n o v a
"nov, did you get those burgers i asked for?" sammy asks, approaching me slowly. he sets his hands on the counter on either side of me; completely trapping me in his arms.
at this point, i already know what to expect from him. this has happened before, plenty of times. and i don't know if he even remembers. this is what he does. before.
i twist my lips, remembering that i'd completely forgot about most of the groceries that he'd asked for. and i fear that he knows this already.
i swallow the lump that forms in my throat, scoffing to myself. "shoot, you know what? i completely forgot. there was just so much people there," i breathe out. "i'll just go get them now-"
"-damn it, nova! how many times do i have to go through this with you?" he slams his arms on the counter in which i was leaning on, causing me to jump slightly.
he squeezes his eyes shut tightly, dipping his head down in front of me. he sighs; shaking his head slowly. "this has happened, so many times before. how could you forget? again?"
"i-i'm sor-"
"you're always fucking sorry, aren't you?" he yells, throwing his arms up in the air of frustration. i wince, arching my eyebrows and resisting the urge to burst into tears.
"are you ever going to learn that 'sorry' doesn't fix everything?" he groans, running his hands through his hair roughly.
"sammy, i'll just go get them now, it's alright-"
"would you stop saying that bullshit?" he wraps his fingers around my throat, squeezing rather harshly. my widen my eyes, gasping for air. hoping that he would at least loosen his grip. but he didn't. he did the complete opposite.
by now his eyes were dark, as if the darkest part of the eye had taken up the color of his entire pupil. he furrows his eyebrows of anger and concentration, breathing heavily as his nostrils flare.
pretty sure that this had gone way too far, i tap his wrist hastily, as if that would've done me any justice.
"why can't you just follow directions?" he mutters.
"sammy-" i attempt to breathe out, and finally realizing how far this had gone, he releases my neck, slamming both his hands on the counter with his head hung low.
i pant as heavily as a dog, running my fingers through my hair and contemplating what just happened. squeezing my eyes shut.
"all i want is for us to be happy," he says so low it could be a whisper. "i hate doing this to you, nova. i hate hurting you."
"then why do you do it?" i say as sincerely as i can possibly manage, inching closer to him. "you do this as if it defines you; as if it's apart of you." pointing at him, i arch my eyebrows and i place my hand over his.
"i do this because it does define me," he breathes. "once anyone sees me; all they know about me is that fucking disorder."
"then appreciate it," i suggest.
"it's pretty hard appreciating things when you're me, nova. if you haven't noticed."
i sigh, removing my hand from his.
"i'll go get the burgers."
