A Dream of Solace

7: Maxie

Maxie was lost. Not in a dream, but in some darkness she couldn't find her way out of and she had been there for a while. She couldn't remember why she was there or how she had slipped into it. All Maxie knew was that something had happened and she needed to get out of the darkness to find-

That was where her own mind let her down. She was supposed to wake up from the darkness to find someone. Who though? Her mom? No, that wasn't it. She was right there and had been nearby for a long time. It couldn't be Lulu, because she was there too. Was it Georgie? Did her daughter need her? Yes, that was it. Her daughter needed her. But no, Georgie was with her father. And he was taking care of her. Wasn't he?

Of course he was. He had promised that he would always take care of their daughter. And her. He had promised her that he would always be there for her. They were in bed and he promised. No.... That wasn't right. Georgie's father was far away. And so was Georgie. It wasn't her daughter then. It was someone else.

Once, she thought it could be Mac. She was tired and someone was with her. Her mother? Whoever it was asked her to come back but she wasn't certain she wanted to yet. She ebbed back and forth between wanting to wake and staying right where she was. That was when she heard Mac. He was close by but he was yelling. And he wasn't the only one. There were other people yelling and someone was crying too. Because if Mac was yelling, maybe it was him she had to find.

She tried to find her way out of the darkness during the commotion. But it wasn't Mac she needed to find so she sank back into the darkness letting it envelop her. It kept away the pain and she took solace in its completeness. Time slipped away from her. It could have been an hour or a year. She dreamed though, fragmented dreams of what she thought might be memories.

In one, she opened a door but there was nothing there. She would close the door and open it again, looking for what she knew was supposed to be on the other side. In another, she was on a stage staring out at the audience of empty chairs. Something was wrong with that one too. Someone was supposed to be in that audience. And then the last one, she was running in a maze of hallways looking for a way out. No, not a way out. Looking for someone. Nathan.

The name came to her so suddenly that it startled her. Nathan was who she should be trying to find. He was gone. Something had happened... Was that what the commotion was about? Something had happened and he was gone. She needed him though. She forced herself to open her eyes. He had to be there with her. That was what Nathan would do. He would stay with her no matter what. But it wasn't Nathan sitting next to her. It was Lulu, her face full of concern.

"Maxie? Oh Maxie, are you awake?" Lulu asked leaning forward. "Talk to me, Maxie."

"I want Nathan," Maxie said in a hoarse voice she didn't recognize. "Nathan..."

"I'll get him. Stay awake!"

But Maxie couldn't. She drifted back, too tired to keep her eyes open. But this wasn't like the last time. She felt different. She remembered Nathan. If she could just rest a little while longer, she could remember everything that happened and then it would be alright again. She would make it alright. They would make it alright together.

She dreamed again. This time, she was with Nathan in their apartment and he was saying something to her. She couldn't hear all of it but she thought he was saying, "I'm sorry." Sorry for what? He said something else that she couldn't understand and then, "I love you, Jones." The darkness came for her again and she slipped into it unwillingly. How long she was in it, she couldn't say but the sound of her mother's voice woke her.

Maxie fluttered her eyes open, trying to find Felicia in the room. She was there, talking to Epiphany in the doorway. "Mom?" She croaked from the bed. Felicia spun on her heel in surprise.

"Maxie? You're awake!" Felicia was at her side, reaching for her hand. "Oh sweetheart, how are you feeling?"

"Terrible," Maxie muttered taking stock of her physical well being. Her head ached and she was so tired.

"Of course you do, but you're going to get better, I just know it." Felicia beamed at her through tears. Maxie didn't know what she was talking about. She closed her eyes for a moment, resting them from the bright lights in the room.

When she felt better accustomed to the light, she opened her eyes again and asked, "Mom, where's Nathan?"

"Nathan?" Felicia echoed. "Honey, I don't know."

"He was here though...I think. I asked for him. Lulu said she would get him."

Felicia looked over at Epiphany who only shrugged. "Maxie, sweetheart, I've been with you all day. Lulu hasn't been here today. And Nathan... He hasn't been here either."

"No, he was here. I asked for him. Lulu... I heard him, Mom."

Felicia sat down next to her, still holding her hand. She smiled, but looked serious. "Maxie, Nathan hasn't been here to see you in a week."

"He didn't come? But I asked for him-"

"Of course you did, Maxie. But Nathan... Well, he isn't going to see you anymore."

Maxie squeezed her eyes shut, ignoring the rest of what Felicia said. All she could hear was Felicia's words echoing in her head. Nathan wasn't going to see her anymore. Somehow, she had ruined everything. How could she make it right if he was gone for good?