground I was lifted back up. I had never felt more alive, more in love with a sound. It made me want to soar and then disappear, to melt into the music and let my soul yield to its composer. I was in love with the moment, so deeply and utterly in love. I never wanted it to end.

And then all too suddenly it did. And I saw in the window a beautiful man with hair so blonde it looked white in the light, and for a brief second I thought I was imagining him, this stunning angel, but he was there, he was real. And then he was gone.

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My eyes were heavy as I walked into town later that day, and tears threatened to spill down my cheeks due to pure exhaustion. After going on my stroll that morning, I had returned home and attempted to get some sleep, to no avail. My mind was racing, my heart was beating too fast, my adrenaline up.

Evan had woken at eight a.m. to find me standing at the stove, making scrambled eggs and bacon in hopes of distracting myself. She had questioned why I was up, knowing full well that I had never been an early riser, and so I gave her an honest answer, I couldn't sleep, and that was that.

Now it was nearly one in the afternoon and I was fighting to keep my eyes open.

The temperature outside had warmed significantly since the day before, to my appeasement. The snow was melting and birds were chirping, and the wind had died down enough so that walking without my face buried in a scarf was bearable.

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