nova
"nova, you've been so distant lately. please, tell me what's wrong." sammy pleads, taking my hands into his own and pouting his lips.
i nod, pulling away from him. "nothing is wrong, sam."
"i don't believe you." he says. "you call me 'sam' when you're upset with me."
i sigh, pecking his cheek shortly. "nothing's wrong, sammy," i emphasize his name, and he grins boyishly. "see? everything's fine."
"is it what happened the other day?" he asks suddenly, my shoulders slump from him mentioning that. and i sigh again, running my fingers through my hair.
it isn't like i'm not used to it.
the truth was; i am avoiding him, for that specific reason. i know that he doesn't want to do what he does, but it seems like it's getting worse every time. i don't want that for myself.
"no," i lie. "it isn't."
"yes it is." he retaliates, sighing and running his fingers through his dyed hair. "and i'm sorry. truly."
"i know you are." i shrug. "it's not a big deal-"
"i gave you bruises, nova. what are people gonna think?" his eyebrows pull together.
more like what they already know.
i let out a breath rather loudly, picking at the old nail polish that remained on my nails. "only we know the truth, sammy. and it's okay, really. they'll go away."
he pouts, not satisfied with how okay with this i am. truth be told i'm not okay with it at all. but i know the truth, and i'll keep on telling myself that until something goes wrong. worse than it already was. because i don't want to lose him.
"i hurt you, nova. you know much i regret that. every. single. time."
"then stop." i say, rather sternly. "you keep on complaining about how you're so sorry for what you do. and if you know that you're going to be sorry about it, just don't do it. it's really not that difficult-"
"-you don't understand, nova." he says, clearly tired of needing to have this conversation with me over and over. "i can't control these things, i've told you this. many times before."
"then see a therapist." i suggest, annoyance lingering in my voice as i spoke more of this situation. "it's that simple, sam. there are professionals that can help you handle this-"
"-i've tried so many therapists, nova. none of them help-"
"-if you just keep looking." i finish my sentence. "there is someone out there that can help you, sam. but you gave up too easily."
he puts his hands up in defeat, realizing that he can't win this. he never does.
"fine," he says, pulling my body against his. "i'll do it. for you."
i smile. "thanks."
"i love you," he states. "so much."
i felt hesitant to answer. but i did.
"i love you, too."
