art & stories 11.0

emotions

im thinking again ,, and with thinking comes memories

so hey lets talk about the time my best friend's aunt died from leukemia.

that was ... a lot to handle. my mom said we were going to the hospital bc she was sick.

we got there and it was just me, my friend and her mom. so ... her aunt just gives us the most pained expression and says "its cancer."

i hope to never feel the way i did again. it just hit me really hard, hearing her say that. i was sitting in a chair in the corner and just kinda curled up into a ball and broke down.

my mom went to the hospital every day she could, but i didnt. the only time i can remember visiting is when me and my friend went and gave her a really crazy hairstyle because we figured it'd be the last time we could.

after that, i mostly tried to distance myself from the situation. but she did end up dying. the worst part was that she had just been sent home with the chance she might survive, but something happened and she died from a blood clot in her brain.

i actually didn't feel much at the funeral. i didn't want to go but i had to. i just ... sat there and tried to distract myself.

she was like a second mom to me. i knew her for years, and she's the first and only person in my life to die.

it's a terrible feeling, really. i still find myself not fully processing the fact that i'll never see her again. i cant wrap my head around death so i've just ignored it.

sorry for the rambling,, welp im gonna try to sleep now. gnight everyone