These Dreams of Truth

Scars

I couldn't tell how long it had been before I woke up, but Silvia was in the room when it happened. I glanced to her, sitting in Doctor Jackson's office chair waiting.

"Oh, good." She smiled. "I was beginning to think you'd never wake." She set down a book on the desk titled A Tale of Two Cities.

"Were you," I began, "waiting here the entire time I was asleep?"

She nodded as if 'yes' were the obvious and expected answer. "Lunch is in seven minutes," she said. "You woke up at a wonderful time, I would have had to wake you in two minutes if you didn't wake on your own."

"Alright thanks," I told her without moving. I hoped she would get the hint to leave without me having to tell her out front.

"I'll wait for you in the hallway." It worked.

I sat up groggily and achy but I managed. 

I went over to the cabinet that had a mirror so I could fix the disaster that I'm sure my hair was. Opening it up, I saw that my hair was parted on the old scar I had from a surgery in which they examined my brain for abnormalities. Why they couldn't just take an x-ray or perhaps just a CAT scan, I did not know and they refused to tell me. 

Running my fingers tenderly over the scarred flesh that wound around my head, I realized that it was my earliest memory.

Most kids have a first memory of a good time with their parents or friends or siblings, but I was taken away from all of that before I was given a chance.

Sitting in the cold metal chair, my three-year-old self was still disoriented about everything that went on at the Facility.

"Everything will be fine," They said. "You won't feel a thing."

For the most part his was the truth, of course, but only for so long.

The chair tipped back and I fell with it. A woman in a nurses outfit wiped something cold on the inside of my elbow as others who looked like her strapped down my arms and legs. The woman at my elbow took out a large syringe and plunged it into my flesh.

A moment later, everything went black.

This didn't last for long, though, as I woke up mid-surgery. I heard the intense whirr of a saw and then screamed in agony.

I flung myself up as I tried to get away from these monsters and their torture instruments. My bound limbs and the nurses around me held me down on the sharp metal chair as I attempted to kick and scream and cry.

The nurse from before slammed a syringe back into my skin and I faded into a panicked sleep.

I gingerly smoothed my hair back down over the scar, repressing the memory until it inevitably bothered me again. 

Once ready, I met Silvia in the hall and we began to walk to Lunch. 

The lack of volume in the cafeteria let me know that everyone was still in a hushed shock from the day's earlier events.

I met Astella at the table at around the same time Will arrived there. We sat in silence for a few minutes before Will spoke up. 

"So," he started. "Today's been eventful."

We nodded in silent agreement before the conversation continued. 

I looked down at my forearms, the pink scars evident against my pale skin. "I blacked out and was carried back to my room. Did I miss much else?"

"Yes, I saw that!" Astella piped up. "You were carried away after everyone was about done, so not much. It was pretty much the same as your exit, with everyone losing consciousness and taken away. I was able to walk out rather than be carried. Having gone through shock therapy has made my pain tolerance stronger, I think."

"Did that Esmeralda lady do anything you thought was noteworthy? She made me a bit apprehensive."

Astella considered for a moment before saying "Oh yeah, actually. As I was leaving I watched her start walking towards a small puddle of blood near a boy's station. I thought she would just be going to clean it up, but she pulled a small bowl out of one of the many folds of her dress and began to gently push the blood into the bowl. She threw her glove away because it was stained with the blood but took the bowl into a back room with no window and a lot of locks on the door."

"That was probably my station," Will said at volume surprisingly higher than his usual whisper. "I think I bled the most out of everyone there. It was probably because of my over sensitive skin and immune system." He pushed his glasses up and looked down at his still blistering forearms. 

Astella immediately said exactly what I was thinking. "That's ridiculous! They really should not have forced you do go through that, Will, its not fair. They know of your condition."

It seemed to sooth Will that Astella had such an opinion on the matter. His warm brown eyes lit up and connected with hers as they always did when he was looking at Astella. 

I glanced around a bit, wondering why, it was already half way through lunch and Sebastian had still not arrived at our table. With a quick span of the room, I spotted him a few tables away with his arm draped around a girl's shoulders. I didn't even know the girl, but seeing them like this made me feel weird. Hurt, even. 

I suppose I made eye contact with him because he dropped his arm (much to the girl's dislike) and started walking over with his tray. 

He sat down next to me. "Hey-"

"Who was that?" I asked quickly, keeping my voice level and emotionless. 

He raised his eyebrows and smirked for a split second before responding "Oh that was just someone I was talking to the other day. I think her name's Emma or something. Emily, maybe."

I was about to retort that maybe people would think he was less of a douche if he'd bother to pay attention to simple things like names, but I turned my attention to Astella instead as I sensed her begin to speak of a subject she was passionate about.

"... it's unlawful. We happen to be involuntarily part of this institution, so I think we should be granted at least the privilege. We're all children as well. And you should know more than most people too, Will, you've been here most of your life and didn't have much of an education when you were admitted. Right?"

"Uh, I guess, yeah." Will appeared startled to have been involved in this rant of Astella's. "I've kind of just learned what I know from my ward and the other patients. But Astella, and trust me I'd hate to have to tell you this, I think this is a useless argument. They aren't bothering to educate us because they don't need to teach us anything for "later in life" or for when we are "living alone". We're never leaving here, there is no later for us."

Astella's face took on a cimmerian  tone as she realized that Will was correct. Our table was quiet for the rest of the meal, not that it was much longer anyways. 

When the wards came to recollect their patients, I asked Silvia what was planned next for the day.

"We'll be going back to the dream analysis room again today," she said. "The new study that they started last week, the one about how subtle music can effect dreams, will be continued today."

She steered me out to the doors while I contemplated what Astella and Will had said. I was admitted here at two years old, with no education. I realized that there was no way  I had absolutely no education, certainly impossible with the words I used and the way I thought.