From The Girl Making Changes

199 3 1
                                    


Follow your heart with a little bit of your mind

Deciding to leave the guy that has been there for 3 years is not an easy thing, but that's the key he's always just been there. He was the safe route and the predictable route. I knew what I was getting and what I would get from him. He was all in heart first since the very beginning and I was always just trailing behind.

I would constantly tell myself those more advanced feelings would come eventually, but they never did. And let me tell you it fucking sucks! I had this great guy who in all honesty wanted to give me the whole damn world and who wasn't afraid to let me know he loved me. Even for our young age we would talk so much about the future and to him it was great and to me it just scared me. I think at one point I actually did love him, but somewhere between the on and offs and getting older, it just wasn't there anymore.

My aunt told me one time that she was dating this guy right before she met her now husband. Just like my situation he was completely smitten by her and wanted to give her the world, but she didn't truly feel it. She wasn't in love with him, but he was there and willing. Until she met her now husband and knew from the beginning that this was love even though she wouldn't get as much from him as she would the other guy. So I will always remember what she told me, "I would rather get nothing from this idiot than get the world from a guy I don't love."

I followed the motions in the relationship for a lot longer than I should have. I tried to end it for good a few times, but he came back and I would fall back into the routine. Maybe I wasn't strict enough with wanting to end it, so he never fully understood? At this point I don't know. But what I do know is that I'm finally leaving. I can't keep living my life halfway in it anymore and I know it's not fair to him either. We will both move on and we will both be happy, I just wish I would've had the courage to do this sooner.

From the girl who is making changes

Articles Of LifeWhere stories live. Discover now