What do I do?

Sorry

This isn't about the same friend. It's just I feel terrible at the moment.

I'm really really sorry. I didn't mean to offend you. I swear I wouldn't have said anything if I'd have known. I mean, you know me right? I'm not that malicious. I never am. Especially to friends. And if I'd have known I never would have said anything. Never. Not once in a million years. I'm not that kind of person. At least, I don't think I am. At least, I hope I'm not.

I was just trying to start a conversation with something less mundane than hello. I wasn't trying to offend anyone. I don't think I've ever said something to offend anyone on purpose ever, and I dislike a lot of people, none of them being you. So I honestly didn't mean anything by it. Honestly.

But I made you mad. I annoyed you. Hurt and offended you. It's all the same though isn't it? Hurting and offending. If you offend someone you hurt them. And I just hurt you. And I'm so, so sorry. So sorry.

The thing is, I did think about it. I did. Sometimes I don't, but it's hard not to think about it over messages, and I didn't think it would hurt you. I didn't know it would hurt you. It never even crossed my mind that you would take offence to it. You're so laid back about everything. You're a smiling laid back, annoyingly clever person. I don't think I thought anything would offend you, and I'm so sorry that the thought didn't even cross my mind. So sorry now.

And I know you've said that you've forgiven me, and that it's fine now. Thank you for doing that, but it'll be longer till I forgive myself. It always happens if I accidentally offend anyone. I'll spend forever worrying, after crying a bit if I really care. I hate hurting other people. Absolutely hate it. And I've just hurt you. And now I can't anymore. I just can't! And I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. I didn't mean to at all. Why would anyone want to hurt you? You're nice to everyone! And I just hurt someone so nice and I don't like this feeling. It's guilt, the feeling. Because you wouldn't hurt a fly and now I have. Accidentally, but I still hurt you. And I'm so, so sorry. So sorry.

I can't stop the tears now. Because I'm bloody terrified that you haven't really forgiven me and that you're just saying it because you can. I'm terrified that I've messed up this friendship. I never wanted that to happen, I never wanted you to take offence. I didn't want so many things when I sent you that message, but now they've happened, and whatever happens after this, it will never take away the fact that I've now offended you truly and properly. I'll always go back to this moment knowing that I hurt a friend, and I don't know how long it'll be till I get over that. I really don't. But I'm sorry. I'm really so very sorry. I didn't know you'd take offence to that. I really didn't.

I'm so, so sorry.