What do I do?

Worry

It's all over. I shouldn't need to worry. People know now. The school, her family, some of the teachers, they all know. They are all watching out for her, including me, so I shouldn't need to worry. She's got medication now, for situations she might need it in. She can take it before situations she doesn't like. She's been diagnosed. People know. So I shouldn't need to worry. She's not overly angry for what I did, there have been a few offhand comments, about how I owe her, but that's to be expected, I did betray her trust after all, so I shouldn't need to worry. She seems fine, she even wanted to tell another friend so now they're looking after her too, so I shouldn't need to worry. She's got other friends who care, who look out for her just because they're her friends, so I shouldn't need to worry.
I shouldn't need to worry, but I do. I can't help it. She's my friend and she's got anxiety, of course I'm going to worry. Who wouldn't? But she doesn't want me to worry, she doesn't want anyone to worry about her, that's why she didn't tell anyone, or at least one of the reasons. So I'm worried, and I can't tell her I'm worried, but how can I not be worried?

I'm noticing things now. Little things that I hadn't noticed before, or at least didn't take much notice of.
She goes quiet around other people, so quiet. Like she's scared to speak up for fear of judgement. If she has to read in class, you can barely hear her voice. But when she's with people she knows, it's completely different, unless it's a crowd. Small numbers of friends are fine, but it's when it gets to a certain number. So quiet. And then it's the comments she makes, she'll make comments on conversations we're having to me, but not to anyone else. She'll point something out to me, but not when other people can hear, not to a group of her friends. Then there's the plans. The small, clever plans so she doesn't have to talk in class. She'll pretend to be writing so she doesn't make eye contact with the teacher and they don't pick on her. She'll ask me a question to ask the teacher because she doesn't want to raise her hand. She'll ask me to get more paper because she doesn't want to go to the front of the room where everyone can see her. And I don't mind, not at all. I don't mind helping (even if I am a lazy cow sometimes), it's just, she's two people. The one in front of three or four people, and the one in front of more. She's two different people and I can't believe I didn't notice before. And I'm not worried about that, not at all, it's her right to be her own person, she's allowed to be shy.

It's just... I don't know. She goes quiet sometimes, when it's just a few people she's comfortable with, and when asked a question her answers are short. But then a few minutes later and she's back to normal. It's probably just me but I can't help but worry about that.

And then there's the fact that we don't message as much anymore. I suppose that's sort of my fault. We started a group chat with some people, it was the three of us, then it became four, then five, and we're back to the crowds thing. She doesn't say anything, apart from mundane stuff like; "merry Christmas" or "happy new year". But we don't talk, I talk on there, but she doesn't say anything back. And I can't help but worry, that due to this, and the fact that she doesn't trust me as much anymore, that she isn't telling me and won't tell me if she's having a down moment like she did before when I first found out. I worry, that she thinks I'd just tell someone again. I don't know what I'd do if it happened again, and I hope it would be easier for her to talk to her parents, but I don't know. I just don't know, and because I don't know I worry. What if she still feels the same but this time feels as if she can't talk to anyone because she's scared she'll worry them more? I'm already worried though.

I worry too much. At least, I hope I do. She should be fine. People are looking out for her, I'm looking out for her. It's just, sometimes, when something happens, I can't help it.

I worry.