- Lesbehonest. h.e.s -

-7. Plain Old Chocolate -

 
I miss him.

I miss him so much.

And I don't understand why.

  We've only been friends for like 3 weeks, but haven't spoke in about 4 days. The guilt is killing me man. The way things left off was like the worst possible way. He looked so, I don't know....hurt.

I tried texting him. I tried calling. I even tried my last resort and dmed him on IG and Twitter. He went MIA. We don't even have to be friends, I just want to apologize.

I'm lying to myself, I miss hanging out so much. Chilling with him was my favorite. And now it's gone. I miss mi banana boy.

"Sammie. Can we please talk about this. It's been 4 days and you still haven't told me what the fuck happened" Nat says as she sits on my bed, handing me a bag of takis before I quietly thank her.

"I don't really wanna talk about it" I mumble, sitting up, as my back leans against my headboard and I open the bag of my favorite chips.

"I'm your bestfriend, Samira. It makes me feel like I'm not doing my job when you hold things in like this. You need to talk to me. You need to let it out." She says getting under my covers and turning the tv volume down.

"He kissed me. He kissed me dude. And I liked it. Nat, I fucking liked that shit." I say shakily turning my whole body over to face her, preparing myself to rant. "And then I yelled at him to leave, even though I let it happen. I don't wanna fuck up what we had before but I already did. I tried texting, calling but he probably fucking hates me, yo" I sigh as I munch on my bag of chips in frustration.

"He doesn't hate you. It's not your fault, ok? He knew you weren't into that and what did he do? He took advantage of your friendship. You should both take blame for this. Don't put it all on yourself. But I still think you should apologize for yelling at him and not talking it out instead" She says softly, voice full of concern, as she places her hand on my forearm in a soothing manner.

"You're right. but you don't get it, Nat. I liked it. I don't understand why I fucking liked it" I panic as I place my hand on my forehead.

"You just need time to think about it. Don't stress yourself, okay babe?" She says before I nod in response as she devotes me in a big hug. All Nat shows me is love. That's all I've ever gotten from her. It's weird to say, but I don't know where'd I'd be without Nat. We've been through anything and everything together. Tears begin to brim my eyes at the thought of losing her as I tighten the hug even harder. I'm not used to this kind of care or concern so when I get a little bit of it, I get quite emotional.

"What's wrong?" Nat asks, pulling out of the hug, as a look of concern washes over her face.

"Nothing. I- I just love you so much" I stutter as joy streams through my body and a big smile appears on my face, looking up trying to stop the tears from pouring slowly. "I love you too" she says kissing my forehead as I compose myself.

"Ok. Now lets go get some food, I mean if that's okay with you?" She says sarcastically, standing up and putting her hands on her hips.

"Nah. I'd rather just chill here" I sniffle as I grab my chips from under my covers.

"Really?"

"Hell no."

++

"Will that be all, madam?" the waitress's small Asian accent echoes throw the empty room we were in as she sets down our drinks and folds her fingers. The buffet we were at had a cool offer, so on your birthday you could sit in a separate room than all the other costumers and get cake n shit. It wasn't any of our birthdays, we were just two anti-social to be around so many people since business was "boomin" today. Of course, it was more than the regular fine, but it was so worth it to have a room to yourself.