Firehouse 51

Flashback

Yeah I know. YEARS. I find myself having a lot more time now that my girlfriend works until 11PM at night. Here's a update to a story that I forgot I had tons of motivation for! If you're a follower of my other stories as well, I updated Paradise the other night. So maybe I'll have more motivation now that I'm in a writing mood?

Who knows! Only time will tell!

TRIGGER WARNING: MENTIONS OF SUICIDE

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Fort Sill, OK - 3 Years Ago

Brittany was just finishing up her last contract in the Army. Her time served had done her well, and she didn't want to re-up for another 3 years after what she went through on her first deployment. She loved being in the Army but she knew that if she had to deploy again, mentally, she wouldn't come back.

She wasn't sure if it were just her luck, or if everyone went through deployments like hers, but the bodies weighed heavily on her. She couldn't save everyone and she thought about that everyday. It got to a point where she had to see a counselor, and seeing him helped but the images were burned into her brain. She had been on anti-depressants on and off, but the ones she was on lately had some really bad side affects. But for the past couple days, everything was looking up.

Today, she had a day off and she decided to take some time to herself. It was a beautiful day, so she decided to take a stroll around base; which was something she hadn't done in a while. Her roommate was away on leave so she had the room to herself. But that also meant that her only friend was away so she felt lonely. It was normal for her. It wasn't too bad though, her roommate was supposed to come home that night. Since first deployment, she loved her "me-time". Brittany made a quick stop at the PX to pick up a plate lunch before heading back to her room.

While she was waiting for the elevator to reach the first floor, someone's car backfired. She dropped her plate and ran up the stairs. She didn't even bother to wait for the elevator anymore. Once she got into her room, she shut off all the lights and hid in her room next to her bed. She was sweating. When she opened her eyes, it was like she was back in Afghanistan. She shut them again, and everything was back to normal. Beads of sweat was dripping from her temple.

"Fuck." She thought to herself. She hadn't had anything trigger her PTSD in a long time. "It's just memories. You're home. You aren't in Afghanistan." She told herself.

Brittany got up onto her bed and turned the TV on. She grabbed her bottle of pills and took to out and swallowed them. About 15 minutes into Friends, she fell asleep.

When she woke up, it was dark outside. The sun had gone down, and she realized that she wasted the only day off she had that week. She walked over to the blinds and shut them and when she turned around to face the mirror, she saw Quinn's bloody body laying on her bed. She stumbled backwards, taken back by what she had just seen. When she turned to look at her bed, it was bare. She shook her head, knowing that her mind was playing tricks on her. Brittany pulled her phone out to call her counselor but her all went straight to voicemail.

She never did talk to anyone else other than the counselor about her visions. She didn't trust anyone else. And how could she? People would think she was crazy if she ever told them. She laid back on her bed, hoping that sleep would suppress her visions for the time being until she could talk to her counselor again.

The next few days came and went and nothing changed. She kept seeing Quinn everywhere, she kept having nightmares about what happened and she couldn't take it anymore. She couldn't shake it and no matter what she did, even her decision to stop taking her anti-depressants, didn't work. After her work she was over that day, she went home and went straight to her room and shut the door. She paced back and forth, wracking her brain on different ways to help herself.

Just do it, Brittany. Get it over with.

"Shut up." She spoke back.

You know it's the only way. It's the only way you won't see me anymore.

"No. That's stupid."

Brittany, just grab the knife in the kitchen. It's simple. You know how.

"Shut up!"

Brittany ran outside to the kitchen and grabbed the knife from the drawer. Her and her roommate had just bought the knife set a couple weeks ago from the PX. So it was brand new, and extremely sharp. She took it over to the mirror that was above the sink and looked at herself. She was sweating again, and she felt so weak. She barely slept the past few nights, and all she wanted was for it to be all over. Brittany hung her head, knowing that this would be the definite easy way out.

Come on, just do it quickly and it can all be over. She looked up again. This time, Quinn was standing there next to her, nodding approvingly. Brittany raised the knife to her neck and applied pressure to the left side of her neck. Do it! Just get it over it.

Do it.

Do it.

The longer she stood there, the more she wanted to do it. She's dealt with this for so long. The haunting images of Quinn's mangled body, how she almost lost her. The images of the soldiers she wasn't able to save. The blood. The misery. The sounds of people crying in pain. She couldn't take it anymore. She pushed harder against her neck and started to move it left to right. But before she got anywhere, her roommate came in the room and grabbed her hands.

"Britt! What are you doing!" Dropping her stuff, she ran to Brittany, grabbed the knife and threw it across the floor.

Brittany fell to the floor, sobbing. "Please, help me."

"We're gonna get you help okay?" Her roommate held her close. "You're gonna be okay, Britt."

The few weeks that followed were the best she had in years. Her roommate took her straight to her counselors the next day and had her anti-depressants adjusted. As long as she kept up with her pills, she'd be on track. Once she got out of the Army, she continued getting her dosage through the VA. Since then, she hasn't had any problems. And she hoped that she wasn't ever gonna have them again.

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This story is gonna play a big role in the next chapter, so stay tuned :)